


The Third Wheel

by songsformonkeys



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Bickering, F/M, Jealousy, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Undercover as Married
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:53:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 48,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23162020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songsformonkeys/pseuds/songsformonkeys
Summary: "You had often wondered how you ended up here, the third wheel in the well-oiled, grumpy and semi-alcoholic DEA duo consisting of Steve Murphy and Javier Peña... Actually, that was a lie. You hadn't wondered at all. You knew exactly how you'd ended up here. The two male agents had never been particularly good with following orders, which had been a thorn in ambassador Noonan's side since day one. And as everyone who knew the old saying “if you can't beat 'em, join 'em” could tell you, you were the intended solution to that particular problem. And boy had you let everyone down."
Relationships: Javier Peña/Reader, Javier Peña/You
Comments: 336
Kudos: 672





	1. Chapter 1

You had often wondered how you ended up here, the third wheel in the well-oiled, grumpy, and semi-alcoholic DEA duo consisting of Steve Murphy and Javier Peña... Actually, that was a lie. You hadn't wondered at all. You knew exactly how you'd ended up here. The two male agents had never been particularly good with following orders, which had been a thorn in ambassador Noonan's side since day one. And as everyone who knew the old saying “if you can't beat 'em, join 'em” could tell you, you were the intended solution to that particular problem.

Shipped in from the States, you had a reputation of being a team player with a knack for mediating. Everyone had hoped that you would be the proverbial bridge between the two agents and the embassy. And boy had you let everyone down.

It wasn't that Peña and Murphy were hostile towards you. On the contrary, they were very polite, always made sure to ask if you wanted coffee when they went to get some, always asked you how your weekend had been and, whenever the bosses asked, they made sure to tell them what a wonderful addition you were to the group and that you fit right in. The thing about Peña and Murphy, though, was that they assumed everyone besides themselves were complete idiots.

Anyone with a pair of eyes could see that you weren't _in the group_ at all. The cloud from their joint chain-smoking didn't even reach your desk, which was placed in the far corner of the office whilst theirs were shoved together in the middle of the room, and despite the daily reminder that you didn't drink coffee they kept asking if you wanted some. Instead, it was the receptionist who sometimes offered to make you a cup of tea whenever she thought you looked like you needed one.

Whenever there was any kind of action, the two of them always stormed out, in a flurry of leather jackets and grunts about “checking in later” (which they only occasionally remembered to do). Not once had they offered you to join.

In the beginning, the blatant refusal to include you had hurt but as you observed them interact with other people around the office, you soon realized that in the world of Steve Murphy and Javier Peña, other people were a means to an end (with the possible exception for Carrillo, who seemed to have earned the agents' respect somehow) and so far they hadn't figured out what you were useful for.

So despite being a damn good field agent, if you and your previous bosses would say so yourselves, you were stuck at a desk all day long, pouring over documents and photos, listening to voice recordings in order to try and figure out where Pablo's henchmen would show up next. Whatever information you managed to find was later passed on to Murphy and Peña, via one of the radio guys.

Later, when the two agents strolled back into the office with smug smiles on their faces, you feigned a polite smile of your own and declined as they, only as an afterthought, remembered to offer you a glass of the celebratory whiskey. Sometimes you wondered if they had any idea it was your intel that had gotten them every single win in the past 5 months.

They weren't bad people, not really, you had to remind yourself when they stormed out of the office again 40 minutes later, after one of them had gotten a call about something.

You sighed and walked over to Peña's desk to put out the still smoking cigarette in the ashtray.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“A charity event?” Carrillo asked, looking up at you from where he was hunched over his desk. His facial expression was doubtful. “Why would the narcos be interested in attending a charity event?”

You shrugged slightly and tapped your fingers restlessly against the filing cabinet you were leaning against. You had your suspicions about the motives but it was still just based on guesses and hunches, neither of which were anything Carrillo put much stock into.

He leafed through the papers in the folder you had dropped on his desk a few minutes ago. His brow was furrowed, though not from disapproval. You had learned to tell the difference between the various kinds of frowns, since it was Carrillo's main means of communication.

“How did you get this intel?”

“Vanessa, but I cross-checked it with other sources.” Carrillo looked up at you again.

“The prostitute?”

“Yup. La Quica has been visiting her a few times the last month.”

“I thought she was Peña's informant,” Carrillo said, picking up yet another paper.

“She is...” you said slowly.

“But?” Carrillo asked and you hesitated for a second before answering. You had never been one to talk shit about your colleagues but after months of being underestimated and ignored, you owed no favors to Javier Peña.

“But Peña has trouble keeping two things in his mind on the best of days. Put a naked lady in front of him and...well let's just say that some things are bound to get lost in the...exchange. So I opted for doing my own research and talking to her myself. Turns out the fucking isn't actually a necessary part of getting information.”

Carrillo didn't look up right away but you could have sworn there was a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth before he set the papers down, closed the folder, and met your gaze.

“I'm heading downtown to follow up on a lead from yesterday. Would you like to come along?”

You had to try your very hardest not to squeal and jump up and down like an over-eager puppy. Instead, you gave him a quick nod, though you couldn't quite keep the smile off your face.

“Yes, sir. I'd love to.”

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

That evening, you were the one strolling into the office, alongside Carrillo. Your white shirt was damp with sweat, sticking slightly to your back, and your knuckles were bruised and bleeding. Carrillo was not much better off.

Peña and Murphy looked up from their desks as the two of you entered and they immediately adopted similar expressions of confusion.

“What the hell?” Murphy snorted out an incredulous laugh, eyes darting from you to Carrillo and then back again. Peña looked torn between confusion and something almost akin to worry.

“Hello, boys,” you said, walking over to grab the whiskey bottle from its perch on the shelf “Care to join us for a celebratory drink?” You were pretty sure they both caught the slight icy chill of your voice but they nodded, too curious about what had just happened to pass up the offer.

You left it up to Carrillo to fill them in on the day's events. Carrillo was hardly the sentimental type but you did detect a tone of appreciation in his voice as he related the details leading up to your bruised knuckles. Murphy and Peña also picked up on it and they both looked at you as if this was the first time they had actually seen you since you moved into their office.

You slowly sipped the whiskey, feeling content for the first time in a long time. You hadn't realized just how much you had missed being out in the field. The familiar ache in your muscles felt damn good and you grinned into your glass as you took another sip.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

The next morning when you got to work you immediately noticed something had shifted. First of all, Peña was already there, which was a miracle in and of itself. He was always the last one to show up unless he and Murphy drove into work together.

“Good morning,” he said as you entered the room. His eyes quickly darted down to your bandaged hand and then back up you meet your gaze again.

“Good morning,” you replied as you shrugged out of your jacket and hung it up on the designated hooks on the wall, which so far you were the only one to use. “You're up early today.”

“No breakfast at home.”He nodded towards the half-eaten sandwich on his desk. “What's your reason?”

You couldn't help but laugh. It wasn't a cruel laugh but there was a minuscule hint of sadness to it.

“Javier, I'm always here at this time. Is there still breakfast in the kitchen?”

Peña nodded and you left to get a sandwich of your own and a cup of tea.

When you got back, Carrillo was standing next to Peña's desk and the two men were talking in serious voices, gesturing at the papers in front of them all while having a frown-off. You headed for your own desk but Carrillo snapped his fingers in your direction and whistled.

“I'm not a dog,” you pointed out, but Carrillo ignored you. You moved to look over Peña's shoulder to see what they were discussing. It was the folder you had handed Carrillo the day before. The one with all your notes on the children's hospital's charity event. The event you were 99,9% certain at least one of Escobar's men were going to show up to. “My notes,” you said, unnecessarily.

Carrillo nodded.

“Yes, I've just filled Peña in on what you told me yesterday.” You met Javier's gaze and could immediately tell that yep, he had definitely told Javier just about everything you'd said in his office yesterday. You took a quick bite from your sandwich in the hopes that it would spare you from having to comment on that. It did, because Carrillo continued.

“And you're right, we should definitely make sure we have some of our people there too.”

Javier shook his head and tapped the folder with a knuckle.

“Can't be us. Sorry. Murphy's gonna stand out like a sore fucking thumb and I'm not going in there without someone to watch my back:”

Carrillo looked unimpressed and almost disappointed as he listened to Javier.

“Well, isn't it a wonderful thing that Murphy isn't your only partner in this department then,” he said before turning towards you. “What do you say?”

“Me?” you asked and Carrillo looked almost as unimpressed with you as he had with Javier.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Over the next few weeks, the dynamic of the group slowly shifted and more and more often it was you who hurried out of the office to accompany Carrillo on his raids while Murphy and Peña stayed behind. The increased time spent out in the open meant less time spent doing research and gathering intel for your colleagues, who by this point had gotten accustomed to the steady stream of new leads to act on. The disappointment and sometimes jealousy was noticeable every time Carrillo showed up in the doorway, pointing his finger in your direction and gesturing for you to come with him.

After three weeks, Javier snapped.

“Oh for fuck's s... again?!” He slammed a folder shut and glared up at Carrillo, who simply raised an eyebrow in response. “What are me and Murphy passed our fucking expiration date, or what?”

You felt a spark of anger ignite in your chest and before you could put it out, you were taking a few steps towards Murphy and Peña, fixing them with your stare.

“Shut it, asshole!” you spat and both Murphy and Peña looked a little taken aback by your tone. You continued. “I was stuck at that desk for five months because the two of you refused to bring me along for...well, _anything_. I gather _all_ your intel for you, without as much as a thanks. Let you get the credit and pat yourselves on the fucking back and congratulate each other on being so goddamn clever. Now it's been what, three weeks of you actually having to do your own job, not only the fun bits, and you're already coming undone at the seams. So how about you just suck it the fuck up, return the favor and find us some useful information! We have a charity event coming up in about two weeks, for example. So...I don't know, Peña, you and Murphy can go...find me a dress or something, if you're that bored!”

You spun around and took two steps towards the door before stopping and turning back to the stunned agents.

“Oh, and also! I fucking hate coffee!”

Murphy and Peña didn't have time to answer before you left the room but you caught Steve's eye on the way out and he at least had the decency to look ashamed.

Carrillo joined you in the car a few moments after you'd slammed the passenger side door shut. He took his usual seat behind the wheel and looked over at you for a moment before he burst out laughing.

“Bien hecho,” he complimented, turning the keys in the ignition, while slowly shaking his head, still laughing.

“Remind me to check my desk for bombs when we get back,” you told him, feeling your anger drain away at his infectious laughter.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

There were no bombs when you got back to the empty office later that day but there was an unopened bottle of whiskey, with one of Steve's ties wrapped around the neck of the bottle and tied into a wonky bow. Next to it was a pack of Javier's smokes. Now, you didn't actually smoke but you understood the sentiment behind the gifts and smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologize in advance to anyone whose spanish is better than mine! If you spot any mistakes, I'd be super grateful if you could let me know <3

The next two weeks flew by faster than any of the previous ones had done. You telling the other two agents off seemed to have really struck a chord and you could tell that both Steve and Javier now made a genuine effort to include you in their discussions and banter. In return you extended an olive branch of your own and told Carrillo you were busy preparing for the charity event the next time he showed up, needing a partner. Javier instantly perked up at your words and gave Steve a pleading look. The blonde just rolled his eyes and gave him the go-ahead.

You and Steve spent the rest of the afternoon going over the layout for the events venue and guest list for the 100th time. You hadn't tried but you suspected you could recite by heart by now.

“Are you nervous?” Steve asked after he'd made you point out all the possible escape routes you could take in case your cover was blown.

“Wouldn't you be?”

“With that asshole as my only back-up?” he said with a nod towards Peña's desk. “I'd be terrified.”

You both chuckled but you felt something tighten in your chest. Steve must have picked up on it because his expression softened.

“You'll be fine. Javi can be a bit of a jerk sometimes but he's a damn fine agent and there isn't anyone else I'd rather want watching my back on a mission like this. He's not gonna let anything happen to you.”

You nodded slowly, hoping that whatever Steve said was true. It dawned on you that you'd never actually seen Javier on a mission like this. Sure you'd heard him take charge and bark orders over the phone but an undercover mission required a subtlety that you were suddenly worried Javier wouldn't be able to pull off.

Steve looked like he regretted opening his mouth in the first place.

“Seriously. I mean it. He knows what he's doing. And while I haven't had the pleasure myself yet, judging by the way Carrillo speaks of you, I'd say Javi is in pretty good hands too.”

He was clearly trying to reassure you and you felt a little bad for him so you smiled.

“Well, if I do make it out alive, let's promise to take each other along for the next one, okay?”

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

You stood in front of the mirror in your bathroom, pinning a strand of curled hair in place in the loose yet somewhat formal hairdo you had decided on for the evening, when there was a knock at the door. You glanced down at the gold wrist-watch on your arm. You had borrowed it from the office secretary, since you owned nothing that fancy yourself. It was 10 minutes before Javier was supposed to pick you up and considering that being early wasn't his strong suit, it was with a slight hesitation that you peered through the hole in the door to see who was outside.

Your breath hitched a little in your chest. It was Javier alright but it had taken you an extra moment to realize. He was wearing a gray tuxedo that fit him so well it looked like he'd been poured into it. Though instead of the traditional button-down shirt he was wearing a thin black polo shirt. His hair was slightly tousled, as always, but he was wearing a pair of black-rimmed glasses, which was a new addition and probably there as a way to very subtly disguise his features. He looked...well, incredible, you had to admit. You had assumed he would clean up quite nicely since he was an attractive man to begin with but clearly you had underestimated him.

“Are you actually going to let me in?” he asked, shifting a little awkwardly, “I heard your footsteps through the door.”

You took a step back and unbolted the door before opening it. As he saw you, Javier seemed to have the same reaction to you as you'd had to him only moments ago, only he didn't have the luxury of the door hiding his expression. He quickly recovered though and stepped into your apartment.

“Good thing I didn't actually go out to get you a dress. No way I could've topped that,” he said, indicating the deep red, wrap style, silk dress you were wearing. It fit you well. The fabric was casually wrapped around your body rather than skin-tight, which increased both comfort and movement. In the case of things going south, you didn't want your dress to be the reason you got killed. It was for the same reason that you had chosen a pair of heels in which you could actually run if you needed to.

“Thanks!” you said and then you couldn't help yourself “Carrillo did a good job picking it out.”

Javier looked like you'd just told him the sky was green and you waited a few seconds before giving him a devilish grin.

“Oh fuck you,” Javier laughed, “I almost believed you for a second.”

Javier took a few more steps into the apartment and looked around. It was the first time he, or anyone from work for that matter, had been here.

“Cozy,” he commented.

You offered him something to drink and he took a seat on your couch as you slipped back into the bathroom to put on lipstick and a pair of gold earrings.

When you re-emerged Javier was fidgeting with the corner of one of the couch pillows. His smile was a little stiff as he stood up.

“So...” he said. You nodded and suddenly felt nervous as well. You and Javier were posing as a married couple and although you had known this was the plan for several weeks it was as if it was only now that it dawned on you just what that might mean. You smiled at each other.

Javier stuck his hand into his pocket and pulled something out.

“Mi esposa,” he said and held out his hand in an unceremonious fashion. Two gold rings rested in the palm of his hand. You smiled and picked up the smaller of the two gold bands. It had several diamonds embedded in it. It looked simple yet expensive.

“Darling, you spoil me,” you joked.

As you slid the ring onto your finger, and watched Javier do the same with his ring, you had to will yourself to calm down. This wasn't your first mission and like Steve had said, Javier was a skilled agent and you did trust him to look out for you. This was going to go fine.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Things were not fine. The mission was going very well. But things were not fine.

It had started already in the taxi ride over. Javier had held the door open for you before walking around the car to take the seat next to you. As the car started, he had reached over and took your hand, casually linking your fingers together. You had tensed slightly with surprise and Javier had leaned a bit closer to speak, low enough for the cab driver not to hear.

“Sorry,” he apologized, “I just figured since we're newlyweds, that...”

“No no, it's fine!” you assured him. Logically, you had realized that some PDA would be necessary to sell the part but it was one thing to think about it in the theoretical sense and a whole other when Javier's warm thumb was rubbing small circles on your skin and tracing the lines in the palm of your hand. “Just caught me a bit by surprise.”

Javier didn't look entirely convinced so you raised your linked hands to your mouth and gave his knuckles a soft peck. He blinked and something flashed in his eyes which you could not decipher.

“Really, mi amor. It's fine,” you said. “This isn't my first time. I know what I'm getting myself into here.”

Turns out, that was a big fat lie. The hand-holding was one thing but once he'd gotten the go-ahead Javier spared no expenses in playing the part of a loving husband. From the moment you'd left the taxi, his hand hadn't left your body for more than a second. It was either resting warm and comforting against the small of your back or at your waist, as if trying to physically anchor you to him. It felt better than it had any business doing and you found yourself leaning into his frame even without having to make a conscious effort to. For comfort, you told yourself.

Javier gently steered you through the crowd, stopping every now and then to introduce yourselves with the aliases you had been given for the evening. Who knew he was such a smooth-talker? With little effort, he had the men and their wives laughing. You played your part of the coy and adoring wife just as convincingly. It had been decided that Javier would do most of the talking. Your Spanish wasn't bad by any means and you understood everything which was being said around you but Javier spoke with the ease of someone who'd learned the language already as a kid and having him entertain the other guests with his stories and antics gave you more time to survey the room.

You covered your mouth as you fake-giggled lightly at something Javier had just said and used that as an excuse to turn your head away slightly to look around you. So far there was no sign of any of Escobar's men but the event had just started and there was still plenty of time.

A couple of minutes later, the wife of the man who currently had Javier engaged in a conversation about boats and best vacation spots along the coastline leaned in and touched your arm gently to get your attention.

“Sígueme,” _(Follow me)_ she said and nodded her head towards the bar at the other end of the room. There was a slight twitch in Javier's hand on your hip, proving that he too had heard what the wife, Sophia, had just said, despite looking deeply engrossed in whatever her husband was telling him. Sophia gave you a conspiratorial smile.

“Tomemos un trago y hablemos de cosas que son realmente interesantes. Los barcos me aburren hasta la muerte.” _(Let's have a drink and talk about things that are actually interesting. Boats bore me to death)_ She rolled her eyes and the smile you gave her was genuine. A drink with this woman gave you the opportunity to move around the room, which would allow for better opportunities to spot the henchmen you were here to spy on.

As you turned to get Javier's attention he pretended for a moment not to notice even though you were certain that he'd been listening intently to what the other woman had just said.

“Querido,” _(Dear)_ you said and Javier gave you a soft smile, which almost had your knees buckling for a moment before you regained your composure. “Voy al bar con Sophia.” _(I'm going to the bar with Sophia)_

“Bueno,” _(Okay)_ he replied, and before you could step away, he pulled you closer and leaned in to place a lingering kiss on your cheek. His lips were soft against your skin and he smelled fantastic. This time your knees definitely went a bit wobbly. Javier's hand found yours and gave it a squeeze which was harder than needed. A warning. He didn't like the idea of separating but you were playing the part of a couple, not a pair of conjoined twins. Besides, all the talk of boats was boring you to death as well.

You touched his cheek in a way you hoped was comforting. His eyes held your gaze for a few moments and just as you pulled back Javier quickly aborted the movement of leaning forward that he'd just attempted.

Sophia grabbed your hand and quickly dragged you away from the two men. When you were out of earshot she gently nudged you in the side with her elbow and gave you a meaningful look.

“Eres afortunado,” _(You're lucky)_ she whispered, “Desearía que mi esposo me mirara así.” _(I wish my husband would look at me like that)_

You glanced back, found Javier was already looking at you and you quickly averted your gaze.


	3. Chapter 3

Sophia turned out to be an excellent company. Quick-witted and funny, she soon had the both of you laughing so much your sides hurt from keeping the volume down. She told you stories of her children, whom she referred to as Los tres demonios, and asked if you and Javier had any kids. You told her that you didn't, not yet, but that you'd love to someday. Sophia nodded and leaned back in her chair. When she lifted her drink she smirked and admitted that although children were wonderful she found it hard to believe that Javier would leave you dissatisfied in any way. You pretended to get flustered by her comment and she laughed kindly at you.

You used her comment as an excuse you look over to where your supposed husband was. He and three other men were sitting at one of the tables, deep in conversation which made the lit cigarettes hanging from the corners of their mouths bob up and down slightly as they spoke. Javier was sitting half-angled away from the table in a pose that was similar to yours. It was the pose of two people who were ready to jump from your chairs at a moments notice if you needed to. When Javier sat like that he just looked casual and relaxed, though. Your eyes lingered on him for a few moments longer. The light from the cigarette and the candles on the table dimly lit up the features of his face and you could understand Sophia's comment about you being lucky. Well, the fake you that you were playing for the evening being lucky anyway.

As you were observing him, Javier turned his head a fraction to look over at you. Your eyes met across the room and you felt the phantom touch of his hand against your back, wishing it was his actual hand resting there again, warm and comforting. Javier's eyes suddenly widened and you wondered if he'd somehow read your mind when you heard Sophia's delighted call from beside you.

“Hermano!” _(Brother!)_ she called and waved at someone over your shoulder. You turned to look at the person she'd greeted. Your heart skipped a beat and Javier's reaction immediately made sense. Walking over to you was none other than one of the men you had been waiting for all evening.

Alonso Sebastián was, according to your intel, one of Pablo's newer recruits. As far as the DEA knew he had yet to rank up a big body count but that didn't make him any less dangerous. The people who surrounded Pablo Escobar all were. Especially the ones who had something to prove.

“Hermanita,” _(Little sister)_ he greeted Sophia when he came over and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Maravilloso verte! Y quien es este?” _(Wonderful to see you! And who is this?)_ he was looking at you now and his eyes lingered on certain parts of your body in a way that would have made you uncomfortable even if you hadn't known who he was. You didn't let it show on your face, though, and instead, you reached your hand out towards him and introduced yourself. Alonso took your hand and brought it to his face, kissing your knuckle. Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw Javier make a sharp movement to get up from the table before stopping himself.

“Encantada de conocerte! Soy Alonso.” _(Nice to meet you! I'm Alonso)_

“Encantado de conocerte también, Alonso!” _(Nice to meet you too, Alonso!)_ you replied. Your heart beat so fast. From fear or excitement, you couldn't quite tell. This was the reason who were here tonight.

“Alonso, siéntate y bebe con nosotros,” _(Alonso, sit down and drink with us)_ Sophia told her brother, saving you from having to come up with an excuse to make him stay. Alonso looked between the two of you, smiled, and asked how he could possibly turn down an offer like that. He waved a waiter over and ordered a glass of whiskey for himself and refills of both yours and Sophia's drinks.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Listening to Sophia and Alonso talk wasn't as tense as you thought listening to one of Pablo's henchmen would be. You could tell that the two siblings cared a lot for each other and that they couldn't wait to catch up with how the other was doing. Still, they both made an effort to keep you included in the conversation and if you hadn't known who Alonso was you would have quite enjoyed both of their company.

Sophia didn't hold any details back when she spoke, whether relevant to the story or not, but you did notice that Alonso was a bit more tight-lipped. You didn't think it was just because you were there but rather got the impression that it was Sophia that he was trying to keep in the dark about certain things.

You had thought you would be the one nervous to end up being interrogated but instead, it was Alonso who navigated carefully through the conversation to avoid unintentionally laid traps. It was easy for you to worm your way into his good graces just by subtly distracting Sophia a few times when she was edging too close to an uncomfortable topic.

A few minuted later Alonso declared that this was enough talk for now and that he needed to stretch his legs. At this point, the live band had begun playing a little louder than before and Alonso turned to you and asked if you would like to dance. His smile was distinctly flirty. You noticed and so did Sophia.

“Ella esta casada,” _(She is married)_ she informed her brother, who looked disappointed for a moment before regaining his confidence.

“Seré un caballero. Solo un baile, lo prometo.” _(I will be a gentleman. Just a dance, I promise)_

You pretended to weigh your options, as if Javier wouldn't see what a golden opportunity this was to get information.

“Solo un baile,” _(Just one dance)_ you said, raising a finger as a playful warning. Alonso drew a cross over his heart with his index finger and you smiled and stood up, offering him your hand. Sophia stood as well and declared that she too wanted to dance and was going to go find her husband.

Alonso led you onto the dancefloor and, true to his word, placed his hand high in the middle of your back and kept a respectful distance between your bodies as he started swaying you both in time with the music.

“Gracias,” _(Thanks)_ he said and you raised an eyebrow questioningly. He gestured with his head towards Sophia's back and explained that she could be quite intense with her questions. You jokingly said that surely there couldn't be any secrets between siblings. Alonso's smile dimmed.

“Lo siento,” _(I'm sorry)_ you apologized, “No es mi asunto.” _(It's none of my business)_ Alonso shook his head and assured you it was fine. You felt like a lioness laying hidden in the high grass, waiting for her prey to walk into the trap she had just laid out. It barely took Alonso a minute before he started talking. He explained that he traveled a lot for work and that he didn't want his sister to worry about him when he was gone. You asked him what he did for a living, making sure to keep the tone of your voice casual and light. It wasn't a strange question, after all, so there was no reason to be too shy with asking.

“Soy vendedor,” _(I'm a salesman)_ Alonso told you.

You carefully questioned him for the next few minutes, all under the pretense of wanting to help with whatever tension was between him and Sophia. And Alonso let slip several useful bits of information, probably without even realizing. Your acting was top-notch, if you could say so yourself and you had Alonso eating right from your hand without him even realizing that you were feeding him poison. You were so busy trying to make him feel comfortable around you that you hadn't noticed that the distance between you had decreased, so that your chest was almost touching his, and that his arm was more casually wrapped around your waist now. It was only when someone cleared their throat behind you that you noticed the intimate fashion in which you had been dancing.

“Perdóneme.” _(Excuse me)_ That was Javier's voice, but there was none of the light-hearted charm from earlier in his tone. “Me gustaría bailar con mi esposa ahora, por favor.” _(I would like to dance with my wife now, please)_

You took a step back from Alonso and turned around. Javier's jaw was tightly clenched. His eyes were dark with jealousy and possessiveness and you were taken aback by how real the emotions looked. Your own acting, that you had praised only a few minutes ago, paled in comparison to this.

You heard Alonso mumble something of an apology but Javier was already grabbing you and pulling you in. His hand caressed your cheek before cradling the back of your head. Before you could either say or do anything Javier's lips were on yours and he was kissing you, roughly. He tasted of smoke and whiskey.

A surprised noise escaped you. What the hell was Javier doing? Selling the idea of you being a couple was one thing, but interrupting your interrogation just to make out in the middle of the dancefloor was just overdoing it. Though you had to admit it was anything but a bad kiss and you felt something stir in your chest as Javier sucked your lower lips between his own and breathed out a sigh that could mean anything. The hand that wasn't holding your face close snaked around your waist and pulled you flush against him. His chest was scorching hot against yours.

You raised your arms to wrap them around his neck and in doing so Javier had to move his hand from the back of your head. This allowed you to pull back from the kiss. Javier's eyes were pitch black as he looked at you.

“What are you playing at?” you whispered low enough for only him to hear, slightly out of breath and unable to keep your eyes from looking at his mouth, shiny with your mixed saliva.

Javier didn't reply right away but his vision seemed to clear a bit and as it did, it gave way for something else. Annoyance, you realized.

“What am I playing at? What are _you_ playing at?” Javier whispered back and you felt confused. You plastered a flirty smile onto your face and took Javier's hand in your own. You would have leaned in to kiss his cheek if it weren't for the fact that he looked like he might have bit you if you tried.

“Afuera?” _(Outside?)_ you asked. Whatever had Javier's panties in a bunch wasn't something to be discussed in the middle of a dancefloor surrounded by people who had no idea who you both really were. Javier nodded and gave you a smile of his own. To people further away it probably looked convincing but you were close enough to see that the smile didn't reach his eyes at all.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Outside, you stopped walking when you were far away from the open doors not to be overheard.

“Dime,” _(Tell me)_ you said, opting for Spanish even though it was no longer needed, “What's wrong?”

“Are you trying to get yourself killed?” Javier asked, keeping his voice low, “I brought you along to assist me, not to hook up with the mark.”

“ _Assist_ you?” you whispered almost inaudibly. You suddenly felt like you had back when you'd first come to Colombia, nothing more than a decorative piece of furniture in the Murphy and Peña show. Was this how he'd viewed you on this mission? Not as a partner but as an assistant, a distraction for the others while he did the job. Disappointment, shame, and anger all burned in your chest and on your cheeks.

Javier must not have heard you because he continued “You read the file on him too. You know he's dangerous, a fucking murderer.”

“I _created_ the file, Peña,” you hissed and Javier quickly shushed you for using his real name.

“Then what the hell were you thinking?” he asked, hands flexing as if he wanted to reach for you. You were very glad that he didn't. You didn't want to talk to him right now, let alone touch him. The kiss seemed eons ago even though your lips still burned from it. Instead of answering his question, you looked down at your watch.

“Let's go home. We got what we needed.”

“No, we didn't,” Javier said.

“Yes, we did! Now find us a taxi!” you spat back, in a tone of voice that left no room for discussion.


	4. Chapter 4

The ride home was spent in death-silence. The taxi driver sometimes glanced at the two of you in the rearview mirror but he was wise enough not to speak either.

When you got to the apartment complex where you all lived you got out of the taxi and as it drove off Javier said your name. The ride home seemed to at least have calmed his emotions because his tone was no longer angry. However, you still felt like you might explode.

“Goodnight, Peña,” was all you dared to reply. If you started talking now there was no telling what you would say. It was better not to risk it.

As you walked inside, Steve Murphy stopped in his tracks, halfway down the hallway stairs. He'd probably been waiting for your return and had heard the car pull up outside. His expression shifted from eager to confused and worried as he saw yours and Peña's expressions.

“What happened?” he demanded and you could see how he went through the different possible catastrophic scenarios in his head.

“The mission was a bust,” Javier sighed as the front door shut with a thud. You frowned.

“No, it wasn't,” you disagreed, crossing your arms over your chest and throwing a quick glance in Javier's direction before turning back to Steve. “We got almost exactly what we needed.”

“What?” Javier asked and Steve looked equally confused. You looked between the two of them.

“The information. I had him all to myself for like...20 minutes. What do you think I was doing?”

“You were...dancing,”

You threw your hands out to your sides and rolled your eyes. _Fucking Peña!_

“I was _working,_ Javier. The whole point of the evening was to get us information and I was getting us information!”

“His hands were all over you,” Javier protested but his momentum had faltered a little. He turned to Steve for backup. “Alonso Sebastián. She just took off and... I had to...”

“I had him exactly where I wanted him!” you interrupted.

Steve looked uncomfortably at his oldest partner.

“It sounds like she knows what she was doing, Javi,” he said, almost a little apologetically, which annoyed you.

“Of course I knew what I was doing! How come it's so hard for you two to get it into your skulls that I have been doing this stuff _for years_? Yes, I was dancing... _dancing_ ,” you emphasized looking at Steve, “with Alonso Sebastián but I was in no danger that required Javier to swoop in and rescue me.”

“He looked like he was about to take you home with him any minute.” Javier protested.

“So what?!”

“We're supposed to be married!” Now it was Javier's turn to cross his arms in annoyance.

“No. We were supposed to _get information._ And I would have gone home with any man in that room if it meant getting information that gets us closer to catching Escobar.”

Javier looked like you had slapped him. He gave you an incredulous look and opened his mouth to protest but before he could reply Steve Murphy interrupted.

“Married or not, you're doing a damn fine impression of it right now. But it's late and arguing in the hallway isn't gonna help us catch anyone. How about we all go home, calm down, and talk about what you two _did_ manage to find out in the morning? And dude...” He turned to Javier. “You gotta start letting her in and trusting her. You were this way with me in the beginning as well and it was fucking annoying. We're all partners here.”

Javier pursed his lips like a child that had just been told off.

“But now”, Steve continued, “Beds. Everyone!”

As Steve walked past you towards the stairs he put his hand on your shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze.

“Good job, tonight!”

The compliment and Steve's other comments settled in your chest and dimmed the shame and disappointment from Javier's earlier comments. Peña might still be an asshole sometimes but it wasn't the two of them against you this time and that felt really good.

Good enough that you even wished Javier a good night before you headed back to your own apartment for the night.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

There was a knock at your door and when you rolled over in bed to look at the clock och your wall you saw that it had been almost two hours since you got home. You rubbed your eyes and grabbed your robe from the chair next to your bed. As you walked towards the door, you yawned.

Just like earlier in the evening, it was Javier standing outside when you looked through the hole in the door. He was still wearing the black polo shirt from before but without the jacket and the glasses were gone as well. He looked tired.

You contemplated not opening and just going back to bed. You weren't in the mood for more arguments tonight. But in the end, curiosity won out. Javier didn't look like he was angling for a fight either.

“Hey,” you said a little hesitantly when you had opened the door.

“Hey,” Javier replied, equally hesitant. “Can I come in?”

“Depends,” you said but you were already taking a step to the side to let him in. “I'm too tired for another shouting-match.”

“I just want to talk,” he assured. “No shouting, I promise. I can't sleep and I just... I just want to talk.”

You gestured for him to get inside and closed the door behind him. Javier immediately headed for the couch but just as he was about to sit down he seemed to change his mind.

“I owe you an apology,” he admitted.

“You do,” you replied. It wasn't a question. Javier breathed out slowly and seemed to be weighing his next words carefully.

“I got worried. I've never been out in the field with you before and I wasn't sure what you're capable of. I didn't want you to...

“You didn't want me to fuck up,” you supplied helpfully. Javier frowned.

“No,” he said, voice surprisingly soft, “I didn't want you to get hurt.”

You walked over to him and even though Javier was still standing you took a seat on the couch. He remained standing for a few more moments before sitting down as well.

“You called me your assistant,” you told him, not angrily but you did let some of the hurt through in your voice. Javier looked confused so you elaborated. “You told me I was there to _assist you._ ”

“Yes. You were. We were there to assist each other. But you took off so quickly with Sophia and then you were dancing with Sebastián and...” Javier trailed off. He wrung his hands in his lap, picking at a small scab on his thumb. “When you were dancing with him, you only had eyes for him and...it felt like I'd lost my backup. Without you there I got worried that they might recognize me and that if they did, you wouldn't notice quick enough to react...”

You watched Javier in silence as his words sunk in and suddenly you felt ashamed again, though this time not from what Javier had done but from what you yourself had done. You realized that it wasn't Javier who had wanted to treat you like his assistant. It was you who had treated him like yours. You had been so preoccupied with getting information out of Sebastián that it had made you blind to other things. Every undercover mission you had been on so far had been solo missions and you were so used to relying on yourself that you had failed to consider what risk you put your partner in by not getting him involved.

“Javier...”

“I know the mission was to get intel,” he hurried to interrupt, “I know that was the main goal but I just wish we could have done it together, that's all.” He chewed on his lip, looking deep in thought before turning to you. “And it pissed me off seeing you with him while I was being sidelined.”

Javier looked like he was gearing up for more explanations so you quickly held up a finger.

“My turn,” you said with a small smile. Then, “Javier, I'm sorry. I was so desperate to prove myself to you and Murphy that I didn't think... The way you blended in with the other guests, I didn't consider that you would need me. I ditched you and that wasn't fair.”

“I couldn't both focus on not blowing my own cover and also having your back,” Javier said as if admitting a giant flaw in himself. He let out a slow breath. “I got scared I'd miss something and get one of us killed.”

“It wasn't just your job to keep us safe. I should have helped.”

Javier reached over and took your hand in his. Carefully he trailed a fingertip along the gold wedding band you only now realized that you had forgotten to take of. You noted that Javier still had his on too. His hand felt good in yours. Neither of you said anything for a long while, both deep in thought.

In the end, it was Javier who broke the silence.

“I should go home,” he said. You nodded slowly but almost reluctantly and he dropped your hand before standing up. It felt too cold when you walked him to the door and said goodnight for a second time tonight. Part of you had wanted to ask him to stay. For what, you weren't sure.

When you crawled back into bed again, you lifted your hand to look at the ring on your finger. You would take it off in the morning.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

The next day was Saturday, which meant technically you weren't required to go into the office, unless something big happened, but all three of you were eager to start discussing the fruit of yesterday's mission.

Murphy called you at an ungodly hour in the morning and told you to get your butt down to Javier's apartment. You told him that Javier had come over last night and that you'd talked.

“Great! I'll leave the gun home then,” he joked but you could have sworn that you actually heard the thud of something hard being put down in the background. “See you soon!”

You hurriedly showered and got dressed before heading downstairs. When you got to Javier's apartment Steve was already there. He looked more energized than anyone had any right being. Javier, in contrast, looked like he still hadn't slept. His hair was all over the place and his eyes puffy. The t-shirt he was wearing you were pretty sure was one he slept in, considering its threadbare state.

On the kitchen counter, there were three plates, each carrying a small mountain of scrambled eggs.

“Morning,” you greeted them and took a seat at the kitchen table, opposite Steve. They replied with varying degrees of eloquence. Javier grabbed the plates and put one down in front of each of you.

“Eat up! I've already warned Murphy that there will be no talk of work until at least half of this is gone,” he said gesturing at the eggs. “That goes for you too.”

“Yes, sir, that's understood!”

The corner of Javier's mouth twitched before he began shoveling food in.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Steve and you carried most of the conversation while you all ate. The slow chit-chat was pleasant. You asked Steve about his family back in the States and he shared a few amusing anecdotes from growing up.

Half-way through a story about borrowing his parents' car, you caught Javier staring at your hand. Crap. You had forgotten to take the ring off. Again. You wondered what was going through Javier's mind. There was a tiny frown on his face but then again, that was pretty much the default state of Javier's face. However, when he reached for his glass of water you noticed that the ring was still on his finger too, so whatever he was thinking couldn't be too bad considering he was just as forgetful.

You returned your focus to Steve, who was just delivering the punchline to his story, which consisted of him imitating swerving the car to avoid hitting a cow. All three of you laughed.

The breakfast continued until all the plates were empty and Steve and Javier had finished their coffee. Then it was time for business.

“So,” Steve said, while Javier cleared away the plates and put them in the sink. “Let's go over what happened yesterday...sans the marital spat. What did you manage to find out?”

Javier sighed. “I mostly got stuck with vacation recommendations. Apparently, Santa Marta really is the place to go.” He gestured towards you. “What did Sebastián let spill?”

“Well, a whole bunch of stuff about his family. Like Escobar, he's very much a family man. Has no wife and kids of his own but he's very close with his sister and from what he said it sounded like Escobar is trying to get her and her husband involved in some way, not sure how, but Sebastián didn't sound very happy about it. He also spoke of another smuggling route. It definitely won't be Escobar we're catching there but hey, every transport stopped is a small win, right? You got a map?”

Javier nodded and went to fetch one. You spread it out on the table and circled an area close to the border to Panama.

“He didn't say exactly where but judging by his descriptions, I'd say it's somewhere here.”

Steve nodded “We should pass that along to the police, they can set up surveillance in the area and pinpoint the route more exactly. You got anything else?”

You nodded.

“Yes...well, half of something at least. We got a little bit...interrupted,” you said trying to not sound like you were blaming Javier. But it had been a very ill-timed interruption on his part, even if you now understood the reasoning behind it better after the talk last night.

“The Narcos are having a big meet-up somewhere. Not sure if Escobar himself will be there but judging by Sebastián's description it sounded big enough that he very well could be. He also spoke of colleagues from other parts of the country being there so who knows what the hell they're cooking up.”

“When is this?” Steve asked.

“In two months. Didn't get an exact date.”

“Did he tell you where?”

You shook your head and saw your own disappointment mirrored on Steve's face. Colombia was a big place when all you knew was that somewhere in it the narcos were gonna meet up at some point in two months. They would need to get more intel from somewhere if they were even gonna have a shot in hell of figuring it out.

“Santa Marta,” Javier suddenly said. He'd been silent while Steve handled the questions but now he looked more awake than he had all morning.

“What?” both you and Steve asked in unison.

“They're gonna meet up in Santa Marta,” Javier said, standing up. He rapped his finger against the right spot on the map. “It fits. You said Sebastián was worried because Escobar was trying to get his family involved in this somehow. Well, I spent the whole evening listening to Sophia's husband going on and on about their vacation home up there and how they were both going soon. It's easily accessible from the States and you said colleagues were showing up from other parts of the country? Lord knows those Cali bastards spend their fair share of time there already. If we hadn't gotten this intel the DEA and the police wouldn't even have put it down as something out of the ordinary if they spotted a few Cali yachts heading in that direction.”

Javier's grin was bright enough to light up the whole room and you felt a little light-headed, though probably not just from the smile. This was huge. If this information was accurate you had a really good chance of catching some really bad fishes.

Steve looked like he was even more tempted than you to get up and kiss Javier.

“We need to call Carrillo,” he said, getting up from the table and almost bouncing over to the telephone. As he called and told Carrillo to meet you all at the office as soon as he could, you and Javier looked at each other. Both had stupid smiles on your faces.

“Apparently we did do it together after all,” you said, repeating Javier's wish from last night. He just smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say a collective Thanks to everyone who's taken the time to comment and leave kudos! I really really appreciate it and you are all so sweet and kind <3

The rest of the morning was spent in, what to an outsider, must have looked like complete chaos. The office was filled with people running about and Carrillo was yelling orders like Christmas had come early for him.

You and Javier were tasked with finding out exactly where the family's vacation home was in Santa Marta. Steve disappeared off somewhere with Carrillo and Trujillo and they didn't come back for the rest of the day.

No one remembered lunch and by the time 6 o'clock rolled around you had a slight headache building. You pinched the bridge of your nose. Javier noticed and looked up from the list of possible addresses he was reading. An unlit cigarette was hanging from between his lips. He'd put it there half an hour ago but just as he'd been about to light it something else had caught his attention and he'd forgotten about it. Just as good. He'd already gone through the better part of a pack today. That along with five cups of coffee and no food could hardly be doing wonders for his body.

“You okay?” he asked and you nodded.

“Fine, just a bit of a headache. Think I'm a bit hungry... Despite the mountain of eggs I had this morning” You gave him a crooked smile and Javier looked thoughtful for a moment before pushing his chair back from the desk.

“Let's go get some food. We're gonna be here tomorrow again so no point in running ourselves to the brink of exhaustion just for the hell of it.”

You didn't need much convincing. Just scribbled down a note for Steve, telling him you'd gone home, in case he came back here before going home as well.

Neither of you felt like dining somewhere out among other people so you picked up some food on the way home and decided that Javier's couch was as good as any fancy restaurant today.

When you got home, Javier turned on the tv and propped his feet up on the coffee table. He had the box of food in one hand and a fork in the other. You adopted a similar pose and the two of you ate mostly in silence as you watched some comedy show you didn't know the name of. Javier laughed softly every now and then. You looked over at him every time, hoping to catch the way his eyes turned squinty as he smiled. Javier looked back a few times and caught you watching but he didn't say anything, just smiled. This was quite nice, you had to admit.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Later, when the food was long gone and Javier had switched channels to watch the news, you yawned. You sat a bit more curled up on the couch, not quite sleepy yet but definitely content and comfortable. Javier had slid down so he was half-lying as he watched the tv.

“You think Murphy's gotten back yet?” He asked. You shrugged.

“No idea. Haven't heard a car, though. Did they say where they were going?”

“Nope. Not that I heard anyway.”

“You think we're gonna catch them?” you asked, changing the subject but Javier followed.

“I hope so. It would feel damn good with a win. Especially considering I almost fucked it all up by interrupting you and Sebastián... I'm sorry for attack-kissing you like that, by the way.”

“Don't be,” you said with a shrug and a half-smile in his direction, “I've had way worse kisses in my life. A bit of a warning beforehand would have been nice though.”

Javier didn't answer but when you turned your head towards him he was already watching you with a curious expression on his face.

“You're still wearing your ring,” he said and you looked down at your hand.

“So are you,” you replied. Javier was quiet again. This time you didn't quite dare to look up and see if he was still watching you. After a few moments, you cleared your throat.

“It's getting pretty late. I should go home,” you said quietly, unknowingly echoing Javier's parting words from the night before. You moved to untangle yourself from the couch.

“Why don't you stay?” The tone of Javier's voice was impossible to read but you felt your heartbeat speed up all the same.

“For what?” you asked him after what felt like an eternity but was probably no more than three seconds. Javier moved, sitting up a little straighter on the couch and you watched him swallow.

“For whatever you want.”

You didn't move. But you didn't move away either, which Javier seemed to take as a good sign. He shifted closer, slow enough for you to change your mind if you wanted to. But you didn't move. You wet your lips with the tip of your tongue. Javier watched the gesture as he put his hand on your thigh and leaned in.

“You still want that warning?” he asked.

“Consider me warned,” you whispered.

The kiss was much more gentle this time around. Unlike the one on the dancefloor, which had been fueled by Javier's anger, this one was soft and exploring. He took his time and by the time you opened your mouth to his, you felt like something was about to explode in your chest. You wished Javier had at least three extra pairs of hands. For every part of you that he touched there were at least five other parts that ached to be next.

You moved so that you were straddling him on the couch and his hands quickly found your hips and slid upwards, underneath your shirt. You raised your arms and a moment later your shirt was gone and Javier's breath was hot against your throat as he kissed his way down to your sternum.

He cursed under his breath as you slowly rolled your hips against him and his grip on you tightened. You took his face in your hands and angled it upwards so you could kiss him again.

Javier pressed up against you, letting out a low moan, and as it reverberated against your lips something clicked into place in your mind and all your thoughts of _moremoremore_ suddenly ground to a halt in your mind.

“What are we doing?” you asked.

Javier chuckled lightly from where his face was nestled in the crook of your neck.

“Well, if you have to ask, I'm clearly doing something wrong here.”

“No, I mean it, Javi,” you said and gently pushed him back. He took in the serious look on your face and you watched as disappointment washed over his.

“We're just having a good time,” he said but it sounded almost like a question.

“We're partners. I don't sleep with my partners!”

“Neither have I up until now, but the supply has been pretty limited. I mean Murphy is a swell guy but he sweats like a pig and lacks certain attributes which I very much enjoy.” He was joking but you could hear the steely undertone to his voice.

“Javier, I'm sorry,” you said and he helped you climb off him.

“Don't worry about it,” he said but he didn't look you in the eyes. Instead, he leaned forward to grab the packet of cigarettes on the coffee table. You picked up your shirt from behind the couch and pulled it back on. You watched the back of Javier's head as he lit the cigarette and took a long drag. His shoulders looked tense.

“Thank you for the food,” you said. Javier looked up and for a fraction of a moment, there was hurt in his eyes before he nodded briskly.

“I'll see you at the office tomorrow, partner,” he said.

He didn't get up to walk you out. You felt a slight twinge of annoyance at how he made you feel like the bad guy for being the responsible one here, or maybe it was disappointment on your part as well.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

The next morning was the first day since you started working with the DEA when you contemplated calling in sick. You'd slept terribly and felt dead on your feet but you couldn't lie and pretend that a big part of your reluctance to go to work didn't have to do with your colleague and downstairs neighbor. The one which you had been straddling and kissing just a few hours prior.

You'd disappointed Javier by breaking it all off before it had really gotten started, you had been able to tell already the night before, and part of you could understand. It had been a while, for you at least, and it had felt really good to be touched by someone again. It wouldn't be that much of a shock if Javier had enjoyed it too. There had been some pretty strong indicators that this had been the case. But he was also known to be a man who had little trouble finding willing participants for his nightly activities. If he needed a warm body in his bed, he had plenty of options that he didn't also have to keep a professional relationship with in the morning. You enjoyed finally being viewed as his and Murphy's equal too much for you to want to demote yourself to just being one of his conquests.

Besides that, there were several other reasons why sleeping with Javier Peña was a terrible idea. You should know. You had spent the better part of an hour going over them in your head when you'd gotten back from his apartment the night before. All to keep your resolve from crumbling and you from going back downstairs.

When 7 o'clock rolled around you realized that staying home would result in more questions than you were willing to answer and considering the breakthrough the team had the day before you weren't sure that your colleagues would actually let you stay home, unless you were dying, and you weren't willing to go quite that far with your pretend-sickness. There was also a small part of your brain that didn't want Javier to know that last night had gotten to you in this way.

So you showered and got dressed. If the outfit looked slightly stricter than what you usually wore it was pure coincidence.

When you reached out to open your door, you spotted the ring on your left hand. You stopped and looked at it for a couple of seconds before pulling it off and placing it carefully on the small table next to you.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Showing up at the office weren't as bad as you thought it would be. Javier seemed to have reverted back to his laissez-faire approach to when work started in the morning and was nowhere to be seen. Neither was Steve and it was only when you looked at your watch that you realized you were even earlier than usual. So you went to the shared kitchen to make yourself a cup of tea.

There was already someone else in the kitchen, turned away from you, and leaning over the coffee-maker. You didn't need to see his face to know who he was, though. There was only one person in the office who willingly wore such ridiculously tight shirts.

“Morning,” you greeted Carrillo when he turned around, having heard you enter.

“You are early,” he answered and looked over at the clock on the wall. You smiled at him and went to fetch a mug from one of the cabinets.

“Is that a crime?” you asked and threw a glance at him over your shoulder. He was watching you with a slight frown over the brim of the coffee mug he was currently drinking from. He shook his head as he lowered the mug.

“No. You're just usually very punctual with when you arrive. But this is good. You can come with me to go see a travel agent over by Chapinero.”

“What's he done?”

“Nothing yet,” Carrillo stated simply yet offered no further details. Getting any information from Horacio Carrillo, beyond what you specifically asked for, was like pulling teeth sometimes.

“So we're going to go see him because...”

“His son has gone missing the day before yesterday. I want to talk to him about it.”

“Is his son anyone we know of?” you asked, turning back to fill your mug with hot water.

“Not yet.”

Two syllables... It took mental strength not to bang your forehead against the cabinet in front of you.

“When do we leave?”

“Thirty minutes. Gives you plenty of time to fill me in on what you and Javier got up to yesterday.”

You almost choked on your tea before you realized that of course, Carrillo was talking about the progress you'd made with finding out the location of the Santa Marta vacation home. Carrillo motioned for you to follow him back to your office, where you proceeded to show him the three addresses you and Javier had managed to narrow it down to yesterday. He frowned and crossed his arms before leaning back in the chair he'd pulled up to your desk.

“None of them would be ideal for an ambush without knowing the terrain beforehand,” he said and you shook your head. He was right. But it was too risky to start patrolling the area, and you told him as much.

“I know. We'll think of something,” he said, looking thoughtful. You each finished your drinks mostly in silence, staring at the map of Santa Marta.

“Alright, let's go!” he said a short while later and stood up. He gave you a once over as you stood as well. “Leave the jacket and let your hair down,” he told you and you scoffed at him.

“Are you giving me styling tips?”

Now it was Carrillo's turn to smile.

“If you're gonna be any use as a backup, I need you to blend in better than...” he gestured towards your general being, “...this. So leave the jacket here and let your hair down.”

Realizing that there really was no point in arguing, you shrugged out of the jacket you were wearing, rolled up the sleeves of your shirt to your elbows, and pulled the hair tie from your hair. You did a twirl for Carrillo and he rolled his eyes at you.

“Don't make me regret this,” he begged but you saw the twinkle of amusement in his eyes as he strained to keep a stern face.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

On your way to the car, you met Javier and Steve just outside of the embassy. They appeared to have driven here together.

“Aha! This explains why you didn't answer your door this morning when I knocked. Javier thought you might be sick.” Steve said, cheerful and completely unaware of how his partner next to him tensed up slightly. You suddenly felt very grateful that you had decided to show up for work after all. And that you had decided to go in early. Partly to prove Javier wrong and also because being stuck in a car with Javier was pretty much the last thing you wanted right now.

“Not sick, just felt a bit more energized this morning so I figured I'd get an early start. We are heading out for a bit but we'll be back later,” you answered Steve in an equally cheery voice.

“Alright! Maybe meet you back here for lunch then? Me and Javi will finish what you two started yesterday then.” Steve said and if he'd known just what you and Javier had started the day before, he might have been more careful with his wording. You nodded and gave him the thumbs up. Javier still hadn't spoken and was fiddling with his lighter, giving it more attention than the action really warranted.

Carrillo, unlike Steve, definitely did notice Javier's tension and your forced cheerfulness and when you glanced over at him there were at least three new frown lines on his forehead. He kept his usual bluntness in check until the two of you had gotten in the car, though, for which you were grateful. Even if you had preferred for him not to have noticed at all.

“What happened yesterday?” he asked, without preamble, as he drove the car out of the garage.

“What do you mean?” you countered innocently, knowing fully well that Carrillo wouldn't fall for it but hoping that your question might at least buy you a few seconds before you had to answer. Carrillo sighed.

“Your voice for starters. It's weird. And I know you've said Javier can't do two things at the same time, but he could light a cigarette in his sleep so he was definitely avoiding to look at one of us back there, and I haven't seen him since last morning which means it must be you. So what happened?”

“It's nothing...” you started but were immediately cut off as Carrillo slammed his foot on the breaks and made you jerk forward in the car.

“Ow, what the hell, Horacio?” you complained as soon as you realized that there had been no reason for the sudden stop.

Carrillo pushed his sunglasses up in his hair and turned to level you with a stare.

“We're in the middle of a war here. That means zero room for lies and omissions of truth. I'm not asking what happened yesterday because I particularly care about the details of who did what and who's the asshole, but I am trusting you and Javier with the lives of my men and myself and so I need to know that whatever happened isn't big enough to jeopardize our safety. So either you tell me, or you can get out of the car right now and go home. Your choice.”

You stared out on the street ahead for a fraction of a second before you squared your shoulders and turned to face him again.

“We kissed. It was a bad idea so I broke it off. This was the first time we saw each other since I went home last night. So yes, things were a little weird just now but please don't insult me or agent Peña by insinuating that we're unprofessional enough to risk people's lives for stupid reasons. If anything happened that meant we couldn't be trusted out in the field, we would be the first ones to put ourselves on leave. So if you wanna kick me out of the car then fine, but there's no reason for it.”

Carrillo watched you silently for a few seconds and you stared back, refusing to avert your eyes. You got the impression that he was testing you. After the seconds had passed, he turned away and started the car again.

“Love makes people stupid,” he stated simply. You crossed your arms over your chest.

“I don't love agent Peña. This isn't a freaking Disney movie.”

Carrillo just hummed in response.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Backing Carrillo up as he visited the travel agent turned out to mean sitting at the café on the opposite side of the street, eating an ice-cream and watching the street while Carrillo went inside and spoke to the man. You had borrowed Carrillo's sunglasses to avoid having to squint.

It was a lovely and sunny day so you really shouldn't complain but watching the calm street did give you a little too much time to think, both about Javier and about Carrillo's words in the car. Your response had been an honest one. You wouldn't put someone's life at risk over something like this. And neither would Javier, you were certain. This would blow over. It was just a kiss, after all, nothing more. Suddenly Carrillo's skeptical hum echoed in your head and you bit into your ice-cream a bit more aggressive than necessary.

Carrillo emerged from the travel agency about ten minutes later and waved for you to get back to the car. You stood up and joined him.

“Well absolutely nothing happened out here,” you told him as you got into the car. “How did your talk with the travel agent go?”

Carrillo shrugged.

“I am not sure. He didn't have much useful information but we'll have someone look into his son's disappearance.”

You nodded as Carrillo steered the car back towards to embassy for lunch with the other two agents. You weren't too keen on the idea.


	6. Chapter 6

Over the next few days things had pretty much gone back to the pre-kiss state of being. Javier had been quiet and grumpier than usual during the first day and you had wondered if you were going to have to be the bigger man, or woman as it were, and insist that the two of you talk about what had happened to solve whatever tension was between the two of you. But already on the second day you had found Javier shamelessly flirting with the receptionist over by the coffee-maker when you'd gone to get a cup of tea. He'd thrown you a quick glance when you'd entered the room but then he'd quickly looked away and laughed at something the receptionist had said. You would be lying if you said it hadn't stung just a little bit to watch him give her _that_ smile, but you'd quickly told yourself that this was for the best. The more Javier flirted with other women the less weird he would be with you and the more relaxed he became the more relaxed you would become. It was a good thing, you told yourself.

It wasn't just Javier's mood that improved during the week. Everyone in the office had been in a generally good mood since the breakthrough the previous weekend. The atmosphere in the office was nice and you even overheard Carrillo whistling one morning. You were relieved. You had been worrying that the kiss between you and Javier would ruin and fuck things up but that didn't seem to be the case. While you and Javier hadn't spoken about it, it felt like the two of you had written it all off as mistake brought on by the giddiness of the success in the aftermath of the charity event. If you sometimes caught yourself watching Javier's mouth as it closed around the end of one of his cigarettes, it was okay, because you caught him watching you too sometimes when you drank your tea. It didn't mean anything.

Five days had passed when Carrillo called and told the three of you to swing by the police station when work started. You all took Steve's car there. You and Steve were in the frontseat, trying to guess at what Carrillo wanted to talk to you all about. Javier was sleeping in the backseat. He'd been out _“gathering intel”_ the night before. You tried not to let it annoy you that apparently he hadn't even gotten any good information from it.

Carrillo was waiting for you in his office. He was sitting behind his desk with his fingertips pressed together, creating an honest to god evil guy finger pyramid. He welcomed you inside and the three of you awkwardly stood in front of him like disobedient schoolchildren as he explained that the terrain around the vacation home in Santa Marta needed to be scouted before an ambush could be set up. You cleared your throat and reminded him that sending either the police or the DEA up there would be bound to raise suspicion and ruin any chance you might have had of a surpise attack. Carrillo nodded.

“Exactly,” he said, “Which is why we're not doing that. Instead we're gonna use the Giraldos.”

“The who now?” Steve asked.

“Emiliano Giraldo and his wife Sophia. The couple that these two befriended at the event, if I'm not mistaken,” Carrillo answered and pointed to you and Javier. Before either of you could confirm nor deny this he went on.”They don't know who you work for.”

“Are you suggesting we're just gonna invite ourselves over to their vacation home?” Javier asked, sounding more than a little sceptical. You could understand him. There was also a nagging sense of worry that began forming in the back of your head. You understood where Carrillo were heading with this and you were pretty sure it was a terrible idea, at least from a personal point of view.

“I'm suggesting that you find a way to invite yourself over there in a way that doesn't raise suspicion,” Carrillo told him.

“Oh, only that?” Javier said, unable to keep the sarcasm from seeping into his voice. Carrillo gave him a blank stare and you quickly stepped in before either of them could continue.

“I'm sure we can come up with something,” you said, looking between the two men. Javier turned to look at you and it was only then that you realized this was the first time Javier had actually looked you straight in the eyes since the events on his couch. You tried not to think too much about what this would mean, going back undercover with Javier, for longer than an evening this time and without the many distractions of a party to use in your favor. Javier seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

“This is nuts. We're DEA, not James Bond.”

“Well, unfortunately for you, you're all we've got. So I suggest you flesh out you cover story and make it believable. And one of you needs to call your hosts.”

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

You had no idea how Javier managed to swing it but half a day later and he stomped into the office with a moody look on his face and declared that the two of you were going to Santa Marta next weekend. Apparently your fake personas were thinking about buying your own home up there and wanted to get a feel for the area first.

“Excellent!” Steve said. You watched Javier drop into his chair and down two shots of whiskey in quick succession and you weren't certain you agreed with Murphy.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“Wow...” you whistled, impressed, as you and Javier drove up to the Giraldos' house, “When they said _vacation home_ I didn't realize it meant a freakin' mansion!”

“These people have money,” Javier supplied. He'd been growing steadily more tense the closer you got to your destination and you wanted to calm him but weren't sure how. In your opinion, the two of you were sufficiently prepared for this, but Javier seemed less certain. You had promised him that this time you would stick by his side, as much as humanly possible without blowing your cover. Surprisingly this had only made him grip the steering-wheel even tighter.

“Cariño. Estaremos bien,” _(Sweetie. We'll be fine)_ you said, switching to spanish. Javier sighed and smiled stiffly as he watched you out of the corner of his eye.

“I know,” he said, “I'm just a little tense.”

“Nah, I think you're just angling for a backrub,” you joked and Javier shook his head with a laugh, some of the tension easing from his shoulders. When he slowed the car to a stop, he turned to look at you more fully.

“Just promise me you'll be careful,” he said, sincerely. You nodded, reassuringly.

“I promise. And you promise me the same, okay?”

“Promise,” he mumbled, before something behind you caught his attention and he raised his hand to wave and smile. “Showtime.”

You turned and spotted Sophia and Emiliano walking towards you. Javier got out of the car and walked around it to help you out. Hugs and pleasantries were exchanged with the host and hostess. They asked how the drive up here had been and Javier complained about the traffic like a pro. No one mentioned yours and Javier's hasty retreat from the charity event the but you caught Sophia watching the two of you a bit extra and so you shifted closer to Javier who, seemingly by reflex, put one of his arms around your shoulders. It felt warm an comforting.

Sophia offered to show you and Javier to your room and as you all walked towards the house she admitted that her brother would be joining in the evening too. Javier nodded politely but you could see the slight tension of his jaw.

“Bueno,” _(Good.)_ you said and gave Javier a pointed look, “Le debemos una disculpa. Será agradable volver a verlo” _(We owe him an apology. It will be nice to see him again.)_

Javier looked at you and you saw the very subtle but unspoken  _“really!?”_ in his eyes before he too turned to Sophia with a sheepish smile. 

“Me puse un poco celoso en la fiesta. Mi esposa lo regañó por eso cuando llegamos a casa.” _(I got a bit jealous at the party. My wife scolded me for it when we got home.)_ he said a little apologetically and Sophia's smile instantly relaxed. 

“Mi hermano también se sintió muy mal por eso. No quiso parecer inapropiado,” _(My brother felt really bad about it too. He didn't mean to seem inappropriate)_ she assured. You weren't entirely convinced those words had come soley from her brother or if Sophia exaggerated a bit. But you appreciated what she was doing.

Sophia led you up the wide stairs the the second floor.

“Tu casa es muy hermosa!” ( _Your house is very beautiful!_ ) you complimented as you looked around and took in the white walls and the luxurious furniture. You had spotted three big pale green and exceptionally comfortable-looking couches when you passed the living-room and the railing of the stairs was carved in a dark wood and so polished it almost looked wet. What you had seen of the house had a modern and luxurious yet bohemic feel to it. If the rest of the house was anything like this, you had been correct in your first assumption that this truly was a mansion.

Sophia thanked you so much and told you about how she and her husband had fallen in love with it the very first time they had seen it. She had apparently begged her husband to buy it and three weeks later she'd been presented with the house for her birthday.

“Una casa? Para tu cumpleaños? Oyes eso, querido?” _(A house? For your brithday? You hear that, darling?)_ you asked, feigning shock, before slapping Javier lightly on his arm and looking at him with a raised eyebrow. He turned to you with an amused smile.

“Si si, lo escucho. Recuerda por qué estamos aquí, mi amor.” _(Yes yes, I hear. Remember why we are here, my love)_ he said with a slight chuckle and leaned in to press a soft kiss to your temple. Your heart did a small somersault in your chest and you blinked at Sophia, who looked delighted.

“Tal vez nos convirtamos en vecinas,” _(Maybe we'll become neighbors)_ she said, sounding hopeful, and you almost felt bad for her. Sophia really seemed like a sweet person and here the two of you were lying straight to her face. You had no choice, you told yourself, but that didn't mean you felt like any less of a shitty person when you held up two crossed fingers so that she would see but not Javier. She laughed and led you to a closed door on the right.

“Está es tu habitación,” _(This is your room)_ she said and opened the door to a room that was close to breathtaking. You heard Javier breathe out an impressed whistle next to you. The room was big, with big windows looking out over the pool in the backyard. There was a cream-colored couch in front of the windows, a dark wodden coffee table, a big plant of some sort that stretched almost to the ceiling and a giant bed that made you realize that you would probably forever resent your bed back home efter having slept in this. There was an ensuite bathroom with marble walls, a big bathtub as well as a shower. As you looked around the room you almost forgot that you and Javier were here on a mission and not on vacation. Not that you and Javier would have gone on vacation together even if it hadn't been a mission.

Sophia looked pleased by your speechlessness. She told you to make yourselves at home and when you felt ready there would be drinks and food out by the pool. You thanked her and promised not to be too long.

Sophia closed the door behind her and Javier waited a couple of seconds to make sure she wasn't coming back before stepping away from you. Your side instantly felt a little too cold. Javier set your bags down by the bed and immediately went about checking the room. There was no reason to suspect it had been bugged but good faith didn't keep you alive very long when you were dealing with the cartel. Even though Sophia and Emiliano technically weren't in the cartel, it was better to be safe than sorry.

You waited in the middle of the room until he was sufficiently certain the room was clear.

“This house is insane,” you commented, in a low voice and Javier nodded. “And this is just the guestroom.” Javier nodded again. The tension was back in his shoulders again.

“What's the matter?” you asked.

“Drinks,” he stated, “I don't want to get drunk.”

“There's a first,” you said, trying to lighten the mood but Javier barely appeared to have heard you so you walked over to him. “Drink as little as you can get away with. And remember, we've got our cover story so I'll be completely sober,” you said and patted your belly. You placed a hand on Javier's arm as a pained expression flashed across his face, “I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.”

Javier looked you straight in the eye and you were almost taken aback by the intensity of his gaze.

“I trust you,” he said solemly, making it sound more like a vow than a statement.

“I trust you too. We do what it takes to get through this weekend and get the information we need. Then we'll have one hell of a celebration with Murphy when we get back, okay?”

Javier nodded again and looked down at the hand still on his arm. Touching for the sake of the mission was one thing but now, when it was just the two of you, you became aware of how close the two of you were standing and it suddenly felt too intimate. You let your hand drop back to your side and took a small step back. Javier nodded again and pursed his lips. Lips which you had kissed. Lips you knew what they tasted like. You quickly looked away and busied yourself with unpacking your suitcase. You had been forced to go shopping earlier in the week to find clothes that would better allow you to blend in and you didn't think that you had ever spent this much money on clothes.

“We should change and join them downstairs,” you said and pulled a navy blue and white dress from the bag and held it up in front of you. It was casual enough for drinks and food, you thought and set it down on the bed. You reached up and began unbuttoning your blouse. You'd only gotten the top two buttons open when you started and jumped as the door to the bathroom slammed shut. You turned and watched the closed door with confusion.

When Javier emerged a couple of minutes later, he had already changed into a white, short-sleeved shirt and a pair of beige pants.

“We look like a pair of sailors,” you commented jokingly as you put on a pair of gaudy gold earrings.

“You look lovely,” Javier said and you were suddenly at a loss for words to say next. Instead you reached for your makeup bag to find and apply your peach-colored lipstick.

“Sorry,“ Javier hastily continued. “I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable...”

“It's okay, Javi,” you assured him. “Thank you.” You and Javier still hadn't talked about what had happened that evening on his couch and sure, that complicated things but it would take more than a simple compliment from Javier to send you running for the hills. If you were 100% honest with yourself there were very few things Javier could do that would actually send you running for the hills. But it was probably best for all involved not to be so honest.

“As long as we're here, we're married.” you continued, “You don't need to apologize for treating me like your wife.”

Javier snorted out a laugh and ran a hand over his face. He looked more troubled than amused.

“This is fucking weird,” he mumbled.

“Tell me about it,” you agreed.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Drinks with the Giraldos downstairs turned out to be a comfortably casual event. Sophia had made an inhumanly high-pitched sound when you had revealed the pretend-reason why you wouldn't be drinking anything alcoholic that evening. Emiliano had congratulated you both and went to fetch a pair of celebratory cigars for him and the father-to-be. Javier had just smiled like an idiot in a way that would have even convinced you, if you hadn't known the truth. It was by far the most ridiculous lie you had told. You and Javier having a baby?! But it served as a valid reason for you to stay completely sober during the weekend.

Sophia inquired if you had started talking about names yet and you tried to deflect the topic by saying it was still so early.

“Lo único que importa es que el bebé esté sano,” _(The only thing that matters is that the baby is healthy)_ Javier said, pulling you closer to him on the couch and placing a hand on your belly, where there was absolutely no baby swimming about. You had decided a long time ago that children probably weren't in the cards for you. But you hoped that the smile which you gave Sophia and Emiliano looked as hopeful as Javier's.

Javier removed his hand and reached for his glass of whiskey but he kept you flush against his side with an arm around your shoulders. You sipped the non-alcoholic drink Sophia had mixed for you and asked her about their children. She explained that they were with their grandparents for the weekend but that they were doing well. She'd spoken to them over the phone after she'd dropped you and Javier off at your room earlier.

Food was served a while later and Sophia had really worked her magic in the kitchen because the food was wonderful! Javier ate like it was the first proper meal he'd had in weeks and, considering his usual diet, it probably was. You and Sophia exchanged amused looks.

“¡Estoy impresionado! Has dejado a mi esposo sin palabras con tu comida. Tienes que darme esta receta más tarde!” _(I'm impressed! You have left my husband speechless with your food. You have to give me this recipe later!)_ you commented with a laugh.

Javier gave you a dirty look but you just smiled and touched his cheek lovingly. That caught him a bit off guard and he froze mid-chew. Emiliano refilled everyone's glasses and laughed too.

“Su cocina hace que mantenerse en forma sea casi imposible.” _(Her cooking makes staying in shape almost impossible)_ he joked and patted himself on the belly.

Javier waved off your jokes at his expense and picked up his glass.

“Un brindis por la cocina de su esposa y muchas gracias por invitarnos a su hogar.” _(A toast to your wife's cooking and a big thanks for inviting us into your home)_ he said with a polite nod in Sophia's direction.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

You helped Sophia clean the table once dinner was finished, despite her protests. You assured her that you didn't mind at all and that it was only nice to get an excuse to move about a bit. Javier seemed comfortable enough with Emiliano and the two of them had been deeply engrossed in a harmless discussion about cigars so you hadn't felt overly worried about leaving him to his own devices.

When you and Sophia re-emerged from the house a little while later, carrying two thin blankets in case anyone got a bit chilly, it was only moments before you heard another car pull up on the other side of the house. Sophia looked at her watch and stated that it was probably her brother. You felt Javier tense up slightly next to you but there was no sign of apprehension on his face as he turned and looked towards the house. You took his hand, just in case and gave it a light squeeze.

Alonso Sebastián appeared around the edge of the house a moment or so later and he raised his hand in a wave. You all stood to greet him. Sophia went over to him for a hug, then she turned to Javier and introduced her brother to him. You got the impression that she wanted to control the situation as much as possible and you couldn't blame her. You wanted to do the exact same thing.

But Javier behaved and held out his hand for a proper greeting, followed by a polite acknowledgement of the last time they had met. Sebastián actually apologized and Javier shook his head.

“Bailar no es un crimen. Yo soy el que debería disculparse.” _(Dancing is not a crime. I am the one that should apologize)_

And just like that, the tension was diffused and everyone seemed to relax. Emiliano poured Alonso a drink too and conversation went back to normal, or at least as normal as it could be in a company that consisted of two undercover DEA agents and one sicario.

It was late when you decided that it was time for you and Javier to retreat back to your room. By this point Javier had a few drinks under his belt and while you weren't all that worried about any severe lapses in judgement you could tell that he was getting a bit more loose-lipped and chatty with the others.

So over the last half a hour you had pretended to slowly grow more and more sleepy and now you were leaning against Javier's shoulder with a tired smile as you pretended to have some difficulties in following along in the conversation. Javier eventually noticed and got the hint. He excused the two of you to your hosts and explained that it was probably time for him to help his wife upstairs before she fell asleep right here. You pretended to protest a little half-heartedly but Javier just laughed softly and leaned in a little too quickly so your foreheads bumped together. Yeah, he was a bit tipsy alright, but you doubted that the rest of your company took any notice since they had drunk just as much, if not more. He grazed your lips with a quick kiss then he pulled back and blinked, as if realizing what he had just done. Your lips tingled from the touch.

“Está bien. Estoy un poco borracho de todos modos. Deberíamos dormir,” _(It's okay. I'm a bit drunk anyway. We should sleep)_ Javier said and stood up. You said goodnight to the others, who assured you that they wouldn't be up much later either, then Javier led you inside. He was like a big radiator next to you in the cool night air and you found yourself moving a little closer to him as you walked.

Javier stumbled slightly on the way up the stairs and you wondered if maybe he was actually a bit more drunk than he had let on downstairs.

Once inside the room, you closed the door and untangled yourself from Javier.

“Agua?” _(Water?)_ you asked and he nodded so you went into the bathroom to fetch him a glass of cold water. As soon as he got the glass, Javier downed it in one go and you had to force yourself to look away from the way his tanned neck stretched as he tipped his head back.

“That went well,” you said in a low voice as Javier set the glass down on the coffee table.

“We didn't get much new information,” Javier said with a shrug but you reminded him that getting information wasn't the main objective of this mission, mapping the area around the house was. That reminder seemed to satisfy Javier.

“Well they seem to like us enough that maybe they'll let us slip away for a walk around the property on our own tomorrow.”

“Let's hope so,” you agreed and turned towards your suitcase to find your nightdress. It was a far cry from the old tanktops you usually wore to bed but apparently appearances had to be kept up even when you slept.

You reached up behind your back, trying to get a hold of the small zipper. You figured Javier would make a repeat performance from earlier and disappear into the bathroom but instead you started a little as his hands found the zipper for you.

“Here,” he said, his voice low and his breath warm against the back of your neck as he brushed your hair to the side. He slowly pulled the zipper down and your skin felt like it was crackling with electricity, ready to zap him if he touched you and yet desperately longing for him to do so. Jesus, maybe you were drunk as well.

But Javier was the perfect gentleman. After a couple of seconds, when it felt like the whole world stood still, he stepped back and the cool air he left in his wake sent a shiver down your spine.

“Thanks,” you whispered and this time it was your turn to flee into the bathroom to change.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

When you emerged, Javier was already under the covers of the bed. He was on his side, facing the windows but rolled over onto his back when he heard the bathroom door open.

“It's a big bed,” he said, when he noticed your slight apprehension. You nodded. He was right. The bed was huge and it would be ridiculous to force one of you to sleep on the short couch just for the sake of some propriety. And Javier was a creature of comfort, regardless of how much he tried to claim otherwise. Denying him access to this monster of a bed would be like kicking a small puppy.

So you walked over to the bed to join him. Javier helpfully held the covers up for you and you noted that while you had opted for a modest sleeping attire Javier was wearing nothing more than a pair of tight black underwear. You quickly got into bed to avoid looking and pulled your side of the covers tight around you.

Javier was on his other side, facing you now.

“I want to take this bed home with me,” he declared seriously and perhaps it was the tension of the situation but you couldn't help but giggle. You rolled over to face him too.

“Let's hope it gets spared in the raid,” you said and bunched the covers up tight under your chin. Javier watched you.

“Are you cold?” he asked.

“A little,” you replied even though you weren't entirely sure if it was the temperature or your nerves making you shiver slightly.

“Turn around,” Javier said and, against all your better judgement, you did. Javier pushed himself up on one arm and began tucking you in. When he was sufficiently happy with the cocoon he'd created for you, he laid down and sidled up against your back. He put one arm around you and despite the layers of fabric between you, you felt the warmth radiating from his torso.

“Is this okay?” he asked, voice so close to your left ear that you could practically feel his lips move against it.

“Yeah, it's okay...thanks.”

“No problem,” he mumbled and you heard him yawn. It wasn't long before his breathing evened out and he was sleeping. The slow rhythm of his breathing soon pulled you under as well.


	7. Chapter 7

When you woke up the next time it was dark outside and you guessed there were still a couple of hours before dawn. Javier were still plastered against your back, even closer now than when you had first fallen asleep, since the covers had somehow migrated down to your waists during the night. His face and mouth were pressed against your shoulder making him snore slightly. His arm was still wrapped around you with his hand splayed possessively across your ribs like he was afraid you might disappear while he slept.

The thought of getting out of his hold did cross your mind. There was no reason for Javier to be this close when it was just the two of you here but it worried you how reluctant you still felt to push him away. Nothing had changed since that evening on the couch. You still had no desire to become just another notch in Javier Peña's bedpost. But having him this close muddled your brain and all your arguments as to why this was a monumentally stupid idea. You needed to breathe air that didn't smell of him.

So you carefully extracted yourself from Javier's arms, slipped out from under the covers and locked yourself in the bathroom. Sitting down on the lid of the toilet, you hid your face in your hands and leaned forwards, elbows resting on your knees.

It was just because he was an attractive man, you told yourself. Anyone's feelings would have gotten a bit mixed up over pretending to be married to a man like Javier Peña. Especially a Javier Peña that was doing his utmost to be charming and loving. It was perfectly normal to have a physical reaction to someone touching you the way he had last night.

You looked down at the wedding ring you'd been forced to put back on again. You couldn't recall if Javier had even bothered to take his off in the time between the missions. You thought he had, but you weren't sure.

You suddenly heard Javier's voice from the other room. He half-whispered your name, sounding confused by the lack of you in the bed. You stood up and unecessarily flushed the toilet and washed your hands before entering the room again. Javier looked barely awake in the darkness and when he reached for you with a low hum, you felt your resolve to keep space between you crumble and you allowed him to pull you back into his embrace again. He wrapped himself around you for a second time and was asleep again within moments.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

The second time you woke up it was your turn to be alone in bed. The sun was shining in though the windows and warming your face and exposed shoulders. You blinked and saw the sillouette of Javier sitting on the couch, reading a magazine. He hadn't noticed you waking up so you took the opportunity to watch him for a minute. He looked calm and relaxed, his bare feet propped up on the coffee table, and he was absentmindedly running his thumb over his lips and mustache as he read. He was wearing yesterday's clothes and you suspected that was for your sake and not because he'd actually gotten ready for the day. Perhaps he thought walking around in just his underwear would be pushing things slightly too far. For your own sanity you were grateful that he'd opted for covering up a bit.

You must have been sound asleep when he woke up and got out of bed. Usually you woke up at the slightest sound or movement but you hadn't noticed a thing when Javier got up. Maybe it was this ridiculous bed. Javier had a point about wanting to bring it home with him. Maybe you should ask Sophia where they had bought it, even though you doubted that you would be able to afford it or fit it into your apartment for that matter.

You wondered what Javier had thought of the sleeping arrangements when he'd woken up. Had he regretted the spooning and what did he make of your lack of protests to it. What did _you_ make of your lack of protests to it?...No, that was not a rabbithole to tumble into right now.

You watched Javier for a few more seconds before you found your own secret staring becoming creepy. So you pretended to yawn and stretch on the bed. Javier looked up from the magazine.

“Morning,” he said a little hesitantly and yep, he'd definitely had some thoughts about the sleeping arrangements. He nervously drummed a finger against the magazine and looked like he was about to say something. Then he cleared his throat and shook his head so subtly it looked more like a twitch. “I was beginning to worry about you,” he said instead.

You raised an eyebrow and sat up in bed, running your hands through your hair to get it out of your face.

“Worry about me? How so?”

“It's ten minutes past nine. During all the time we've known each other I don't think you've ever gotten up this late.”

“How do you know when I get up in the morning?” you questioned.

“Your apartment is right above mine. I hear your shower. Every morning.” he stated matter-of-factly. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“What else have you heard,” you asked and he just shrugged in reply. It could mean anything but you realized that now probably wasn't the time to explore that further. There were more and more things stacking up that you didn't want to examine too closely right now, you realized. Instead you climbed out of bed, picked up Javier's glass of water from the night before and refilled it for yourself. Javier put the magazine back down in the table and stood up as well.

“Do we have a plan for today?” he asked and tossed a quick look out the windows before he walked over to you and took the glass of water from your hand, with a small frown.

“Hey!” you protested, “Get your own water, you lazy man!”

“We are being watched,” Javier murmured and took a sip from the glass before setting it down on the table. He stepped closer to you. “Through the window. They're down by the pool.”

“Who?”

“Emiliano and fucking Sebastián,” Javier grumbled.

You didn't look but figured Javier wouldn't be brave enough to lie about something like that just for the sake of some water. The room, which had previously felt like your sanctuary in all of this, suddenly felt less safe. The big windows were still gorgeous but now they made you feel a bit like a fish in an aquarium. Javier didn't look much happier about the sudden turn of events. He took another step closer to you but his face looked like he'd would have rather have run in the exact opposite direction from you.

“I'm sorry,” he apologized and you were about to ask him for what when he reached up and began sliding the strap of your dress down your shoulder. You stopped him with a fake playful smile. You weren't sure how well the two men by the pool could see your faces but figured you should probably compensate for the slightly pained look on Javier's face.

“You are not undressing me in front of a fucking audience, Peña,” you hissed, slightly panicked, through the smile. You were not gonna put yourself on full display in front of three men.

Javier stared back at you. He looked torn. You could understand him. Undressing you in front of the windows wasn't what either of you wanted and yet you had to do _something._ In this instance, it was Javier who were quicker to come up with an alternative route. He dropped his hand from your shoulder and reached for the hem of his own shirt instead. Your breath caught in your throat as the expanse of tanned skin was exposed when he pulled his shirt off and tossed it onto the couch.

He didn't give you any further opportunities to protest before he pulled you into a tight embrace and pretended to kiss your neck. Your hands landed on his hips as a reflex, to push him away or pull him close you weren't sure. Even though he wasn't actually kissing you, the warmth of his breath still did funny things to your stomach and you were glad he couldn't see your face.

“Take me to bed,” he whispered and my god, when he used that husky voice, you were almost tempted to. Instead you pulled back and held his face in your hands.

“If I'm not gonna let you undress me in front of them I'm sure as hell not gonna let you pretend-screw me in front of them,” you murmured and ran your thumbs along his cheekbones.

“It's out of their line of vision so we don't have to pretend-anything as long as you drag me over there,” Javier assured and his grip on you tightened. There was a slight twinge of annoyance that had creeped into his gaze. He was beginning to worry that your audience would pick up on something being off and you were making things difficult for him by not going along with his plan for diffusing the situation. He said your name and it was a warning. “ _Kiss me_ _and take me to bed._ ”

You clenched your jaw slightly at the tone of his voice. That was the Javier Peña you knew, the one who was so used to get his way that it could be heard in the very tone he used to make requests, whether it was requesting someone to fetch him a file or apparently asking someone to take him to bed.

However, as much as you hated to admit it, in this instance and only in this instance, it was a reasonable demand to make. Almost. And you didn't want to give him any reason to accuse you of not doing your job so before you could think better of it you quickly leaned in and captured his lips in a kiss. He huffed out a breath against your lips before gripping your head with both of his hands and kissing you back with gusto. You pressed closer against him and when he reached down to stroke a hand up the side of your bare thigh, his short nails scraping lightly over your skin, you had to force back the whimper that threatened to slip out between your lips. He tasted slightly of cigarettes and as your tongue slid between his lips, you wondered when the hell he'd had time to smoke already.

The kiss made all your higher brain functions shut down and for a few moments it was all you could do to cling to the man in front of you. It took Javier nudging you slightly backwards for you to remember what you were supposed to be doing.

Hooking two fingers into the belthoops of his pants, you pulled him with you towards the bed. Javier stumbled after, trying his best to keep the kiss going. Only when the back of your legs hit the edge of the bed and you began falling backwards onto it, did your lips part. It was the wiser choice for two people who didn't want their teeth knocked out, but somehow it still felt like a mistake as soon as you broke the kiss.

Javier ended up ontop of you, holding himself up on his elbows. He was watching you closely, panting slightly. His pupils were wide, making his eyes look even darker than their usual brown, and his lips looked plump and shiny from the kiss. You wanted to kiss him again. You would only have to reach up slightly, bridging those last few inches and then his lips would be on yours again. One of his legs was firmly nestled between yours and it took all your willpower not to move, just a little lower. God, what was wrong with you?!

“Well done,” Javier said, and you weren't sure exactly what he was giving you praise for, the kiss or having followed his instructions. You were pretty sure he had enjoyed both if the faint tremble to his voice was anything to go by. This was madness. You put your hands up on his bare chest and pushed lightly. He rolled off you and laid on his side next to you. You made a move to sit up but he quickly put a hand on your stomach and pushed you back down. A tiny stupid spark of hope flared in the pit of your stomach but Javier just shook his head.

“Hey, be a little kind to my reputation here. It hasn't even been a minute,” he said with a nod towards the windows.

You sighed and laid back against the bed. Javier didn't move his hand and you didn't ask him to. It was big and warm and did feel sort of nice. Your heart was still beating a mile a minute after the kiss and the hand on your stomach didn't help lower your pulse at all. Maybe Javier didn't trust you not to bolt unless he physically held you in place with his hand.

“What sort of creeps sit by the pool to watch their guests have sex anyway?” you asked, a little annoyed, and Javier snorted out a laugh, that was more nerve than amusement.

“The creepy kind?” he offered.

You closed your eyes and sighed.

“How long do you think you would last?” you asked a few minutes later. Javier's hand twitched and when you looked over at him, he had a weird expression on his face. It was only then that you realized what you had said.

“No! I-I mean...!” you stuttered.

“Give me a few more minutes,” Javier answered, voice a little strained and both of you refused to look at one another for the remainder of those minutes.

Later, Javier had attempted to apologize to you, before you went downstairs, but before he'd managed to get more than a beginning of a sentence out you had cut him off by repeating the line about doing what it takes to get through the weekend. That had effectively shut down the topic of conversation, for which you were grateful. You could not be trusted with a conversation like that when the bigger part of your thoughts were consumed by how Javier's hands had felt against your skin. Javier shouldn't be the one to apologize for doing his job when you were the one feeling like you'd taken advantage of the situation.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

When the Giraldos got around to serving breakfast it was close to noon and your stomach was rumbling loud enough for Javier to hear and throw you amused glances every time it happened. The conversation was a bit more muted today and judging by the occasional yawns from the other people around the table you suspected that the late end to evening before probably had something to do with it. Javier was making smalltalk with your hosts about their plans for the day and you heard Emiliano offer to show Javier their new boat. Javier's hand was holding yours but today you could feel how he had to force himself to let it remain there. He was perfectly charming and polite, just like yesterday but there was none of the casual touching and stolen glances. You didn't think your hosts noticed but you definitely did. A small part of you missed it.

Alonso was sitting across from you at the table and, instead of Javier's kind gaze, it was his his eyes you felt on you during the bigger part of the breakfast. You had no idea why he was watching you. Did it have something to do with what he had probably seen through the windows of your room this morning. The looks made you uncomfortable but you didn't want to turn and meet his eyes. Instead you pretended to become super invested in Javier's and Emiliano's conversation. Sophia was also watching the two men but she had a slightly dazed look on her face and you suspected that, in her mind, she was somewhere else entirely. You had hoped she would catch on to what her brother was doing and call him out on it, but you had no such luck.

After breakfast it was decided that Javier and Emiliano would go down to the harbor to look at the boat. It was an excellent excuse to take in the surroundings on the way to the ocean but you suspected that Javier had mostly said yes because he actually wanted to get away from you for a bit. You didn't want Javier to leave. You had an uneasy feeling in your stomach at the prospect of being left alone. It was irrational and insisting to come with them would be more suspicious, considering how little you had managed to even fake an interest for the boats.

So you let him go. Alonso disappeared off somewhere on his own and you and Sophia cleaned up the table and retreated back into the house. You talked for a bit and you managed to get her to give up some information about the surrounding area. She told you about her favorite routes for walking and where the children preferred to play when they were here. She spoke as if it was only a matter of time before you and Javier were gonna move here as well and you felt the bad conscience come creeping back in again. In another life, you would have loved to have Sophia as your neighbor. After the strangeness of this morning, you felt comforted by her presence.

It didn't last, though. Sophia declared a little later that she needed to go shopping for dinner that evening and she offered for you to come along. Normally, you would have said yes, but leaving for the store without telling Javier would be way to irresponsible. So you politely declined, asking if perhaps it was okay that you stayed by the pool or took a stroll in the woods around the house instead when she was gone. You didn't say anything but rested one hand on your stomach and Sophia took notice, just as you had hoped. She assured you that it was perfectly fine and that you should treat this house as your own for as long as you were here. If you wanted anything you should help yourself to it. You thanked her and assured that you would help with dinner, as compensation. She just waved you off with a laugh.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

While staying by the pool did sound like the more comfortable option for spending your time, your vacation here had a bigger purpose and you had just been given a golden opportunity to explore your surroundings without raising suspicion. So rather than putting on your bathingsuit, you opted for the workout clothes that you had packed on a whim, mostly to fill out the suitcase.

You decided to go in the opposite direction of the beach, figuring Javier had already scoped part of that bit. You chose the trail which Sophia had described as her favorite for running because of all the lush trees. If you were lucky, they would make excellent cover for your collegues during the raid.

It felt a little surreal to think about, these beautiful surroundings being filled with narcos and police officers in just a few weeks, but thse kind of contrasts were a constant when you worked for the DEA in Colombia.

The running, it turned out, had a calming effect on your nerves as well. The steady footfalls against the soft ground distracted you from the jittery feeling that had been fluttering about in your chest since earlier that morning. You really needed this weekend to be over so things could go back to normal again, both at work and outside of it. You didn't like not being in control of yourself and your emotions and right now they were all over the place.

The trail wound through uneven terrain, lined with threes and bushes but not so dense that it was impossible to move through them. They would make it a whole lot easier to sneak up on the house. You tried to memorize as much of it as you could. Tried to piece it all together with the pictures taken from the air that you'd seen a few days prior.

You rounded another bend in the trail. Suddenly a gunshot exploded out of nowhere and you dropped to the ground.


	8. Chapter 8

The shot rang out and you quickly threw yourself to the ground, feeling the gravel and dirt scrape your palms and bare knees. You hadn't been able to hold back the startled yelp at the shock from the gunshot and quickly pressed thrembling hands over your mouth, tasting blood from the scrapes. The first shot was followed by another two in a quick succession. You had no idea if whomever was shooting was shooting at you or just in close proximity to you. Your pulse was through the roof and a rushing sound in your head was drowning out any subtle sounds that might give you an idea of where the shooter was.

Acting more on instinct than anything you quickly scrambled off the trail and cowered behind a big tree. You pressed your back against the trunk and felt the rough bark through the fabric of your shirt. You had no idea if this spot was facing away from or towards the shooter and your eyes wildly scanned the trees and bushes in front of you. You saw nothing but greens and browns but it did nothing to help calm you down.

You thought of Javier, couldn't help but wonder if you had been found out and were now being taken out, one by one. The thought of him in danger or already dead had your throat constricting to the point were it felt like you couldn't breathe and you forced those mental images away. You weren't dead yet and neither was Javier! You'd kick him in the fucking balls if he left you alone in this!

The anger snapped you back to the present and you cursed the fact that you had no weapons on your body, except for...well your body. But kicks and punches did little damage compared to bullets. Quickly, you scanned the ground around you for something to use as a weapon. Small pebbles, leaves and twigs. Nothing that would be particulary useful in a fight. Unless you got close enough to blind whomever the shooter was with a handful of dirt.

You froze as you heard footsteps on the trail behind you. They stopped and you barely dared to breathe.

“¿Hay alguien aqui?” _(Is anybody here?)_ It was Alonso Sebastián. Fear had your heart in such a tight grip that it was painful. You mentally berated yourself. You had to think! What were your options? You could attempt to tackle him. Depending on how close he was, you might have a shot to knock the gun from his hand before he managed to shoot you. But you might also fail an then it was bye bye. And if you did manage to tackle him, would you be able to take him in a wrestling match? Sebastián wasn't a tiny guy by any means and although you were decent in hand-to-hand combat his size alone would provide an advantage for him. Then there was also the issue of your cover. The pregnant housewife you were playing, definitely wouldn't be able to take Sebastián in a fight so attacking him would blow not only your cover but Javier's as well. And you weren't 100% sure it had been you that Sebastián had been aiming for. In fact, if he had, he would have been able to see you get to your current hiding spot and then why would he give away his own position by calling out for you.

You swallowed past the big lump of fear in your throat and realized that your best bet was the thing that was also the last thing you felt like doing. You picked up some dirt from the ground and steeled yourself.

“Alonso?” you called out. You didn't have to fake the way the fear made your voice tremble. It was deadly silent for a second or two before he said your fake name. You couldn't read his tone of voice but you forced yourself to slowly stand up. You heard his footsteps approach and a moment later he rounded the tree and stood in front of you. The gun was still in his hand and even though it wasn't raised and aimed at you yet, your entire body screamed for you to run. You had your hand of dirt slightly hidden behind you and waited as he let his eyes roam over your being, no doubt taking in the fearful expression and your bloodied knees. You didn't want to be the first to speak. Had no idea what was currently going through his mind.

“¿Te asuste?” _(Did I scare you?)_ he asked and from the way his lips curved just slightly upward you could tell that the idea pleased him. You nodded, not trusting your voice to speak. His smile widened, in a way that was perhaps intended to look comforting but only reminded you of a snake readying itself for a strike, and Sebastián took another step closer. He reached out and slowly brushed a leaf from your collarbone, using the hand still holding the gun. There was no doubt that he knew exactly what he was doing as the movement made the barrel of the gun drag lightly over your jugular. Sebastián tsked in a disapproving manner and shook his head.

“No tienes que tenerme miedo,” _(You don't have to be afraid of me)_ he said and gave you another one of those snake-like smiles. “Mírate. Estas sucio y sangrando. Lo siento.” _(Look at you. You're dirty and bleeding. I'm sorry)_

“Está bien,” _(It's okay)_ you said weakly. Your heart beat so wildly in your chest that you were certain he would be able to hear it. “Solo me sorprendiste. Yo debería...” _(You just startled me. I should...)_

“Dónde está tu marido?” _(Where is your husband?)_ Alonso cut you off before you could excuse yourself to get the hell out of there.

“De vuelta en la casa,” _(Back at the house_ ) you lied. Part of you wished that Javier would have been right here with you but another part was very grateful that at least he was out of harms way. You didn't know exactly where Alonso were going with his line of inquiry but it couldn't be anywhere good.

“Felicidades, por cierto,” _(Congratulations, by the way)_ he said and his gaze lowered to your belly. You felt an urge to cover it with your arms. There wasn't a fake baby in there but you felt your guts were enough to deserve protection, in case he tried something. However you stayed still, didn't want to risk startling Sebastián with any sudden movements. The gun was still dangerously close to your face as Sebastián was resting the hand holding it against the tree trunk next to your head. He was standing way too close and your whole body wanted to recoil from the proximity.

Sebastián held up his hand and nodded slightly to your stomach.

“¿Puedo?” _(May I?)_ he asked. You wanted to scream _NO_ but you found yourself nodding instead and Sebastián reached out and placed his hand low on your stomach, in a way that felt much too intimate. His hand was warm and you couldn't help but compare it to Javier's similar touch earlier that morning. But where Javier's hand was warm and comforting the warmth from Sebastián's hand burned like acid.

Sebastián looked you in the eyes as he pressed the pads of his fingers slightly harder against your stomach and you wanted to spit in his face. He was close enough that you could smell his perfume and it stung your nose.

“Él es un hombre afortunado,” _(He is a lucky man)_ Sebastián said.

“El me cuida bien,” _(He takes good care of me)_ you said, a bit of defiance creeping into your voice to mix with the fear. You were pretty sure Sebastián wasn't gonna shoot you, although pretty sure was nowhere near enough to calm you. He took pleasure in scaring you and there was a stubborn part of you that didn't want to give him the satisfaction. There was also a part of you that wanted slam your head forward and break his nose but that part was clearly suicidal and needed to be kept I check. The barely there shift in tone was all you could allow yourself right now.

It was enough for Sebastián to notice though and his expression instantly soured.

“Me he dado cuenta de que,” _(So I have noticed)_ he answered and pulled his hand away. He took a step back and gave you another once over. “Deberías volver a la casa y limpiarte. Suerte que te encontré después de tu caída y te ayudé” _(You should go back to the house and clean yourself. Lucky that I found you after your fall and helped you)._

The last bit was a clear warning. It was Sebastián dictating just what had taken place here, in case anyone asked. He was still looming over you. You felt the tiny bit of courage you had mustered drain away again and you nodded.

“Gracias por ayudarme,” _(Thank you for helping me)_ you answered to show that you had understood. Sebastián smiled and stroked his thumb over your chin.

“Sangre,” _(Blood)_ he explained before stepping back to allow for you to slip away. Despite being frozen in the spot just a moment ago, it took barely a second for your legs to respond as you willed them to run.

As you left Sebastián behind, you braced yourself for the possibility of a bullet in the back but it never came. It took you half the time to get back to the house again and luckily Sophia hadn't gotten back yet. You weren't sure you would be able to sell Sebastián's cover story in the state you were currently in.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

When you pushed the door open to your bedroom you immediately spotted Javier perched on the edge of the bed, his face in his hands. One of his hands was tightly gripping the satellite phone you had packed in case you needed an emergency extraction. His head snapped up as you entered and his eyes widened when he saw you. He uttered your name like a prayer, dropped the phone and stood up.

“Where have you been?!”

You let the door fall shut behind you and before he could say anything else, you were in his arms. Javier held you like he had last night, tight and like he was afraid you might slip away if he loosened his grip even a fraction. This time you didn't mind. He said your name again and there was an urgency to it which made tears burn hot behind your eyelids. You blinked them away.

Javier stepped back to hold you at arm's length away from himself. His grip on your shoulders was tight enough to hurt.

“I heard gunshots,” he said, eyes raking over your body as if looking for the bullet wounds.

“Sebastián,” you forced yourself to respond despite the fact that it felt like your voice might give up and break on every syllable. Javier's expression darkened and you winced as his grip tightened even further. Javier noticed and immediately loosened his grip.

“Is he...? I'm gonna call Steve. We're getting out of here!”

You grabbed his arm before he could get away from you and you shook your head.

“We're still good,” you croaked and Javier gave you the most disbelieving look he'd given you yet.

“This is not the definition of good,” he argued but stopped and turned back to you again, “You're bleeding.”

You looked down at your knees and hands and Javier was right. It wasn't much and it looked worse than it was because it was mixed with dirt from the ground but he was right.

“I fell,” you explained but it was clear from the way Javier's nostrils flared in anger and his jaw clenched that he didn't believe a word of what you were saying.

“I swear to God, that fucking scum...I'll...” he said, agitated but you cut him off.

“Javier, please,” you begged and your voice trembled. That stopped him for a second time in less than a minute. He dragged a hand across his face.

“You promise we don't need to be getting out of here right this instant?” he asked again, just to make sure, and you nodded. “Then let's get you cleaned up and you can tell me what the hell's just happened?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Javier led you to the bed and asked you to sit down before he went into the bathroom for tweezers, paper and a damp towel. He set it all down on the bed next to you and pulled up one of the chairs for himself.

“Hold out your hands,” he told you as he sat down in front of you and you did what you were told. There were scrapes on both of your palms and you could see dirt and little pieces of rock in the wounds. Javier picked up a pair of tweezers and as gently as he could he began picking the wounds clean. It still stung and you winced. Javier apologized but didn't stop.

You tried holding still as best as you could but it was impossible to stop your hands from shaking. It wasn't even from the pain. Javier noticed and when it made it difficult for him clean the wounds, he used his other hand to cup yours and hold it in place.

“What happened?” he asked. His voice was soft but you realized that not talking wasn't an option. So you cleared your throat and began filling him in on what had happened since he left with Emiliano earlier. Javier listened without saying anything but his brow became more and more furrowed with each word. You told him about the gunshots and how you'd thrown yourself to the ground but you spared him some of the details of what Sebastián had done once he'd found you, partly because it wasn't really something Javier needed to know and partly because you weren't sure you would be able to tell him without showing just how much this whole situation had affected you. When you fell quiet, Javier cleared his throat.

“Did he... did he do something to you?” Javier asked a little hesitantly, because of course he'd picking up on how you breezed past a certain part of your story and now he was probably fearing the worst. You couldn't blame him. You hadn't seen yourself in a mirror yet but with the blood and the dirt on both your hands, knees and mouth you had no trouble imagining what you must look like. Javier glanced up at you when he'd finished the question and his eyes were worried. It made you feel a bit ridiculous. You shook your head.

“No,” you whispered, “Nothing like that. He was just... he just wanted to scare me. But he didn't do anything.”

Javier nodded and returned his attention the scrapes on your right knee.

You felt tears burn behind your eyelids and you didn't understand why. You had been in equally, if not more, dangerous situations with your previous colleagues before and sure you had been scared then but none of those situations had managed to get under your skin in quite the same way as this one. If you closed your eyes you could still vividly picture Sebastián leaning over you and touching your face. You could still smell him and feel the metal of the gun against your neck.

A single tear fell and landed with a small splash on the back of Javier's hand. You wanted to sink through the floor. He was going to think you were weak. Nothing had really happened after all. Apart from the scrapes on your hands and knees, you were fine. The cover wasn't blown and no one was in any more danger than they ad been when you woke up this morning.

Javier paused what he was doing for only a fraction of a second before he continued, as if he hadn't noticed the tear at all. He pulled a small piece of dried grass out from one of the scrapes and wiped the tweezers on a piece of paper. You tried desperately to hold back more tears.

“I pissed myself on a mission once,” Javier suddenly confessed and you blinked in surprise. He didn't look up but continued. “It was an interrogation gone wrong. The guy I was bringing in had backup that I was unaware of. They got the drop on me and when they held me at gunpoint my bladder just gave out. I had trained for scenarios like that so many times...didn't matter. It just happened.”

You wanted to say something comforting but your brain was too sluggish and all you could think to ask was:

“How did you get away?” The idea of Javier with a gun to his head terrified and even though you had the living proof that he'd gotten away sitting in front of you, you still held your breath before he answered.

“I had my partner waiting in the car. He realized something was wrong when I didn't come back out. So he went in to help.”

He set the tools aside and looked up at you.

“Point is, there's nothing embarrassing about being scared. It's what keeps us human while doing this fucking job. You need to cry, you cry. No one is gonna think any less of you for it, okay?”

You nodded shakily and felt your lip begin to tremble and your eyes welling up with tears, as if they had just waited for his permission. You cleared your throat.

“If I need to pee myself, I promise I won't do it in the bed,” you attempted to joke. Javier laughed softly and reached out to wipe a tear from your cheek. It took all your willpower not to lean into the touch. You closed your eyes and blew out a slow breath.

“I might need to cry a little, though,” you confessed. Javier nodded.

“You want me to stay or do you want a moment to yourself?” he asked.

You thought about it.

“I want to take a shower.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure why but I really struggled with writing this chapter so it's a bit chopped up and not as smooth-flowing as I would like it to be. So not super proud of this but it does have some sweet moments so I hope you'll forgive me. As always, a big collective Thank You! to everyone who takes the time to read, give kudos or leave comments. I honestly makes my day seeing what you thought of the chapter and I love you all <3

When you first stepped into the shower you had the intention of combining your little escape with actually cleaning yourself and washing your hair. But when your shaking hands kept slipping on the shampoo bottle, without managing to get it open, and unshed tears burned your eyes you were forced to give up on that particular plan. Instead you settled for resting your forehead against the tiles of the wall, letting the water rush over you. It took no more than five breaths before you began to cry. The sobs made you feel ridiculous and you were immensely grateful that Javier wouldn't be able to hear them over the sound of the shower. You didn't get why you reacted this way. It wasn't like you. Sure, it wasn't like you to have to spend this long being undercover and maybe that was taking its toll but it felt like you should be able to handle this better than what you currently were.

It had been comforting to hear that Javier didn't seem to think any less of you for the way you had reacted. But then again, maybe it was just something he'd said to make you feel better? You quickly pushed that last thought from your mind. It did nothing to make you feel better. Whatever Javier thought of you, you'd make it up to him and prove yourself a worthy partner as soon as you got these damned emotions under control. The shower was already helping with that and warm water of the shower truly did wonders. You could feel your body begin to relax, muscle by muscle the longer you stood under the hot spray. The sobs slowed to a few hiccupped breaths and soon you had those under control as well.

You made a new attempt with the shampoo bottle and this time your hands cooperated.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

When you exited the bathroom, wrapped in a white and fluffy bathrobe you had found hanging in a cupboard, the room was empty. You barely had time to wonder where Javier was when there was a light knock on the door and he reemerged into the room, holding a mug of something steaming.

“Hey,” he said, his tone gentle as if he was worried he might spook you if he spoke too loud or to fast. You were torn between appreciating the consideration and feeling embarrassed that he thought you needed it.

Javier stepped inside and closed the door behind himself. He nodded towards the couch and you moved over to sit before he even had to voice the instruction.

“I hope you don't mind,” Javier continued, sitting down and placing the mug in front of you, “I told Sophia you weren't feeling so well and that you might want to stay in the room for a bit.”

You nodded, settling on feeling grateful rather than embarrassed. Even though the shower had made you feel significantly better, you weren't really feeling up to playing your part with your hosts right now. So a bit more time in your sanctuary was a welcome gift from Javier.

“Thank you,” you mumbled, pulling your hands into the long sleeves of the bathrobe.

“She's a sweet woman, Sophia,” Javier smiled and nudged the mug towards you, “Asked how you were doing and immediately set about making some sort of miracle potion for mothers-to-be. So you've got that to look forward to later but I figured a cup of tea might be more up your alley.”

You looked down at the mug as if it was only now that it registered what its contents were. You picked it up and took a sip, which was just warm enough but not scalding. There was just the right amount of milk and you were a bit surprised that Javier even knew how you liked your tea. You couldn't remember ever having told him.

“Did the shower help?” he asked when you lowered the mug from your lips. He was still watching you with that careful look, as if he wasn't entirely sure if you were gonna start crying again so you gave him a smile which you hoped looked calm and collected.

“It was magical,” you told him and set your mug down on the table again. You pulled your legs up under you on the couch, making sure the bathrobe did its job and covered the bits you didn't want to have put on display. The new sitting-position pulled a little at the skin of your scraped knees and it stung a little bit but you ignored it. Instead you leveled Javier with a sincere gaze “I'm not sure why I reacted so strongly earlier but...thanks for being cool about it. I promise you don't need to worry about me fucking anything up. As soon as I leave this room I'll be good to go.”

Javier watched you for a moment before slowly shaking his head. He said your name, almost fondly.

“I feel like I've said this before but the worry was never about you fucking things up. I know me and Murphy gave you a shitty time before but you've showed us several times over what a skilled agent you are.”

You blushed at the praise from your partner and quickly picked up the mug again to hide your face behind it, in case your cheeks had turned as red as they felt. The smile Javier gave you told you that he saw right through the act. But he apparently also thought you had been tortured enough for one day and changed the subject.

“I got to see their boat,” he told you, “It was like half the size of my apartment.”

“Are you tempted to buy one for yourself?” you asked with a smile. Javier grimaced.

“Definitely not! I'm not a boat guy. The ocean creeps me out,” he said and you chuckled at the way he shuddered at the very idea of him being on a boat. You weren't all that surprised by his admission, though. Javier did seem like the kind of guy who preferred a steady ground under his feet and at least one escape route available, just in case. Being out on the ocean provided neither.

“But speaking of boats,” you said and Javier gave you a quizzical look before you continued, “Did you get anything useful out of your trip down to the beach?”

Javier bit his lip and watched you with a thoughtful expression. You knew he had been trying to steer the conversation away from work, no doubt for your sake, but you wanted to talk about it. More importantly, you didn't want Javier to think you _couldn't_ talk about it. You set your jaw and prepared to argue whatever excuse Javier was going to make for not answering your question. Javier must have noticed the stubborn glint in your eyes because his shoulders slumped and he leaned back against the couch with a nod.

“I did, actually,” he answered and then proceeded to tell you about the trip, both what he'd seen himself and what Emiliano had told him. It seemed that both yours and Javier's little excursions had been fruitful, albeit his with a less sour ending than yours, and as you compared your information you realized that there would be several possible ways to sneak the DEA and the Colombian police force close enough to the house for an ambush. You looked out the window and tried to picture the area swarming with people fighting.

“So...” Javier said slowly after a few moments of silence, “I guess that means we've gotten what we came here for then?”

You nodded in agreement. Both of you watched the mug in your hands in silence. That was it then. Time to go home.

You and Javier had spent the whole weekend more or less in constant company with one another and while you did long for a little bit of privacy and opportunity to relax, there was also a part of you that would feel a bit lonely back at your apartment without anyone to talk to outside of work hours. You wondered how Javier felt about going home, but suspected that he was less ambivalent than you. There had been a varying amount of tension in his shoulders ever since you got here, that you thought had less to do with being stuck in the same house as a sicario and more to do with being stuck here with you. He probably longed for the solitude of his apartment.

Javier cleared his throat, drawing you back from your musings.

“Last night here then, Querida,” he said, slipping back into the act with the affectionate nickname, “How do you want to spend it?”

You shrugged.

“I guess downing half a bottle of whiskey and going to bed at eight is out of the question?” you joked and Javier huffed out a laugh.

“I wouldn't mind but I think Sophia would have a few words to say about the whiskey. She is very invested in your motherhood.”

“She is,” you said and your smile turned a little sad, “Is it just me that feels terrible lying to her?”

Javier thought for a moment.

“We have no choice,” he reasoned. You knew he was right, of course, but still...

“I know but...I don't know...I just can't picture her agreeing with whatever Escobar is doing. And I feel bad for her getting dragged into all of this.”

“I know,” Javier agreed, “Me too.”

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

You finished your tea and while both you and Javier agreed to try and make it an early evening, you also agreed that you couldn't stay holed up in your room for the rest of the day. When Javier suggested that you both should head downstairs to the others, you immediately felt a knot form in your stomach.

“He won't be there,” Javier said softly and you blinked in confusion.

“What?” you asked.

“Sebastián,” Javier clarified, “Sophia told me earlier when I went down to get you tea. Apparently he got called away for _work._ So he won't be there.”

You felt yourself relax again. The worry had been partly for your own sake but also because you had been unsure of how Javier would've handled seeing Sebastián so soon after having had to comfort you. You might hate being the damsel in distress but Javier loved being the knight in shining armor and you didn't trust him to be able to keep his cool if confronted with Sebastián right now.

Javier had his back turned to you and his nose buried in his magazine to allow for you to get dressed without an audience. You opted for a pair of soft, high-waisted, white pants and a yellow blouse. You had slapped a bandaid on each knee to prevent any stains from seeping through the fabric. The scrapes on your hands you couldn't do anything about. If Sophia or her husband asked you supposed you had to go with the story Sebastián had provided for you, as much at the thought irked you.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

When you eventually went downstairs, Sophia was immediately at your side, fussing over you. Maybe it was because the reason for her fussing was fake or because you could claim that your reactions were part of the act but it was much easier to allow yourself to be cared for by her, rather than Javier. She made you drink the concoction Javier had told you about earlier. It wasn't bad, tasted of spices and fruit, but you didn't quite dare to ask what was in it.

Javier hovered close by and even though he wasn't actually touching you, you still felt him standing just behind you as you spoke to Sophia and she laid out the plan for the evening.

There would be dinner of course, Sophia told you. Then she picked something up from the kitchen table and handed it to you with a bright smile. It was a VHS tape. You took it and read the title on the cover. _Tras la esmeralda perdida._

Javier stepped closer and you felt his hands on your waist as he leaned forward to read over your shoulder. His hands felt warm and secure and without even realizing, you leaned back against his chest. You heard him chuckle quietly as he saw what movie you were holding.

“Estamos teniendo una noche de peliculas?” ( _We are having a movie night?_ ) he asked Sophia and she nodded happily and told you that she'd been dying to watch that movie forever. You looked up from the couple swinging from a liana on the front of the VHS and returned Sophia's smile.

“Perfecto,” ( _Perfect_ ) you said.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Your back was pressed against Javier's chest again, though this time you were both lounging on one of the big couches in the living room. Javier was stretched out behind you and you were lying comfortably between his legs with your head resting against his shoulder. One of his hands was drawing slow patterns against the side of your forearm and it made your skin tingle.

Sophia and her husband occupied the other couch in a similar fashion and all four of you were deeply engrossed in the movie. Neither of you had seen it before despite it being a few years old at this point. Sophia had gushed over Michael Douglas in a way that had made you and Javier laugh and Emiliano shower his wife's cheeks with kisses to distract her from any thoughts of the male lead.

Javier laced your fingers together and you, possibly swept along by the affection of the other couple, turned your head back and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. He stilled for a moment but just as you were about turn your attention back to the movie he shifted and turned his own head to press his lips more fully against yours, in a kiss that could only be described as affectionate.

You caught Sophia smiling at you when you parted from the kiss and your cheeks blushed red. Javier pressed another kiss to your temple and you pulled his arm around you more firmly.

It was only later, when the movie was over and you untangled from Javier who blinked sleepily up at you, that you realized that the affection that you had put into that earlier kiss had been 100% your own and not part of any act. The realization wasn't as shocking as it ought to have been but it was tainted with a bit of sadness when you reminded yourself that regardless of how real these feelings were for you, this was, in fact, just all part of an act

You said good night to Emiliano, who was trapped under an already sleeping Sophia, and Javier took your hand as he led you upstairs.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

It was past midnight and you couldn't sleep. Javier was lying on his back with his eyes closed but you could tell from the way that he was breathing that he wasn't asleep yet. It was further proven when you whispered his name, barely audible, and he immediately cracked an eye open to glance at you. He made an inquisitive hum.

You weren't sure how to ask for what you wanted. Weren't even completely sure what it was you wanted. Javier must have sensed the hesitation because he opened his other eye and turned his head to look at you.

“Is something the matter?” he asked and you shook your head.

“No, not really. I just...” you paused, wondering if you were about to cross a line you shouldn't. Javier had been drunk last night. You had no such excuse now. You scoffed a little self-deprecatingly at yourself “We've already established that I'm pathetic today...”

Javier opened his mouth and looked like he was about to protest but you went on.

“Last night. It was nice. Do you think maybe we could...” You couldn't bring yourself to actually ask and finished with a lame “you know.”

Javier's brow furrowed slightly and he hesitated before answering. You understood the hint. He didn't want this. You had been an idiot to ask.

“Forget I asked! I'm sorry,” you hurriedly said, feeling your cheeks flush with shame. You started another rambled apology and Javier had to say your name twice before you stopped to listen.

“I thought we ditched the whole _pathetic_ business earlier?” He asked with a raised eyebrow, which was an impressive feat considering his brow managed to remain just as frowny, despite the gesture.

He said your name again and you got the feeling he was stalling. You were about to start apologizing again, assure him that it really was fine if he didn't want whatever you were asking for. He was right to say no. It was too close. Too intimate a request when there was no one watching and no need to keep up the act. You and Javier had kissed and touched each other several times but you had no right to his body like this. You had turned him down the one time he'd offered and he'd made it very clear since then that the offer was not still standing.

“I-I'm not sure what you're asking of me here,” Javier finally confessed and there was a whirlwind of emotions flashing across his face as he spoke. You couldn't make out any of them in the dark. You opened your mouth to answer but, truth be told, you weren't sure either.

“Me neither,” you confessed back and Javier was as still as a statue as he waited for you to continue, “Maybe...” _Maybe I could take back what I said that evening on the couch? Maybe you could pretend with me, for just a little bit longer?_ “... maybe we could just...hug?”

The childish nature of your request was enough to make you huff out a laugh and it broke some of the tension between the two of you and Javier smiled slightly as well.

“Yeah,” he said, “Yeah, we could do that.”

There was a slight sadness to his tone and it confused you but Javier shifted closer and when he snuck his arms around you and pulled you closer to his chest, the sigh he made was a content one. You put your right arm around him, your left arm comfortably trapped between your bodies. Your head was tucked under his chin and he smelled of safety. You pressed your ear against his chest and thought you could hear the steady thump of his heartbeat there. The closeness instantly had a relaxing effect on you and when Javier squeezed you a little tighter it was your turn to sigh happily.

You had almost drifted completely off to sleep when Javier mumbled something so quiet that you weren't sure you had actually heard him.

“I'm sorry. I never should have left you alone today.”

Soft lips pressed gently against your forehead and you concluded that this was indeed a dream, though the rest of the dreams that night were nowhere as pleasant as this one.


	10. Chapter 10

There was an insistent beeping that was doing its damnedest to wake you from your slumber. However, you were nowhere near ready to get up yet so you turned your head and buried it deeper into the soft and warm pillow under your head. It was only when the pillow moved a moment later and hair tickled your forehead that you realized that the pillow you were currently nuzzling was actually Javier's neck. You froze and, as you were now completely awake, a couple of other things suddenly registered. One; you were more or less draped across Javier's torso like an octopus, with one leg hugging his right thigh and with your knee dangerously close to where your knee had absolutely no business being. And two; Javier's pulse was beating a mile a minute against your nose since your face was still pressed firmly against his neck.

Javier's wrist-watch was still beeping from the nightstand but neither of you moved, although it was abundantly clear that you were both very much awake. You didn't dare to do anything. As soon as you moved you would have to acknowledge this, whatever this was, and you had zero idea what to say. Javier had agreed to a hug last night but this was so far beyond a hug that you could already imagine ambassador Noonan sitting you down in her office to talk about the sexual harassment charges filed against you.

Another beep and another two seconds passed. Then Javier whispered your name, a little hoarsely. It was the signal your body had been waiting for and you flew off him as if you had been fired from a canon. You heard Javier grunt with pain and realized you had managed to knee him in the groin in your desperation to get away. Perched on the very edge of the bed you watched as Javier clenched his jaw and placed both his hands over the bodyparts you had just assaulted. He groaned again and, despite being terrified, your stomach did a flip over watching Javier cupping himself and groaning like that.

“I'm sorry!” you squeaked, voice at least an octave higher than usual, “I'm sorry, it was an accident! Let me...help?”

Javier growled. Not in the sexy kind of way but rather in the kind of way that told you that if you'd had balls of your own they would have been on the receiving end of Javier's foot any second now, as payback. He said your last name, which was always an indicator he was annoyed, and the way he said it made it sound more like a curse word.

“You just kicked me in the balls, exactly how do you intend to help with that?” Javier ground out through clenched teeth.

“I...I don't...” you began. The alarm beeped again and Javier angrily cut you off.

“Just get the fucking alarm!”

You scrambled off the bed and around to his bedside table to grab the watch. The blissful silence after you'd turned the alarm off was interrupted only by Javier's forced slow breathing. You stood completely still next to the bed until the pain seemed to have subsided and Javier opened his eyes to look at you. His gaze was less hostile than you had anticipated but there was still a little bite to his words as he spoke.

“You sure know how to wake a man up in the morning.”

You hesitated only a few moments before speaking.

“Now you see why I'm single?” you attempted to joke. Javier eyed you for a second before snorting out a laugh. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. You took a step back as he threw the duvet to the side, revealing the fact that yet again he had been only wearing his underwear to bed. You stared very intently at a spot on the wall, slightly to the left of his head.

“Yeah, I was beginning to wonder why that was,” Javier said and rubbed his eyes.

You held the watch a little tighter and turned your gaze back to Javier's face again.

“For real, though. I'm sorry. For kneeing you and for...climbing you like a tree in my sleep, apparently. That was so out of line!”

Javier's face twitched a little and he rubbed his hands over his thighs awkwardly.

“It's fine,” he mumbled, “Don't worry about it. I'm pretty sure the roles were reversed during our first night here. So let's say we're even if that makes you feel better about it.”

You weren't sure it did but decided not to press the subject any further.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Breakfast turned out to be a somewhat somber affair. Sophia seemed reluctant to let you go and she kept pulling different kinds of food from the fridge as if she hoped that the appearance of new things to eat would stop you both from leaving. For a while, it did. But there was only room for so much food in a human body and you, at least, were beginning to push those limits.

When Sophia stood up for what seemed like the millionth time, Emiliano put his hand on her arm and guided her back into her chair. He was still wearing his pajamas and looked half asleep as he nursed his second cup of coffee. In a soft voice, he explained that she would have to let the two of you go home at some point, preferably before you were so stuffed that you would throw up in the car. Sophia pursed her lips as if she was about to protest. You understood her. Part of you were sad to leave her too. She had become a friend of sorts and it pained you that this was probably the last time you would see her. Pained you more that she had no idea.

The four of you finished what was left on your plates and in your mugs before you went outside to load the bags into the car and say goodbye.

Hugs and kisses on the cheeks were exchanged between everybody. Javier held your hand like he was afraid you would choose to stay instead of coming with him. Sophia and Emiliano made you promise to come back for another visit and you and Javier smiled and said that hopefully you would have a house of your own here soon and then you'd love to have them over. The lies slipped easily from both you and Javier and you had smiled brightly and waved when you drove away from the house.

As the house got smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror, your smiles dimmed. Neither of you said anything, just watched the road in front of you, deep in thought. Javier drove. You tried sorting your own thoughts from this weekend but it was too much of a daunting task right now.

You had thought you would feel immensely relieved to get away from that house but found that the feelings currently occupying your mind were much more blurred than that. There was relief, sure, but there were also a whole bunch of other feelings and a small part of you wouldn't have minded staying for just a little longer.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

The drive home took all day, you and Javier hardly spoke at all and when you pulled into the garage by your apartments it was already late and dark outside.

You had called Steve when you had an hour or so left to drive and had felt incredibly grateful that he'd managed to pick up from your tone that now was not the time for questions. He'd only stayed on the line long enough to make sure you and Javier were okay before wishing you a good night. You had promised to talk more to him the next day.

When Javier killed the engine of the car the silence was deafening and neither of you moved for a couple of seconds. Then Javier sighed and turned to face you.

“Do you want me to help you with the bags?” he asked with a nod towards the back of the car.

“Yes, please,” you sighed gratefully. Your fake persona had definitely packed more clothes than any human being needed for just a weekend. You hadn't worn even half of them.

Javier nodded and quickly got out of the car to unload the bags. You followed him and picked up the closest one, while he took the other.

“Thank you!” you told him as you carried the luggage up the stairs. “I probably could have managed on my own but after that drive, it feels like my body is frozen in a permanent sitting position.” Javier hummed in agreement.

“Yeah, maybe we should have made a few more stops along the way, after all. But once we left, I was sort of eager to get home.”

“I noticed,” you said and gave him an amused smile, “I'm just grateful the police didn't stop us and that you did let me stop for a pee.”

“I considered the consequences of saying no to the peeing and figured letting you pee outside the car was probably the better option,” Javier said, returning the smile. You laughed.

“How very kind of you!”

The previous tension had eased a little but as you and Javier set the bags down outside of your apartment, it immediately came creeping back again. You watched each other a little awkwardly for a few moments. Then you both started speaking at the exact same time.

“So that was that!” you said at the same time as Javier began his sentence with “Maybe I could...” before abruptly cutting himself off.

“Maybe you could what?” you asked, feeling that stupid spark of hope again. Javier's eyes widened for a moment before he frowned and shook his head.

“Nevermind,” he said quickly, voice a little gruff.

“You sure?” you asked, a little confused by the sudden change in his demeanor. The spark fizzled out and died.

“Yeah, don't worry about it. It was just a work thing. But it can wait. I think you and me both have earned at least a night and a day off.” Javier smiled at you but it looked fake.

“Alright, if you're sure...” you said a little hesitantly, “Good night, Javier.”

“Good night.” He didn't move for another two seconds but then he cleared his throat and raised his hand in a wave before turning and quickly walking down the stairs.

You watched him until he disappeared downstairs then you unlocked your door and dragged the bags inside.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

It was strange being back home. The apartment felt familiar and comfortable but it also felt too big and too empty. You turned the TV on as soon as you'd gotten inside, just to have some noise as you prepared your dinner.

You ate in front of the TV, watching some movie you had zero interest in. You wondered what Javier was doing, had half a mind to call him and ask if he wanted to come up here for a drink. But you knew that would be pushing it and asking for things you had no right asking for again. Javier deserved a break, he had said so himself. A break from work and a break from you. Idly, you twisted the wedding band on your finger. Some distance and time apart would do you good as well. It would give you a chance to get your emotions in check again and get over this highly inconvenient crush you had developed over the weekend.

Resolutely, you pulled the ring off your finger and set it down on the coffee table. It glowed in the light from the TV for the rest of the evening before you finally gave up and went to bed.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

You woke up with a yelp and the sensation of cool gunmetal against your neck. The phantom noise of a gunshot was still ringing faintly in your ears as you stared up at the ceiling, trying to get your panicked breathing under control.

_It was just a nightmare_.

The realization slowly sank in and you threw an arm over your face and laughed harshly. Your heart was beating little a frightened rabbits and your breathing was still labored. Fucking hell! You'd thought you were passed this.

You squeezed your eyes shut but immediately opened them again when the smiling face of Sebastián appeared on the inside of your eyelids. Another five attempts over the next fifteen minutes yielded the exact same results. It was as if your body refused to calm down completely. The breathing and your heartbeats and slowed down to a normal pace but the nightmare continued to loom over you, threatening to reappear as soon as you fell asleep again.

You hit the mattress with your fists and let out a frustrated growl. This was not what you needed right now. You were dead tired and felt like you were on the brink of tears again, most likely due to the aforementioned tiredness.

You wanted to sleep. But most of all, you soon realized, you didn't want to be alone.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Quietly, you padded down the stairs, almost changing your mind with every step but somehow failing to convince yourself to turn back every time. Your neck was still clammy with sweat and even though the tendrils of the nightmare were finally beginning to loosen their grip you still wanted to see Javier. Javier would understand... Or maybe he wouldn't but you were willing to risk him questioning your sanity if it meant you didn't have to be alone right now.

It had felt like a mistake parting with Javier earlier when you had gotten back from the Giraldos. All you had wanted to do was drag him into your apartment and ask him to consider changing his mind about you. Into what, you weren't sure. Into something more. Into something resembling what you had gotten a taste of this weekend.

You stopped outside of Javier's door, hesitating for several seconds before you reached out and pressed the doorbell. You could hear the loud buzz through the door and winced on behalf of Javier, who had probably been sleeping soundly only a moment ago. There was no way the sound of the buzz wouldn't cut through any sleep, regardless of how deep it was.

As you waited for Javier to open the door, you almost managed to convince yourself to go back upstairs another fifty times.

The seconds dragged on and you pressed the doorbell a second time. You would apologize to Javier when he opened. But the seconds kept passing by and Javier still didn't appear in the doorway. Realization slowly began to sink in. There was no way Javier would have been able to sleep through that noise. There was also no way that he wouldn't open if he realized one of his colleagues was ringing the doorbell in the middle of the night. That left only one conclusion. Javier wasn't at home.

You looked down at the watch on your wrist. 4 am. There was only one place where a man like Javier would be at four in the morning if he wasn't in his own bed. And that was in someone else's. You felt something heavy settle in your chest and your lower lip began to tremble before you bit down on it, hard. You were such a fucking idiot. Such. A. Fucking. Idiot.

Falling for your partner on an undercover mission. It was the biggest fucking cliché. Javier had been nothing but professional. He had done just what the mission required and your stupid little heart had fallen for it and begun to hope that maybe some of it was real. You never should have gone along with this mission! It had made you question everything you had thought you'd known about your own professionalism. Javier and Steve had been right to be skeptical of you after all. Clearly, you hadn't been ready for the challenge.

The shame tasted bitter like bile in the back of your throat and the rejection hung like a heavy cloud over your head when you turned and headed back up to your apartment. It felt even emptier and quieter this time around.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an apology for the cruel way I ended last chapter, here's a slightly longer one. I've also gotten a Tumblr quite recently. It's songsformonkeys there too if anyone wants to talk to me over there (Love mee pleease!)

You spent most of the following day wallowing and feeling sorry for yourself.

Sleep had been terrible, the nightmare had turned out to only be the tip of the proverbial iceberg of frozen shit, and when your alarm went off the next morning your eyes felt like they were filled with sand, your head like it was filled with cotton and your heart like someone (read: Javier) had stomped on it. Unintentional, on his part, of course. Javier had no idea about the stupid crush that had flared up over the weekend and was under no obligation to take your feelings into consideration when he chose how he wanted to spend his nights. Unfortunately, that didn't make the thought of him in the arms of someone else any less painful.

A shower and breakfast helped very little with how you were feeling, only adding a slight touch of nausea to the whole ordeal.

You briefly entertained the thought of doing just like Javier had done and find someone else to sleep with. Maybe that would take your mind off your DEA partner and get you on an even keel again? You quickly abandoned that idea, though, when you realized two things. First of all, you had no idea how to even go about finding someone to sleep with you, just like that, and second of all, you really weren't the kind of person to sleep around, which might be a big reason for the lack of knowledge on how to pick someone up. You had slept with people, sure, but most of them had been people you were dating and you couldn't even remember the last one night stand you'd had.

By lunch, you decided that your cruel imagination had been allowed free reins in your mind for long enough and so you picked up the phone and called Carrillo. He picked up after two rings.

“Why are you calling me?” was the first thing he asked after you'd said hi, his tone as friendly as ever. When you weren't quick enough to provide a valid reason for calling he went on “It's your day off.”

You told him that you were fully aware of that but that you really didn't feel like you needed a day off. In fact, you would much rather come in and work. Carillo was silent for a few seconds before simply stating “No.”

You spluttered out a protest, which he ignored.

“You have worked constantly all weekend and you need a break,” he said before continuing, in a tone which you were sure _he_ thought sounded understanding, ”I understand it feels strange being back home but... go read a book, see a movie or go shopping or something.”

“ _Go shopping..._ ” you echoed in a deadpan voice.

“Or whatever you do to relax,” he corrected himself, snapping back to his usual no-nonsense tone of voice. “Just don't show up here or I'll have you thrown out again.”

“You're not my boss, Horacio.”

“No, but I am the boss of the people with the most of the guns. Stay home!” And with that, he hung up the phone and you were left with nothing but the dialing signal. You cursed and hung the phone back on the wall with more force than was technically necessary.

You had taken about three steps away from the phone when suddenly it rang again. You hurried back to answer, hoping that it was Carrillo calling to say that he'd changed his mind.

It wasn't Carrillo. It was Steve.

“Oh, hi?” he said, surprised by your slightly aggressive “Hello!” as you picked up the phone almost before the first ring had ended.

“Were you waiting by the phone?” Steve asked you.

“No,” you explained, “I just got off the phone with Carrillo.”

“Ah,” Steve said, “Did he say anything interesting?”

“He threatened me with guns and told me to go shopping.”

Steve was silent and you had zero problem picturing him blinking and contemplating whether to even ask what you meant. In the end, it seemed he decided it wasn't worth the effort.

“So business as usual then,” he said, “But if you're not too keen on the guns, I might have a better offer. Connie's making lasagna tonight if you want dinner? I've promised her that I won't bombard you with work questions so technically you can still count it as your day off.”

“God, yes!” you exclaimed, barely letting him finish. Steve laughed at the other end of the line.

“I hear you're handling free time about as well as I expected.”

“It's torture,” you agreed. He laughed again and for the first time since you got home, you felt a small but genuine smile tug at your lips.

“Well, do you think you'll survive the torture for a few more hours? I gotta swing by the office for some paperwork but I'll be back again around four so you're welcome over then.”

“I can't promise I'll survive, but I'll try.”

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Four o'clock sharp, Steve opened the door and found you waiting outside, with a bottle of red wine.

“I know you're usually very punctual but this...this is slightly worrying,” he said glancing down at his watch, “Fifteen _seconds_ past four. Please don't tell me you waited out here, counting down the seconds.”

“Fine, I won't tell you,” you said just as Connie called from the kitchen.

“Steve, stop pestering her and let her in!”

“I like your wife already,” you said, pushing the bottle of wine against his chest and stepping inside. You could already tell that this would be just what you needed. Good company and distractions from your thoughts and Javier.

When you entered the kitchen, Connie was chopping tomatoes at a speed that looked downright dangerous. You'd only met Steve's wife briefly a few times in the hallway but based on the stories Steve had told, you knew you were gonna like her. Anyone who could hold their own against the DEA boys was a good person, in your book.

Connie looked up when she spotted you in the doorway and, for a moment, it seemed like she would keep chopping without even looking at the tomato but then, thankfully, she set the knife down and gave you a wide smile.

“Welcome! Finally! I've been buggin' Steve for ages to invite you over,” she said and gave her husband a pointed look.

“Well, I bug him all day at work so I can't blame him for wanting a break,” you joked. Steve just shook his head and walked around you into the kitchen.

“Oh, nice! You brought wine. You really didn't have to, but nice!” Connie said as she saw the bottle in Steve's hand, “Shall we open it right away? Dinner's not gonna be done for a while anyway.”

“Sure, why not!” you smiled.

Steve took out three glasses while Connie got the bottle opened.

“I've heard you're supposed to let it breathe...” she said, almost like a question. Steve snorted out a laugh.

“Neither of us is fancy enough for that,” he said and you agreed.

“Suit yourselves,” Connie said and filled the glasses generously.

“To Steve finally having his friends back at the office so he can stop moping!” Connie said, raising her glass in a toast.

“For fuck's sake, honey,” Steve protested but his tone was affectionate, “I've not been moping. I've been tired because I got stuck with all the paperwork.”

“Well next time I'll gladly switch and you can go play house with Peña and a crazy sicario,” you said, holding out your glass to clink it against Connie's before taking a sip.

“Wait...Sebastián was actually there?” Steve asked, eyes widening. Connie gave him a warning look which he ignored, “Were any of the others there?”

“Steve...” Connie complained, on your behalf, but you shook your head and gave her a reassuring smile.

“It's fine,” you told her, “I know I'm supposed to have a day off but I really don't mind.”

“You sure? We promised no work.”

“Perfectly sure. If I was super particular about my work hours I wouldn't have survived a week at the DEA.”

Connie just shrugged as if you say _suit yourself_ yet again and took another sip from her wineglass.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Steve had plenty of questions about the weekend. Luckily, most of them had to do with the actual mission and what you had found out, and very few of them had anything to do with what it had been like for you and Javier. The only time he asked about it was when you told him about the run-in with Sebastián on the running trail. You spared him most of the details but Steve had still made a low whistle.

“That must have been some scary shit. Why wasn't Javi with you?”

You opened your mouth, wondering how to explain without also telling him about the night before and the way you'd fallen asleep in Javier's arms. You were saved when there was a knock at the door and all three of you automatically turned your heads towards the sound. However, the feeling of relief was short-lived.

“Speak of the devil. That should be Javi,” Steve said and your grip on the wine glass tightened as Steve disappeared from the kitchen to let Javier in. Of course, Javier would have been invited too. You were all neighbors and Javier was, in fact, closer with the Murphys than you were. This shouldn't have come as a surprise and yet it did. You heard Steve and Javier exchange greetings and something clenched tight in your chest just from hearing his voice.

You schooled your features into something which didn't reveal your sudden desire to run as you heard Javier and Steve approach the kitchen. Javier stopped for a second when he saw you standing next to Connie and surprise flashed across his face. Clearly, he hadn't expected you to be here either. Then his mouth curved into a warm smile, which made you want to punch or kiss him, you couldn't quite decide.

“More wine!” Steve declared from behind Javier's shoulder, waving a second wine bottle, “We should invite these two over more often.”

Javier laughed and rounded the kitchen island.

“Hello, Connie! Nice to see you again,” Javier said and gave her cheek a light kiss. Then he turned to you and began leaning closer, in a similar fashion.

“Mi amo...” he began before he caught himself and stopped. For the briefest of moments, he looked panicked. Then he laughed awkwardly and ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry, weekend habits,” he said and, instead of the kiss on the cheek that Connie had received, he reached out and placed a hand on your shoulder, squeezing lightly, “Nice to see you again, though.” You refused to even acknowledge the feeling of disappointment at not getting a kiss.

“You too,” you replied, in a voice that barely sounded like your own. Javier picked up on it but the Murphys were too busy trying to locate a wine glass for Javier to notice anything weird. Javier looked at you a little curiously before Connie interrupted.

“Dinner should be done in five so how about you three go sit down at the table and give me some space to move in here.”

Javier accepted the glass of wine, Steve swiped the bottle of wine from the counter, and the three of you moved into the dining room. You sat down and much to your frustration, Javier hurried around Steve to take the seat next to yours. You clenched your hands on your lap, under the table as Javier smiled at you.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Dinner was nice, even though it hardly served its original purpose of getting your mind off Javier. Instead, it did quite the opposite. Javier seemed happier than usual and you tried, and failed, not to think about why that was. He was back to the casual touching he had displayed during the weekend and even though, this time, it held none of the romantic aspects that the weekend-touches had, it was still way too much touching and it was messing with your brain and your emotions. Every time his foot nudged yours under the table, when he got particularly animated while telling a story, or when he put his hand on your arm, as he mentioned you in whatever he was talking about, you immediately lost your train of thought. And when he leaned in to try and get you on his side in the debate whether or not Steve was the biggest pen thief in the office, he rested his arm on the back of your chair for a full two minutes and the only thing you could focus on was emptying your wineglass and to keep on breathing.

It was relief in its purest form when the four of you finally decided that it was time to call it a night. Everyone was a little tipsy at this point but you and Connie were slightly worse off. You stood up and your foot caught on the edge of the rug. Your movement couldn't even count as stumbling and yet Javier's hands appeared out of nowhere to steady you.

“I'm fine,” you snapped, a little too harshly. Javier immediately let go and held his hands up. He looked at you with a raised eyebrow.

“Of course you are,” he said, in a vaguely patronizing tone, before turning to Steve and Connie to thank them for a great evening. You waited until he was done before also saying goodbye and thanking them.

“See you both at work tomorrow. I'm gonna try and be there at 8, if anyone wants a ride?” Steve said as he ushered you towards the front door.

“I'll take you up on that offer,” you said. If last night was the beginning of a pattern of how little sleep you were gonna get, then not having to drive in the morning would be a most welcome gift. You did hope that the slight buzz you were feeling from the wine would help you sleep, though.

As Steve closed the door behind you, you were left alone with Javier in the hallway. He began walking down the stairs to your floor.

“So, what are you doing now?” he asked but you were a little too focused on making your way down the stairs in a somewhat coordinated fashion and you didn't listen.

“Huh?... What?” you asked as you stepped off the last step of the stairs and walked towards your door. Javier looked at you with an amused smile that made your treacherous body weak in the knees. You weren't as drunk as he seemed to think you were. Really! But unfortunately, you couldn't tell him that he was the biggest reason for you being distracted. That would lead to questions you had zero interest in answering.

“I asked what you're gonna do now? It's not super late...” he said, trailing off. You blinked. There was more than one question there, but in your current state, you couldn't quite figure it out.

“I...I think I'm just gonna sleep,” you replied.

Javier made a half-shrug before crossing his arms over his chest and giving a quick nod.

“Yeah...that's...I mean, yeah, it's a workday tomorrow,” Javier mumbled and took a couple of steps back. He looked awkward and you wondered if you'd said the wrong thing. “Well, good night then. Sweet dreams,” he continued before you could ask.

“You too,” you replied and watched his back as he disappeared down the stairs for a second time in as many nights.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

It was much too late to be up. But it was also much to warm to be able to sleep. After tossing and turning in bed for way too long, you had finally given up and gone to open a window. Usually, you didn't like to sleep with your window open. Part due to paranoia that someone would get in through the window and part due to the noises outside amplifying and making it difficult to sleep for a whole other reason. But tonight, you were willing to risk it.

The cool night air felt wonderful against your face and even though you had only gotten up to open the window, you decided to stay by the window for just a little longer to breathe in the night air. It smelled of a mix of warm tarmac and the sweet scent from the flowers climbing up the front of the building. You closed your eyes but blinked them open again when you heard the front door to the building open.

You immediately recognized the brown, unruly hair and the yellow shirt, when you watched Javier exit the building below you. He stopped to light a cigarette before walking with purposeful steps towards the garage. You stayed perfectly still both hoping that he wouldn't look up and see you and hoping that he would. But Javier didn't stop and didn't look around. The DEA agent part of your brain couldn't help but disapprove of his carelessness and you leaned out the window slightly to look up and down the street to make sure that no one managed to get the jump on Javier.

You were so focused on scanning the area that it took you a little too long to register what you had just witnessed, but as Javier's car took off down the road it suddenly clicked. Javier was taking off in the middle of the night. Again. You didn't need to look at your watch to know that it was too late for most bars to be open. The realization stung and a feeling of jealousy, that you had no right feeling, unfurled in your stomach. You wished it could have been your door that Javier went to knock on in the middle of the night.

You stayed in the window for a few more moments before sighing and going back to bed.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

The next following days turned out to be a continuation of the cruel rollercoaster for your emotions. You and Javier had been designated desk duty to minimize the risk of either of you being recognized as DEA and blowing your cover before the raid on the narcos meetup. Neither of you liked being cooped up in the office all day while Steve and Carrillo got to do all the fun stuff but you could agree that perhaps it was a necessary evil for the next couple of weeks.

When Steve was around, it wasn't so bad. Then, the banter and conversations felt safe and familiar. But as soon as he left, you tensed up. You couldn't help but still be attracted to Javier and without the Murphy-shaped buffer, there was little to distract you from this fact.

Maybe it was due to the boredom or restlessness but, during the hours spent at the office, Javier also seemed to actively seek you out more than usual to talk about nothing in particular or to ask you for help with things you were certain that he already knew. Your work was constantly interrupted by him saying your name or him just sauntering over to your desk to start talking.

After one particularly confusing conversation where Javier had wanted to ask you about a file, and yet had been unable to provide any concrete details on just what this file contained, you had realized that somehow one of Javier's ashtrays had suddenly taken up residence on your desk. You let it stay because it was better having it there than having to constantly brush the fallen ash of your desk after each time Javier dropped by for a visit.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

On Wednesday, Javier brought you lunch. You eyed the white bag and Javier's hopeful expression as he held it out for you. In the background, Steve complained loudly about the lack of lunch for him. Javier flipped him off, refusing to apologize for not buying him anything when he had no idea Steve would be at the office today.

“It's fine,” you said, before their bickering could gain too much momentum, “I have a lunchbox in the fridge that's gonna go bad unless I eat it today so Murphy can have this food and stop being a baby about you not being a mind reader.”

You smiled at Steve before turning back to Javier. His hand was curled a little tighter around the bag and he wasn't smiling.

“If that's what you want,” he said and as he turned to hand over the bag to Steve, you could have sworn he looked disappointed.

“Thanks though,” you said later, stopping at Javier's desk on your way to the kitchen to fetch your lunch, “For thinking of me.”

This time, Javier smiled back and your heart somersaulted in your chest. Damn that fucking dimple!

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

You spent your evenings at home, watching TV until way too late in the evening. Sleep was still a gamble. Either you couldn't sleep at all, too many thoughts rolling around in your head, or you fell asleep only to startle awake a couple of hours later due to a nightmare. The dream was practically the same every night. You dreamt of kissing Javier, of him pressing you up against a wall and letting his hands roam over your body. But when his hands slid under your shirt, the dream always changed. The wall turned into the trunk of a tree and when cold metal pressed against your neck you realized that it wasn't Javier you were kissing but Sebastián. He pulled back, smiling, and before you could push him away the gun went off and you woke up.

Some nights you didn't dare to go back to sleep again, afraid that the nightmare would just repeat itself a second time. Even though you knew none of it was real, your body still reacted as if it were and it was exhausting.

The lack of sleep was beginning to take its toll on you during the day as well. Steve commented on your tired-looking appearance one afternoon and you blamed it on the heat. It wasn't a complete lie. The increased heat in Bogota and the crappy AC of your apartment didn't help you sleep better either. Most nights you were forced to sleep with your window open, despite not liking it. But the cooler night air was a necessity.

The boys didn't seem bothered by the heat in the same way and you couldn't help but wonder if you had drawn the short straw when it came to AC in the apartment.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

When Friday rolled around, Javier suggested that you should all go out for drinks that evening. There was a local bar that the police and DEA usually went to when they wanted to go out and drink. The risk of running into any of Pablo's men there was minimal. Not even the sicarios would be stupid enough to show up at a place crawling with cops. Steve immediately jumped at the idea, declaring that he'd been itching to go out for weeks now.

Javier watched you with an expectant look and it was almost enough to get you to agree. Almost. But you knew that nothing good would come from going out and getting drunk in the company of Javier Peña. So you gave a vague excuse about having other plans and just as Javier looked like he was about to ask about it, your guardian angel showed up in the form of Horacio Carrillo. The colonel snapped his fingers at you and gestured for you to follow.

You gave Javier a fake apologetic look as you stood up and followed Carrillo as he left the room.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

You were still awake when Javier and Steve got back from the bar later that night and you heard them through the window from where you were lying on the couch in the dark. First, it was the sound of the taxi, then the sound of their slightly slurred voices. You heard Javier curse.

“Fuuck, I think I left my sunglasses at the bar,” he complained

“No no no, you didn't,” came Murphy's reply, sounding like he was verbally tripping over all the nos, “You let me borrow them, remember?”

“Oh right,” you heard Javier sigh with a chuckle, “I mean I saw them on your head, that's why I thought I had forgotten them. Didn't even realize they _were_ my sunglasses.”

Murphy laughed, like what Javier had just said was comedic gold.

 _And these, ladies and gentlemen, are two of the agents tasked with taking down Escobar_ , you thought to yourself, just as you heard the two men downstairs trying to remember which one of them actually paid the taxi.

The pondering was followed by silence and you had begun to wonder if they had gotten lost on their way to the front door when Javier spoke up.

“Her window is open,” he said and your attention perked up a little. You glanced over your shoulder at the window in question.

“It's a warm evening,” Steve reasoned.

“What do you think she's doing?” Javier asked, sounding almost a little wistful.

“Sleeping, probably. Her apartment is all dark.”

The two were silent for another few seconds. Then Steve spoke again.

“Javier, don't,” he warned

“What?” Javier questioned, definitely sounding like he'd been caught red-handed with something.

“Don't go up there and disturb her,” Steve answered, ”If she'd wanted to hang out with our drunk asses, she would have come with us to the bar.”

“I don't understand why she didn't,” Javier said, sounding disappointed, “...do you know what _other plans_ she had?”

Steve sighed loud enough for you to hear, clearly not seeing the relevance of this conversation.

“I don't know, man. She's a grown woman. She can do whatever she likes. Now come on! Let's go inside. I reeeally gotta piss and you really gotta sleep.”

You heard the jangle of keys and the front door opening. They continued talking but as soon as the door closed, the sound became too muffled for you to hear what they were saying.

Through the door you heard Steve trek up the stairs, taking two steps at the time, by the sounds of it. You relaxed back against the couch cushions. Part of you almost wished you had gone with them, your evening had been pathetically uneventful, but the other part of you knew that alcohol and Javier would have been too dangerous a combination. While your mind had almost come to terms with the fact that you and Javier were just not gonna happen, and that it was probably even for the best, it was a whole different thing when you had Javier close enough to touch. Then your stupid mind couldn't help itself.

You sighed and were just about to sit up and go to bed when you heard it. Footsteps were making their way up the stairs. They got to your floor and you waited for them to continue up the next flight of stairs. But they didn't. Instead, the sound came closer to your apartment. You held your breath and listened. Was it Javier? If so, what did he want? Or was it someone else? But only the people living in the building could get in through the front door.

You waited, heart beating hopeful and frightened in your chest. You waited for the person outside to knock or somehow make themselves known. But no knock came and after a couple of minutes you heard the footsteps walk back down the stairs again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter has taken forever and a half to write! I've just been distracted by other things and every time I've sat down to write I've just stared at the marker in the word document, mind completely blank. The chapter was originally supposed to be longer but I decided to split it in two just to be able to post something. So this is shorter than usual. I'll try and not keep you hanging for as long before the next one. Please yell at me if I do. I respond surprisingly well to threats.

Your neck felt clammy with sweat and a headache had been steadily growing as the day went on. You had barely slept anything last night, the stupid  _ stupid  _ nightmare making a reappearance not only once but twice during the night. It annoyed you to no end that there was nothing you could do to prevent it. In your sleep, you were completely defenseless and at the mercy of your subconscious...and your subconscious, as it turned out, was a bitch!

You had been in a foul mood all day and after lunch you had spotted people giving you the same beeline as they usually reserved for Javier on his worse days. That didn't improve your mood at all.

Neither did Javier sharing some new information he'd gotten from  _ “a reliable source”.  _ You had your suspicions about who that source might be and hated yourself for feeling like a scorned lover. It was good information as well so really you should be grateful.

Of course, it was difficult to feel grateful for anything when there was a sledgehammer going bananas inside your skull.

With the new information that had surfaced, the three of you (well mostly Steve and Javier) had decided that you'd talk through it over a liquid dinner at Javier's place that evening. You would have tried to get out of it if you thought you could get away with it without it raising suspicion. Steve was already watching you a little too closely for your liking and you'd done your very best to avoid Carrillo's hawkeyes.

So a few hours later, you found yourself sitting cross-legged on the half of Javier's couch that Javier himself wasn't occupying, while Steve lounged in the armchair.

“ We never counted on that many explosives,” Javier said and both you and Steve shook your heads in response. You shifted, moving so you were leaning back against the armrest instead, with your legs half stretched out in front of you, while still making sure there were a few inches of space between your feet and Javier's thigh.

“ If the information checks out then they've got enough dough to take out like two blocks,” you said, trying to suppress a yawn. You were feeling drowsier by the minute but it wasn't particularly late. The glass of whiskey that Javier had offered, had settled nice and warm in your stomach. A little longer then it would be socially acceptable for you to go home.

“ So either they're planning something huge or they've got one hell of a failsafe in case someone should plan on doing just what we're planning to do,” Steve reasoned but Javier shook his head.

“ Nah,” he argued, “The Sicarios might be mindless drones but the Cali cartel is a whole bunch of narcissists. No fucking way they're gonna let themselves get blown up, regardless of how many of us they can take with them. I'm telling you, the explosives are for something else. Vanessa said-”

You felt a stab to your chest and lost focus on what he was saying. It was one thing to suspect something hurtful was going on, a whole other to have it confirmed. You didn't listen to the rest of the sentence, instead sliding a little lower on the couch so your head was resting comfortably against the pillows.

Neither of the boys noticed your eyes drooping shut a couple of minutes later. They were too busy arguing over whatever it was that Vanessa had said. You heard their voices drift further and further away and, with them, the headache also eased.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

You found yourself standing in Javier's hallway. Somewhere a TV was playing but the sounds we're all wrong and sounded like everyone speaking was under water or stuck in a glass jar. You looked around and the hallway stretched on for so long that you couldn't even see the front door.

“ Querida...” The low voice sent shivers of pleasure up your spine and you turned around to find Javier standing a couple of feet from you. As you opened your mouth to apologize for being late - late for what, you didn't know – Javier suddenly stalked over to you, trapping you against the wall. His mouth looked impossibly inviting and so you leaned forward and kissed him. He tasted of everything you needed in that moment and your mouth willingly parted against his lips, deepening the kiss. He pressed close and you clung to him.

“ Necesito tocarte, querida,”  _ (I need to touch you, darling)  _ Javier almost growled and you gasped as his teeth scraped across the soft skin of your neck. He pulled back to look at you, question in his eyes, and you nodded, unable to form words. He leaned in to kiss you again and you moaned into his mouth.

He kissed you like wildfire and you felt like the whole world was tilting on its end. Your back was still against the wall but you felt like you were floating a couple of inches of the floor. But there was no way for you to look down and make sure without breaking the kiss and that was something you had no interest in doing right now. Not when Javier's tongue was in your mouth and his lips moved hungrily against yours.

As Javier's hand slid under the fabric of your shirt, however, something shifted. Javier nipped hard at your lip and it hurt, making you wince. There was suddenly a taste of copper in your mouth and it burned. The fingers on your stomach pressed down too hard and something cold slid up along your neck to rest against the underside of your chin.

“ El es tan suertudo,”  _ (He is so lucky) _ a voice, that was distinctly  _ not _ Javier's, murmured as he broke the kiss. Your eyes widened and fear bloomed in your chest, in an instant. “Necesito tocarte,”  _ (I need to touch you) _ Alonso Sebastián continued, pushing your shirt up even further.

“ No...no no no,” you protested and tried to move away from him, but invisible hands were holding your arms. “Stop!”

Sebastián pulled back and smiled dangerously at you and suddenly you remembered. You'd been here before. You knew what was gonna happen next.

“ Como desées...puta.”  _ (As you wish...whore) _

“ NO!” you screamed and as Sebastián pulled the trigger and everything exploded, your eyes flew open. You woke up from the nightmare, only to find a figure in the dark above you, holding your arms.

“ Get off me!” you screamed, lashing out, and the hands on your arms immediately let you go as Javier scrambled backwards. You heard him swear and you sat bolt upright when it finally clicked that it actually was Javier on the floor next to the couch.

“ Javier!” you exclaimed, surprised. Your heart was still beating a mile a minute after the dream and your voice came out a little higher than intended. Javier blinked up at you from where he was sitting on the floor.

“ What the hell?!” he asked, followed by your name.

“ I'm so sorry, Javier! Are you okay?” you asked, eyes darting around the room. It was much darker now. Steve was nowhere to be seen but the tv was still on and there was a half-empty beer on the coffee table.

“ Yeah, I'm fucking fine!” he said angrily, rubbing his back, “What about you? You were squirming on the bed like you were auditioning for the fucking Exorcist.”

You looked around the room again before your gaze returned to his face. That fucking nightmare. It was one thing to have it in your own apartment when the only one to hear it and deal with the embarrassing aftermath but you didn't want Javier to see this. It had been weeks since the incident in the woods. It made no sense that it was still plaguing you.

Javier's expression suddenly softened and you realized that you had taken too long to answer, had lost the window of opportunity to joke, and not make it a big deal. Javier said your name, like a question, and sat up a little straighter.

“ Do you think I'd get the part in the sequel?” No harm in trying. Unfortunately, Javier didn't fall for it. And even more unfortunately, his brain cells had picked this moment to get themselves in order and cooperate to put two and two together.

“ How long have you been having nightmares?” he asked and there was a sharp intensity in his eyes that made it impossible to look away, even though you had a strong urge to bolt for the door.

“ Since we got back,” you confessed and Javier's eyebrows drew together in a deep frown.

“ Cariño, did something more happen that you didn't tell me about?” he asked. He didn't seem to notice the endearment that had just slipped out but you definitely did and your stomach flipped stupidly.

“ No,” told him but he looked skeptical, which only made you feel even more embarrassed. “I promise, okay. Nothing more happened! There's no goddamn reason for me to be having these dreams and I don't know what's wrong with me!” You buried your face in your hands with a frustrated groan. You heard Javier get up from the floor and the couch dipped a little when he sat down next to you. When he put his hand on your back, you shrugged it off and looked up to level him with a stare.

“ Don't pity me, Peña,” you warned. His jaw clenched the way it did when something annoyed him and he stood up. You instantly missed the warmth of his thigh against yours.

“ Why would I? You clearly don't need it,” he muttered before disappearing into the kitchen. You wondered if that was your cue to leave, but before you could even stand up, Javier came back with a glass of water. He handed it to you wordlessly and you quietly thanked him. Deep down you knew that he'd just tried to be nice but you didn't need another reminder of your weakness.

Javier watched you as you emptied the glass and handed it back to him.

“ More?” he asked and you shook your head.

“ You know...” he began and sat down on the coffee table, twisting the glass in his hands, “You should have told me about the nightmares. I could've...”

“ Could've what?” you asked, eyebrows raising, “Spent the night and held my hand?” You resolutely ignored the part of your brain that perked up at the idea.

Javier smiled a little and stared into the empty glass. Then he looked up with another frown.

“ Wait...you've had these dreams since we got back?” he asked.

“ As previously established, yes,” you said ungrateful for the reminder. Javier looked deep in thought for a moment and his tongue came out to wet his lower lip before the frown cleared from his face and he looked up at you again.

“ Is that what I've been hearing?” he asked. You had no idea what he was talking about and gave him a questioning look. “I've heard you. Through the ceiling. I thought...”

“ You thought what?” you asked, horrified by the apparently non-existent soundproofing between your apartments. Javier scratched his jaw and he looked...embarrassed?

“ I... I thought you were having company over...”

You just stared at him as realization slowly dawned on you.

“ Oh my god, Javier! No!” you protested loudly and stood up from the couch. Javier shrugged in defense.

“ How was I supposed to know? I just heard...noises.”

“ Who would I even bring to my apartment? The only three people I see during the day are you, Steve and Carrillo.”

“ Well Carrillo does have a soft spot for you,” Javier said with a shrug

“ Javier!”

“ I'm joking. Relax.” He rolled his eyes at you while you desperately tried to wipe the image of Carrillo in that context from your mind. You shook your head as if the action would actually help. Javier laughed and stood up. His sudden cheerfulness was a bit of a contrast to the deep frowning he'd done just minutes ago. You glanced around the room and your eyes landed on the clock on the wall. It was late. Way too late.

“ It's after midnight!” you exclaimed. Javier turned to look as well.

“ Yeah,” he said, looking amused, “You got somewhere to be?”

“ Yes, my bed! We have work tomorrow!”

“ We can sleep in,” Javier argued.

“ We really cannot. I promised Steve I'd come with him to meet with one of the informants and knowing him, he's gonna want to get an early start.” You could already picture his cheerful face in the doorway at an ungodly hour tomorrow morning.

Javier shrugged and then he looked over at the couch.

“ Look, if you want...” he started and you knew exactly where he was going with this, and quickly interrupted him before he could finish his sentence.

“ I'm fine!” you assured him, a little too aggressively. You didn't need Javier to babysit you through the night...or maybe you did, but you didn't want him to know about it.

“ I should go home,” you said and backed towards the hallway. Javier followed you and for a moment the image of him pushing you up against the wall invaded your mind. But Javier didn't touch you. Instead, he just hovered close by as you pulled on your shoes.

When you stood up again, Javier opened his mouth to speak but there was only so much of him trying to be kind and gentle with you that you could handle in one night. So before he had time to speak and before you had time to think clearly about the best way to handle the situation, you started forward and wrapped your arms around him. It was only when your chin was firmly rested on his shoulder and his arms came up to wrap around you too that you realized that this probably didn't reassure Javier that something wasn't seriously damaged in your brain.

His arms felt good around you, strong and warm and you were suddenly reminded of how it had felt to fall asleep in this embrace. But even under threats of bodily harm, you would have refused to admit that you lingered.

When Javier whispered your name softly you were again reminded of how strange you were behaving and you pulled back, stepping out of the comfort of his arms.

“ I will see you tomorrow!” you said, voice a little too high in the silent hallway, and before Javier could reply, you slipped through the door and up the stairs to your floor and apartment. 


	13. Chapter 13

You liked Murphy, you really did, but when he showed up at half-past seven the next morning, with a bright smile and an equally bright greeting, you wanted to strangle him. It was too early and you were too tired.

Sensing the lingering rain cloud over your head, Steve dialed down the energy a little bit to a more tolerable level.

“ We can stop on the way to get coffee,” he offered as you stared at your jacket, debating whether or not you should bring it. Steve hadn't told you exactly where you were going so you were a little uncertain about the level of formality that was expected. Then you glanced over at Steve and saw him wearing a red short-sleeved polo shirt and a pair of loose-fitting jeans and decided that the jacket was probably not a requirement.

Steve patiently waited until you had both ordered and drunk half your coffee before filling you in on where you were going. Apparently one of Pablo's henchmen had been paying a visit to one of the brothels close by and if Steve's intel was any good then the henchman in question had been drunk off his ass and running his mouth quite a lot during his stay.

You asked Steve about which brothel, dreading, and already suspecting which one it was. And lo and behold, your suspicions proved correct. You were heading for the last brothel you wanted to visit right now. Not that you were too keen on the others either, but the others had one advantage that the one you were heading for did not. They were not the workplace of the woman Javier had been driving off to meet several times a week since you got back from the undercover mission.

And because Fate wanted to dig the knife into your heart a little deeper and twist, Steve asked you to talk to Vanessa whole he spoke to the two other girls. There was no way for you to say no so you gave him a tight-lipped nod and drank the rest of your coffee so fast that you burned your throat.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

You knocked on the door and it took about half a minute before she opened. The moment she saw it was you, her sultry smile slipped from her face and her expression relaxed into a more neutral, slightly unhappy one. It wasn't an unfriendly look, just the look of someone dropping the act of pretending that you showing up was the best damn highlight of her day.

“ Hello, Vanessa,” you said.

“ Police lady,” she greeted you, her accent heavy. You'd offered to speak Spanish the last time you were here but she had declined, claiming that she liked the practice, “Your gringo colleague told me you would come today. I think I guess why.”

“ You probably could,” you said, nodding, “May I come in.”

“ You may.” She held the door open for you to step into her room. Most of the floor space was taken up by a large bed but pushed up against one wall were two comfortable-looking leather chairs and a small table with a chessboard on it. There was something familiar about the chessboard, but you couldn't quite place it. The peach-colored curtains were pulled closed over the windows. They were thin enough to let through most of the light, just tinted it red. It was a little too warm in the room, despite the fan spinning franticly in the corner. Vanessa was dressed in a thin flowy gown with big, nondescript yellow flowers on it. Her attire was much better suited for the temperature than your button-down white shirt. You'd rolled the sleeves up in the car on the way over but it did little to help with the temperature and you already longed for the fresh air outside.

Vanessa picked up a packet of smokes from the nightstand and sat down on the edge of the bed, crossing her legs before lighting a cigarette. You hovered a little awkwardly inside the door.

Against your will, your eyes were drawn to the bed and you hated your brain for the very vivid imagery it conjured of Vanessa and Javier on there, tangled up in each other, kissing and fucking and... Something must have shown on your face because Vanessa snorted out a humorless laugh and it distracted you from your cruel imagination.

“ I disgust you,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest and jutting her chin out like a challenge. The cigarette glowed between her well-manicured, baby blue nails.

“ What?” you asked, feeling confused before realizing how she'd interpreting your looks, not knowing the true reasoning behind them.

“ No, no, that's not it,” you tried to assure her. Vanessa probably dealt with enough condescending assholes on a daily basis, you didn't need to add yourself to that list. “I'm sorry, I got lost in my mind thinking about something else.”

She regarded you with a skeptical gaze before seeming to decide to give you the benefit of the doubt. She shrugged.

“ Sit! You make me nervous,” she ordered and you obediently sat down in one of the chairs. She held out the pack of cigarettes towards you but you shook your head.

“ No thanks.”

“ _ Buena chica _ , it's a filthy habit,” she said but contradicted her words by taking a long drag from the cigarette in her hand before blowing the smoke towards the ceiling. She waved her other hand at you. “So, I'm guessing you and the gringo boy aren't here for a good time. Which means you want information.”

“ Correct,” you nodded and patted the wallet in your pocket, “And we'll, of course, compensate you for your time and cooperation.”

“ Of course,” Vanessa said, looking unimpressed. As much as you didn't want to admit it, you sort of liked her attitude. She'd been the same way you last came to see her in, what felt like, an eternity ago. Not outright unpleasant or rude but refusing to play along for any forced politeness or social charades. It was refreshing and if she hadn't also been too tangled up in your messy feelings of unrequited love, then you thought you would have been able to better appreciate it.

“ One of Pablo's men was here the day before yesterday,” you said, cutting to the chase. Vanessa, who knew perfectly well why you were here, just nodded to confirm what you had just said.

“ Was it you that he was seeing?” you asked.

“ Me and a couple of other girls,” she replied, scrunching up her nose in dislike, “I wasn't there for the whole thing. Had another man here before so I joined after. Is your colleague talking to the other girls? I suspect they'll know more than me. The men usually run their mouths before the sex, talking and trying to impress. They forget themselves with us whores sometimes, talk about things they shouldn't. By the time I showed up, it wasn't a listening ear he was after.”

You refrained from telling her you were sorry. The impression you'd gotten from Vanessa wasn't that she would be one to appreciate meaningless condolences. She was watching you with a tense look and you cleared your throat.

“ Do you have any idea what it was that he talked to the other girls about?” you asked and it appeared to have been the right response because Vanessa relaxed again and took another drag from her cigarette.

“ Only what the other girls told me after. That he's helping Pablo with some big thing, something that's gonna put the opposition in their place, or something like that. At least that's what he told Celia.”

“ Anything else?” you asked and Vanessa shook her head.

“ I'm sorry,” she said and got up from the bed and walked over to the ashtray on the nightstand to put her cigarette out, “Like I said, I showed up too late to hear much of anything.”

“ It's alright,” you assured her as she sat down on the edge of the bed again. The gown slipped from one of her shoulders, revealing an ugly bruise on her upper arm. You recognized the marks of fingers gripping too tight. Vanessa saw you looking and pulled the gown back up, leveling you with another warning stare.

“ One more thing,” you said, “We know it was one of Pablo's men. Did you recognize who he was?”

Vanessa bit her lip and let out a long breath before answering.

“ _ Sí. _ It was Alonso Sebastián.”

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

He'd been here too. Occupying the same space as you. Breathing the same air that you were breathing now. You felt light-headed, like there suddenly wasn't enough oxygen in the room, and you discreetly gripped your knee for support. But Vanessa was nothing if not perceptive and her eyes narrowed in on your hand and then your face, like a hawk.

“ He got to you, too.” It wasn't a question.

You took a moment before meeting her gaze, and when you did her eyes were a little softer than they had been a moment ago. Coming from her, it didn't irk you the same way it had when it'd come from Javier so you nodded. There was no comparing what Sebastían had done to you to what he'd probably done to Vanessa, but you couldn't deny that he had gotten to you. She was quiet for a couple of seconds before standing up to walk over to open a window.

“ The first times are usually the worst,” she supplied, with her hands on her hips, “Are you going after him?” she continued and you nodded again. “ Good. Then, when you catch him, crush his balls, cut his cock off and feed it to the dogs.”

She smiled at you in a way that told you that, given the opportunity, she absolutely would have done just that. In a strange way, that was sort of comforting.

You had no idea how to reply to the exchange that had just taken place. So to have something to do, you reached over and began arranging the chess pieces on the board. Vanessa scoffed.

“ What is it with you DEA and playing chess?” she asked and you looked up.

“ Huh?”

“ Your other colleague,” she elaborated, “He brought that over weeks ago. Every time he comes over, he wants to play.”

You looked down at the chessboard again and suddenly remembered where you had seen it before and why it had seemed familiar. It was Javier's. You stared down at the piece in your hand as Vanessa went on.

“ It's easy money...not that it wasn't before as well. He's a good man...well for being a man. But I don't like chess all that much and the taaalking...” she rolled her eyes, looking over at you, “From one woman to another...get him a friend to talk to.”

“ What...is something wrong with him?” you asked, frowning. Had you been so occupied with your own exhaustion and your own nightmares that you had completely missed that Javier might be suffering too? Had something happened on the trip that he hadn't told you about? Maybe he'd seen the state you were in after Sebastián and had decided that you couldn't handle hearing more. You felt a confusing mix of hurt and embarrassment that he hadn't told you, with a slight pinch of affection for his consideration.

Vanessa just laughed at your obvious worry.

“ Only the worst thing that can happen to a man...loving someone who doesn't love him back. He's...what do you call it? Pining? And he comes here to talk about it. And play chess. I say, I'm not his stupid therapist, okay?” She rolled her eyes again but then she sighed, “But I still tell him, because I'm a saint and he's hopeless. I tell him he can't just do the filthy stuff if he wants to keep her. He gotta do the nice stuff. The asking to spend time with her, getting her food, touching without being creepy...”

She counted the different suggestions on her fingers and for every blue nail that shot up, mental images flashed through your mind of Javier doing just these things over the past few weeks. Your mouth fell open as you listened. You feel lightheaded again. It was becoming a reoccurring thing these days and maybe you should see a doctor about that soon. Was Vanessa right? Had Javier gone to a prostitute several times over the past two weeks to ask for relationship advice? It was such a Javier thing to do that you almost joined Vanessa when she suddenly started laughing.

“ _ Oh...” _ she said, laughing like she'd just won the comedic jackpot. “But of course. It's you!”

You opened your mouth to reply but nothing coherent came out and thankfully, you were saved from any further embarrassment as there was a knock on the door and Steve stuck his head inside. He looked just as sweaty as you felt and there was a grim expression on his face.

“ I'm driving one of the girls to the hospital. Will you be alright getting back by yourself?”

Vanessa's smile slipped from her face and she pulled the gown closer around herself again. You looked between her and Steve and nodded.

“ Yeah, of course. Is the girl alright?” you asked and you could practically feel Vanessa holding her breath next to you. Steve nodded.

“ She's...okay just...better safe than sorry. Don't worry,” he said turning to Vanessa and then back to you again. “Call one of the guys at the office. They'll come pick you up. I'll talk to you later.”

And with that, he disappeared from the room again.

“ Do not worry,” Vanessa echoed Steve in a slightly mocking tone of voice. You turned to face her.

“ I know. But knowing him, he probably really just wants to make sure. His wife is a nurse.”

Vanessa nodded. You stayed for a little longer to talk to her but, time and again, tried and failed to think of something smart to say. So after a while, you stood up from the chair and pulled out your wallet.

“ I should make my way back and let you go talk to the others. If you need to call, you have my number from before. Thank you for your help, Vanessa.” You handed her the standard informant's fee. “Do you think I could borrow the phone and call for a ride?”

She nodded again and accepted the cash.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

You asked for a ride back to the apartment, rather than to the office, and luckily it was one of the officers you didn't know all that well who came to pick you up, so the small-talk could be kept to a minimum. You had too many thoughts swirling around in your head to be able to focus on anything.

If what Vanessa had told you was true, then Javier had been trying to woo you for the past weeks since you got back from the Giraldos. Javier.  _ Wooing you _ . Looking back at all the gestures, with this new information in mind, you could sort of see it. You might have seen it earlier, though, if Javier hadn't backed off or given up or turned grumpy at the slightest deviation from his plan.

You thanked your colleague for the ride outside the apartments and, before you could think better of it, you stomped up to Javier's front door. You knocked hard on the door, finding the action more satisfying than just pressing the doorbell. When Javier took longer than twenty seconds to open the door, you knocked again.

“ Calm the fuck down,” you heard him call from somewhere inside the apartment. Then he opened the door, holding a plate of empanadas.

You walked inside, closing the door behind you.

“ Put those down,” you told him. He looked confused and skeptical by the whole thing but did as he was told and reached up to put the plate on the hat rack, which was the closest flat surface.

“ What's going o-” That was as far as you let him speak before you gripped his face and pulled him in for a kiss. He jumped slightly and made a surprised noise as you pressed your mouth to his. His lips parted easily against yours but when your tongue nudged them apart further to slip into his mouth, Javier suddenly pulled back.

“ What are you doing?” he asked, a hopeful note to his voice. His hands were running up and down your arms in an almost nervous fashion.

“ Well, I was trying to kiss you,” you answered, “And I'd like to continue, if you'd let me?”

Javier watched you and you could see that he still had questions, you couldn't really blame him. His hands were still fluttering along your arms. But then he must have decided that to hell with whatever doubts and questions he had because his hands suddenly found purchase and when he yanked you close, it was your turn to make a surprised noise. Any lingering sounds were, however, quickly lapped up by Javier as he licked into your mouth, and you wrapped your arms around his neck to hold him even tighter against you. He tasted of empanadas and you chased more of the flavor with your tongue.

One of his arms wound its way around your waist so that his hand rested on the small of your back. The two of you had kissed before but there was a different kind of urgency to Javier's kissing now. It was no longer the urgency of selling an act and being believed, but the urgency of making the most of it before it would end. You tried to slow him down, there was a whole afternoon and night and maybe more for doing this, but, instead of just slowing down, Javier completely stopped and dropped you like you were on fire. You stumbled a little at the sudden change of demeanor.

“ Fuck!” he said, and rubbed a hand over his face. Your heart had time to drop all the way down to your kneecaps before he continued. “I'm sorry! I'm fucking this up but you're sending really mixed signals here!”

“ Javier...” you said, trying to calm him down. You waited until his aggressive breathing had slowed down and his gaze landed on you before speaking again. “I spoke to Vanessa today. She told me about your talks.”

“ W-what?” Javier asks and the shift into a nervous facial expression was so out of character for Javier Peña that it made you want to laugh. But you held back.

“ She told me you wanted this. That you wanted me,” you said, feeling your stomach tie itself into worried knots. This was it. Javier's eyes were wide but he didn't say anything. If  _ I can neither confirm nor deny, but I am totally guilty  _ had a designated facial expression, it was the one Javier was currently sporting. You took a deep breath.

“ I remember what I said last time but you know...Fuck it?”

Javier's expression softened but just as you reached out to touch his hand, the expression suddenly hardened again and morphed into the patented Peña frown.

“ No,” he said, “Not good enough.”

You spluttered, “Sorry? What?”

“ Whatever the fuck kind of explanation that was.  _ I remember what I said last time but fuck it? _ Not good enough. Vanessa told you about me. What do you want?”

“ Come on, Javier,” you argued, stepping a little closer, “I just came in here and kissed you. You know what I want.”

Javier stared at you, but instead of letting you off the hook, he crossed his arms over his chest and raised his eyebrows at you to go on. You couldn't believe him. He'd been pining for weeks, according to Vanessa, and here you were, offering it all up and he suddenly decided that he wanted some sort of verbal confession? Then you remembered that Javier Peña was the most infuriating man on this planet, so of course he would.

“ I asked you the last night before we left the Giraldos but you dodged the question then,” Javier said and you immediately knew which question he was talking about. You had indeed dodged that question and had settled for asking for a hug, which left a whole lot of things out that you wanted from him. Apparently, Javier had picked up on that too. “So I'm asking you again: What do you want?” You hesitated only a moment before replying.

“ I want to kiss you. Every time I see you, I want to kiss your stupid face. And I want to spend the night here, or you at my place. Either is fine but I don't sleep right without you. And I remember that I said it was a bad idea to sleep with a co-worker, and it probably still is, but we do so much stupid shit that maybe it'd be okay to be a little extra stupid?”

Javier's mouth curved into a smile. It wasn't one of those smug smirks or one of the self-deprecating smiles, but one of the rare happy and relaxed smiles. You felt yourself get a little weak in the knees at the sight of it.

“ Good enough?” you asked, and hoped to higher powers that he'd say yes. There was no way you were writing him a sonnet or a serenade. Javier nodded.

“ Good enough,” he told you and stepped forward to kiss you again. This time his right hand came up to cradle the side of your face while the other found its previous spot on the small of your back.

You nipped lightly at his lower lip and you felt him smile even wider against your mouth, as if he knew exactly what you were punishing him for. He murmured something against your lips in Spanish, you didn't hear exactly what but could tell from his tone of voice that it was some kind of endearment.

The phone rang and you both jumped before deciding to ignore it. Javier backed you both into the living room and you almost tripped getting down the few stairs and over to the couch. The phone stopped ringing sometime between when Javier kissed your neck and when his hand untucked your shirt and slid under the fabric to cup your breast. You were on top of him, awkwardly straddling one thigh while he was stretched out on his back. His kisses kept you grounded.

You were reaching for his belt buckle when suddenly someone pounded on the door loudly, yelling:

“ PEÑA! OPEN UP!”

You knew that voice and had just enough time to push Javier's hand out from under your shirt, jump off the couch, and pull him to his feet before Murphy pushed the door open and barreled in.

“ Javi!” he called, then stopped for a moment when he saw you both in the living room, “Oh good! You're here too. It's happening! The meeting. Carrillo wants us at the station as soon as possible. We're leaving...preferably yesterday, if Carrillo can manage to sort out time traveling in the next hour. So get changed, grab whatever you need and I'll meet you outside.”

Neither of you had time to process what he'd just said, let alone respond, before he turned on his heel and headed towards the door again. Then he stopped, turned back, and waved a finger in warning.

“ And I know that look. Whatever you are arguing about, sort it out, or it's gonna be a looonnng ass trip there.”

The door slammed shut and you and Javier turned to look at each other and just blinked, a little slow to take in what had just happened. It was completely silent for a couple of seconds before you heard the door creak as it slowly opened again and Steve's head reappeared. He looked from you to Javier, then back to you again.

“ Noo way...” he said slowly, eyes wide as realization dawned. Neither you nor Javier said anything but it seemed that was confirmation enough because Steve waved his fist at you both.

“ I fucking knew it!” he grinned. “But I mean it, Carrillo will murder us if we don't hurry to the station. So funny business before we leave!”

And with that, he disappeared out the door, for real this time.

You turned towards Javier for a second time.

“I fucking hate the narcos,” he said, shaking his head. You laughed and stepped closer to press a quick kiss to his lips. You both lingered before pulling back.

“Later,” you promised him and he nodded in agreement.

“Yeah. Later.”


	14. Chapter 14

The sound of the helicopter was too loud, and you were all sitting too cramped together in the body of the chopper to make any kind of private conversation possible. You were seated next to Javier and it felt almost cruel to have him this close without being able to touch or kiss him. Steve and Carrillo sat opposite you, going over the maps that had been drawn up after your and Javier's visit to Santa Martha. Every now and then, you snuck glances over at Javier and every time you did, you saw a slight twitch of his mouth – the smallest hint of a smile- under the mustache. You were heading for Santa Martha and you knew you should be excited over the fact that this ambush was finally happening but all you could think about right now was how you wanted Javier spread out and naked on a bed. It was distracting, to say the least.

_ Later,  _ you had promised each other and you clung to that promise to stay somewhat sane.

Steve gestured at something on the map and Javier leaned forward to look. He shifted in his seat and suddenly his thigh was pressing warm and firm against yours. You couldn’t say for certain but you were pretty sure it had been intentional, not that you were in any way complaining. Maybe you weren't the only one imagining nights spent together.

The four of you talked and went over the plan, which had been weeks and months in the making. You all knew it by heart by now - had just waited for the right date to set it in motion - but there was still a sense of ritual and preparation in going over where everyone was going to be positioned and from what directions you would approach the house. You and Javier, being the only ones who had been in the area before, would each lead a group of men towards the villa. Steve would be coming with you, approaching from the woods, while Javier and Carrillo and their men would approach from the beach. Out of some sense of loyalty towards your former hosts, you had made it clear that the owners of the house, The Giraldos, were not to be harmed in the raid. Carrillo had reminded you what was the main objective but you had been adamant that Sophia and Emiliano had to be protected. Steve and Javier had sided with you.

You looked outside. The sky was clear. You wouldn't arrive at the house until after nightfall so hopefully, there would be enough moonlight to light your way in the dark. Glancing down at your watch you realized that it would be another couple of hours before you landed. You turned towards the others.

“ Guys!” you called, “I'm gonna try and get some shut-eye before we get to Santa Martha. Wake me up at your own risk.”

You saw, rather than heard, the others chuckle and Javier rolled up his jacket and handed it to you to use as a makeshift pillow. After a small struggle and shuffling around, you managed to find a way to prop your head up and you closed your eyes. You could smell Javier on his jacket and his leg was still pressed against yours. It provided just the kind of comfort you needed to relax.

By this time tomorrow, you might have captured Pablo Escobar. You didn't dare to think too closely about it, not because you were overly superstitious and afraid to jinx it but because thinking about it had your adrenaline pumping, which was highly counterproductive for someone trying to sleep.

Slowly but surely you drifted off to sleep under the  _ chopchopchop  _ of the rotor blades.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

You came to, with Javier gently shaking your shoulder.

“ Hey,” you smiled, too softly, before you remembered where you were and quickly looked around. The helicopter was empty.

“ We've landed,” Javier explained, unnecessarily. You’d already reached that conclusion on your own.

You stretched your neck a bit and adjusted the bulletproof vest that had slid up an inch or two too high as you slept. Fiddling with the velcro straps, you suddenly felt two fingers under your chin, tilting your head up to look at Javier again. He leaned in to brush his lips across yours in a soft kiss.

“ Sitting next to you this entire flight and not being able to touch you...” he murmured, kissing you again.

“ I know,” you agreed, resting your forehead against his. He caressed your cheek and kissed you one last time before pulling back.

“ You think we'll have time for a quicky in our old bed?” he asked with a wink. You slapped his vest-clad chest lightly but smiled at him referring to the bed as  _ our old bed.  _ You supposed, in a way, it was.

“ I think we might be otherwise occupied,” you said and faked a pout, “But later, okay?”

“ Later,” he promised again, “I’ll hold you to it.” He squeezed your thigh before stepping out of the helicopter. You followed him and walked over to where the others were standing.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

You were walking quietly between the trees, gun held firmly in your hand as you scanned the woods in front of you. The helicopters had landed quite a distance from the house, out of fear that the sound would raise suspicions with the narcos. There had been cars waiting when you landed, ready to take you even closer to the house but, same as with the helicopter, you hadn't dared to drive too close to your destination.

So, the rest of the way, you would be walking.

Steve was walking next to you, gun half-raised in a similar pose to your own. What little you could see of his face, in the dark, looked tense. You wanted to say something to him to make him relax. At the same time, you knew that being tense was probably a wiser choice in this situation. You were all walking straight into the lions' den, hoping for the best. Looking around, you realized that there would be a great risk that not all of you would make it back. You looked over at Steve...and quickly reeled that thought back in before it could get hold.  _ Focus on here and now,  _ you told yourself, taking a deep breath. You could smell the trees and, faintly, the smell of the sea. Could hear the soft and almost inaudible crunch of everyone's footfalls against the ground. The gun felt sturdy in your hand and the weight of the tac vest over your dark green shirt was comforting.

You thought about how every step you took, brought you just a little closer to Javier, and resolutely ignored what still laid in between you.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

It all went according to plan...until it didn't.

You and your half of the group had made it almost all the way to the house without any incidents when suddenly you heard gunshots. Not one or two, but a whole salvo of them. It seemed the others had advanced just slightly quicker than you.

Both you and Steve cursed at the same time and, without anyone having to give the order, you all took off running towards the house.

Adrenaline immediately spiked and you had never felt so light while running. Thankfully, you had been just a minute or so away from the house because the gunshots were soon accompanied by screaming and shouting. There was no time to think too closely about which side they belonged to.

As the house came into view, you immediately spotted a man up on the balcony, firing off bullets in every direction. You stopped, as the others continued past you, raised the gun and took aim. He dropped out of sight a second later, as you squeezed the trigger. The explosion of sound from the shot and the recoil of the gun in your hand snapped you further into the right mindset. Now was the time to act and not think too much. There would be time for thinking and possible regret later. Now, the main objective was finding Pablo and keeping as many on your side as possible safe and out of harm’s way.

You took out another man on the balcony before you continued running towards the house.

It was pure chaos, inside and around the house. The sounds of the guns and the shouts were deafening. People were running around, seemingly without a clear destination, and there was a body floating face down in the pool, slowly staining the water red. Neither Javier nor Steve were anywhere to be seen but you didn't have time to worry about them now. More and more of the narcos were retreating inside the house and disappearing off into the woods. You couldn't help but wonder if Pablo was somewhere in their midst.

You ran after a man in a brightly colored shirt and as you rounded a corner of the house you were suddenly met with another familiar figure.

The sound of her screams reached your ears before you registered what you were seeing. Sophia was kneeling on the ground, bent over the body of her husband, the chest of his shirt stained red with blood and his face expressionless. You stopped in your tracks and felt your stomach drop.  _ No. Nonono.  _ You had told them!  _ Told them _ that Sophia and Emiliano shouldn't be harmed.

You took a couple of staggering steps towards them. Sophia must have noticed because she looked up and when her eyes met yours, relief washed over her face but was instantly replaced by confusion as she took in your bulletproof vest and the gun in your hand.

Just as you were about to open your mouth to say something, Carrillo came barrelling around the corner. He grabbed your arm as he ran past you and yelled at you to  _ get the fuck behind cover _ as he dragged you away. The last thing you saw before you turned and ran were the two Sicarios that came running after Carrillo, and the hurt and betrayal in Sophia's eyes.

“ YOU SAID THEY WOULDN'T BE HARMED!” you screamed at Carrillo as you ran, ducking as someone behind you fired a shot.

“ NOT NOW!” Carrillo barked, and while he had a point, part of you wanted to ignore that. Part of you...most of you, if you were being honest, wanted to turn and go back to Sophia and make sure she got out of here. This was not her fight and you did not want her to become collateral damage in this war.

“ FUCK YOU, HORACIO!” you screamed. A second later, Carrillo's hands hit your chest as he shoved you away from himself. A bullet whizzed past where you had been standing a moment ago and hit a tree instead of you. Quickly finding your footing again, you turned and fired a bullet straight to the chest of one of the men following you. Carrillo shot the other man. Then he stepped over to you, eyes darting around as he provided cover while you reloaded.

“ I told them not to harm the Giraldos,” Carrillo said calmly. He was breathing a little heavier than usual but other than that, he seemed almost unphased by everything that was going on around you. You didn't think he would lie to you, but still felt hurt on behalf of Sophia.

“ I'm heading inside. You stay out here and cover that door,” Carrillo continued and pointed to a side door that you remembered led to the kitchen. He started running towards it.

“ Have we found him?” you called after him.

“ Not yet!” he shouted back before disappearing inside.

You looked around, spotting a shed off to the edge of the garden. That would provide cover for you while you, in turn, provided cover for the door. So you ran over to it.

You crouched down next to the outbuilding but quickly realized your rookie mistake of not properly scouting the area around the shed when, a minute or so later, you felt a hand grab the back of your tac vest and yank you backwards. You lost your footing but before you had time to twist and shoot whoever had grabbed you, that person grabbed your arm and twisted it out of his way before manhandling you up against the wall of the shed. The vest took most of the blow but you still grimaced as the back of your head thudded against the wall.

You looked up at your captor and fear suddenly spread like ice through your veins as you found yourself face to face with Alonso Sebastián. His face was twisted into a cruel smile.

“ Debería haber sabido...”  _ (I should have known...) _ he said, shaking his head as his eyes roamed over you. You were paralyzed, unable to speak or answer in any way as his hand squeezed your wrist tighter and the other hand gripped your chin tight. “Puta de la policía.”  _ (Police whore) _

This was your nightmare all over again, except this time when he killed you, you wouldn't wake up in a cold sweat back in your bed. This time, when he shot you, you wouldn't wake up at all.

Sebastián was standing so close that you could feel his hot breath against your lips. It smelled of liquor and something sweet that you couldn't place. You waited for the feel of the gun against your neck and for the explosion of a shot. You weren't ready to die but what choice did you have. But Sebastián just watched you.

“ ¿Qué pasa? ¿Te asusto?” ( _ What's the matter? Do I scare you?)  _ he asked, and there it was in his eyes again, just as it had been the last time. He wanted you to be scared of him. He  _ wanted  _ to hear the quiver of your voice and see the fear in your eyes. As his tongue darted out to wet his lips, something shifted in you and a stubborn creature stirred in your chest. If he was gonna kill you anyway, you wouldn't give him the satisfaction of showing him you were afraid.

“ Mantengo la boca cerrada porque tu aliento apesta,”  _ (I am keeping my mouth shut because your breath stinks)  _ you hissed out through the grip he still had around your chin.

His eyes darkened and his fingers pressed harder into your skin in a way that would leave bruises that you probably wouldn't be around to feel later. You surprised yourself with how calm you felt about that. Logically, of course, you didn't want to die! But it was as if your mind had shut down any connection between fear and those thoughts and at the moment it was your stubborn streak that was running this show.

And your stubborn streak was pissed!

“ Hablé con las chicas que visitaste en el burdel,”  _ (I spoke to the girls you visited at the brothel)  _ you continued. “Ellas no estaban muy impresionadas,”  _ (They weren't very impressed).  _ You lifted your free hand and wiggled your little finger at him.

Quick as a cobra, he struck, letting go of your face and grabbing your finger. You felt the bone snap as he twisted it backwards. You had been prepared for it but still couldn't hold back the scream. But as you howled with pain, you still seized the opportunity that presented itself when he was no longer holding your head in place. You had wanted to do this the last time you had met in the woods, but back then you had been too afraid of the consequences. Now, you had nothing to lose and so you slammed your head forward, your forehead connecting with the bridge of his nose. The pain blinded you for a moment but you heard him scream and he took a staggering step back before looking back at you with hate in his eyes. It was only when he lunged forward, reaching for his belt, that you realized that both your hands were now free.

Swinging your arms forward, you pulled the trigger.

As the shot rang out, Sebastián’s eyes widened and he jolted as the bullet tore through his flesh. You had hit your target. However, something was wrong. Because as you had shot him, pain had also exploded from your own stomach, making you gasp. When Sebastián took a stumbling step back, you looked down and saw the hilt of a knife sticking out from just below your vest.  _ Fuck...  _ you thought and, as Sebastián toppled over, you fell back against the wall of the building and then slid to the ground as your knees gave out.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“ _ Shit! _ Shitshitshit!”

You managed to almost crack an eye open just as Steve crouched before you, eyes wide and frightened as he repeated your name over and over with increasing volume. When you didn't respond, grabbed your shoulders, and gently shook you. The action caused the knife still in your stomach to shift and you groaned with pain.

“ Oh thank god!”

Hands came up to frame your face and they felt boiling hot against your cheeks. Steve said your name again and honestly, you had no idea what he was expecting you to do. The knife was still very much jammed into your stomach and the pain was too intense. You wanted nothing more than to slip into the painless bliss of unconsciousness from a moment ago.

“ We're gonna get you to the hospital. Just stay with me, okay!” Steve said, squeezing your cheek lightly before letting go. You watched him drift away, or maybe you were the one drifting away. You couldn't tell. Couldn't think properly either.

Steve looped his arms around you. You screamed with pain as he suddenly pulled you to your feet. He apologized as he pulled your arm around his neck to steady you. Your legs didn't work so well and he had to drag you along, rather than walk with you, to wherever you were heading. You let your eyes fall shut for just a moment and your head lolled against Steve's shoulder. The last thing you heard was Steve's “Nonono you don't!” before things went dark.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

When you opened your eyes again there was a loud roaring sound in your ears. As you watched things flash by before your eyes, too fast for you to see what they were, you managed to put two and two together and reach the conclusion that you were in a car.

Turning your head, you saw Steve's profile, illuminated by the streetlights flashing by. He was gripping the steering wheel like he was about to crush it. You looked out through the window and judging by the blur of things passing by, you were breaking every speed limit known to man.

“ Steve...” you groan and he starts. He doesn't take his eyes off the road, though, for which you are very grateful.

“ Soon there, don't worry. You'll be fine.” You don't tell him that he sounds more like he's trying to convince himself than reassuring you.

“ Won't be if you run us off the road....slow down,” you said and Steve shook his head in reply.

“ Like hell, I will! You think any of the others would forgive me if you...” he didn't finish that sentence but you had already stopped listening, mind drifting off somewhere else.  _ The others... _

“ Javier?” you ask, almost too afraid to hear the answer.

“ Going into the house last time I saw him,” Steve answered the incomplete question as he took a turn so sharply that you felt like your soul left your body for a moment.

“ We have to go back,” you told him. The last you had seen of that house had been chaos. The thought of Javier in there scared you more than the numb feeling that was currently spreading from the point where the knife had pierced your skin.

Steve actually turned to look at you at that, but quickly had to return his eyes to the road a moment later to avoid hitting the curb.

“ You have been stabbed,” Steve explained, as if you were stupid, “You're bleeding out in my car and you want to go back?”

“ Yes, please.”

Steve was silent for a few seconds.

“ Look... he's with Carrillo and Carrillo's not going down without taking all of Santa Martha with him. Javi's fine.”

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Fifteen minutes later, you and Steve have arrived at the hospital. Steve had skidded to a halt just outside the entrance and had run inside to fetch help. You were being lifted onto a hospital bed. The jarring pain of being moved again managed to cut through the haze and the white noise that seemed to surround you. You felt cold like someone had covered you with ice.

You saw Steve standing next to you. Worry was etched all over his face and suddenly you felt scared.

“ Steve,” you whimpered and he immediately took your hand.

“ Right here. You'll be okay.”

Unconsciousness claimed you before you had time to tell him that you didn't believe him.


	15. Chapter 15

When consciousness slowly returned, you had no idea what was going on. Everything felt strange, like you were drowning in syrup, and you couldn't think. Someone was speaking to you but you didn't understand what they were saying. Your vision was blurred and you could only make out shapes moving in front of you.

Where were you? You blinked furiously as darkness started creeping into your vision again. The voices continued to speak. You still didn't understand them.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

The second time you woke up, you had no memory of the first. You could feel that you were lying down and at first you thought you were back in your apartment. Then you opened your eyes and the ceiling in the dark room was all wrong, making you frown in confusion.

_ Where were you? _

You turned your head to inspect your surroundings to try and make sense of what was going on and your gaze immediately fell on a familiar figure, sitting in a chair next to the bed.  _ Javier _ . His arms were crossed and his chin rested lightly against his chest as he slept, his long legs stretched out in front of him. The hint of worry that had accompanied the confusion over not knowing where you were, instantly melted away at the sight of the other agent. If Javier was here with you, then things couldn't be too bad.

Struck by the urge to have him closer, you tried sitting up, and as you did, pain shot through your body, making you gasp in surprise before falling back against your pillow.

You saw Javier instantly starting awake at the same time as several mental images of the raid of the house, Alonso Sebastián and getting stabbed flashed before your eyes. As the memories came back, you looked around the room again, a little more frantic this time.

Javier had gotten up from his chair and was standing over you, one hand cupping your cheek to make you look at him as he repeated your name over and over. It was only when you felt a little dizzy that you realized just how shallow you were really breathing.

“ Hey,” Javier said, soothingly, “Just breathe, okay. You're okay. You're safe.”

You looked at him and tried to let the words settle and feel like the truth. But there were still so many unanswered questions that were swirling around in your mind. Questions about your current condition and what had happened after you passed out, questions about how Javier was doing, questions about the raid, Escobar and Sophia, questions about where Steve was and if Carrillo was okay. They swirled around in your mind too fast, none of them stopping long enough for you to actually be able to ask them. Javier must have seen the panic in your eyes because he carefully took your hand and said your name again. The touch helped ground you a little bit.

He held your hand and eventually your thoughts calmed down enough for you to manage to grab onto a question and work it past your lips.

“ What happened?”

Javier swallowed like he didn't want to answer you and suddenly the worry was back.

“ You were stabbed. Steve found you just in time...” he told you, looking like the thought of what might have happened otherwise terrified him. But his words made you relax again.  _ That _ you already knew. The  _ what ifs  _ weren't what terrified you. You were more worried about what had actually happened, not to you but to everyone else. Who else had been hurt and who hadn't been so lucky to have a guardian angel in Steve Murphy, showing up to pull them back from the brink of death.

“ I mean after. To the others? Did we get him?” You elaborated. Javier sighed and shook his head.

“ Escobar's a fucking weasel. Someone must have smuggled him out in all the chaos. Carrillo and the others searched the area for two days before they had to give up.”

“ Two days?” you said, a little surprised. “How long have I been out?”

“ Five days...They tried...they tried to wake you up on day two but...” Javier's voice broke. You didn't dare to ask him what had happened on day two.

Javier stood up and turned towards the window, no doubt to hide his face from you.

“ I'm awake now,” you told him softly, wishing you could ease his mind from memories you didn't share. He turned back to look at you again.

“ Yes, you are,” he agreed, standing still for a moment before coming back over to kiss you. It was just a soft press of his lips against yours, but for now, that was enough.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

It was another few days before you were discharged from the hospital.

When you exited the hospital, balancing unsteadily on your crutches and feeling a little high from the painkillers, you were pleased to discover that it was Steve Murphy that was waiting outside to pick up you and Javier. He walked up to meet you and smiled as he squeezed your shoulder lightly and patted you on the cheek. You were struck by a sudden wave of affection for the blonde man and before he could protest, you dropped your crutches and wrapped your arms around his, almost losing balance in the process. You winced with pain, your body not quite ready for the sudden movement.

Steve caught you with a surprised “Whoa!” followed by a soft chuckle. “This is new. Getting stabbed really softened you up, partner.”

You pulled back, wanted to thank him for saving your life but suddenly your throat felt thick and you couldn't get the words out. Steve gave you an understanding nod.

“ I know,” he said, so you didn't have to explain. When you hugged him again, his mustache tickled your cheek when he gave it an affectionate kiss. “Let's get you home, sweetheart.”

Javier handed you back your crutches before helping you over to and into the car. You felt exhausted just from the short walk from the hospital to the parking lot and your breathing was slightly labored as Javier slid into the backseat next to you. You immediately leaned in to rest your head against his shoulders and he put his arm around you for support. Steve watched the two of you in the rearview mirror.

“ Can't believe I missed that,” he mumbled to himself as he started the car.

Javier and Steve spoke to each other for bits of the way back but most of the ride was spent in silence, all three of you tired or with other things on your mind.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Once home, Javier and Steve helped you up the stairs to your apartment. You wanted to protest and tell them you could manage on your own – the damsel in distress had always been a trope you hated - but your legs felt like jelly and you weren't sure that you actually would remain vertical if it weren't for their support. Besides, the painkillers were slowly wearing off and your stomach hurt. So, despite the bruising effect it had on your ego, you allowed them to help you and they, thankfully, made no comments about it either.

You did, however, protest a little later when Steve had gone home to Connie and Javier declared that he was spending the night. What might have been a thrilling prospect was made distinctly less so by the fact that Javier was currently helping you out of your dirty socks because you couldn't bend over enough to do it yourself. In none of the scenarios you had envisioned for having Javier stay the night had you being frail as a 90-year-old and smelling faintly of sweat and hospital been part of the picture.

Javier, true to character, simply ignored your protests. He tossed the socks into your laundry basket and leveled you with a stern glare as you moved to stand up to get his attention. You told yourself that it was the pain, and not that look, that made you change your mind.

Javier asked you where you'd put your painkillers. The throbbing pain in your side kept you from remembering, but Javier still found them a minute later in the pocket of your jacket. You eased yourself back onto the bed as he went down the hall to the kitchen for some water.

“ You really don't have to stay,” you told him when he returned and handed you the glass.

“ Stop being so fucking stubborn and take your meds,” came his response as he placed a pill in your other hand and waited for you to take it. You poped it into your mouth and attempted to wash it down with liquid but as you raised the glass, your hand began to shake. You were gonna spill water on yourself but you stubbornly kept going, refusing to be bested by a glass of fucking water.

Then warm fingers covered yours and Javier helped guide the glass to your mouth. You took a greedy mouthful, not having realized just how thirsty you were, and the pill slid easily down your throat as you swallowed.

“ I'm staying,” Javier told you again. He let the glass linger against your lips for longer than he needed and you were under no illusions that it was to keep you from speaking and voicing any further protests. Javier Peña always did fight dirty.

You wanted to protest, you really did, but not only was the glass in the way but the bed was also beginning to feel very soft and welcoming under your weight and you felt so goddamn tired all of a sudden.

Sensing victory, Javier removed the glass and helped you under the covers. You drifted off with his lips pressed against your forehead.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

You had no better luck getting Javier out of the apartment the next day. Or the day after that. He'd told you everyone had gotten some time off after the raid but you knew that was bullshit because you'd heard Steve through the open window as he'd left in the morning.

You called Javier out on his lie but he was already leaving the bedroom and pretended not to hear you.

Instead of going to work, Javier made you breakfast, which you only nibbled on because the painkillers made you a little nauseous... or maybe that was just the pain. It truly was amazing what the body could heal from but it was also incredibly infuriating how much pain accompanied that healing. When Javier was asleep on the couch you sometimes cried quietly into your pillow just for some relief. The painkillers were Heaven in pill form and if it hadn't been for the watchful eye of the DEA agent, you might have sneakily attempted to take more than what the doctors had ordered... Or maybe not, but you would have spent a considerable amount of time thinking about it.

On day three of being babysat by Javier, you struggled your way out of bed and headed slowly towards the shower for a proper wash. Javier intercepted you on the way to the bedroom, pointing at the towel in your arms.

“ What's that for?” he asked and you tilted your head back with a groan.

“ Javier, let me be human!” you whined, “I want a shower.”

“ Let me just get the bowl and the cloth, like usual. You can barely stand.” Javier argued and you felt annoyance flare up in your chest because you hadn't asked for this. Hadn't asked for  _ any _ of this! And you hated the way he made you feel small and helpless.

With an angry noise escaping you, you threw the towel at him, almost losing your balance in the process. The towel hit him square in the chest before flopping to the ground. Something angry flashed in Javier's eyes.  _ Good, _ you thought. He crossed his arms over his chest and jutted his chin out

“ _ Fine,”  _ he said and nodded towards the gray pile on the floor. “You pick that towel up and you can have your damn shower.”

“ _ Fine! _ ” you agreed and Javier took a step back.

“ Fine...” you repeated slowly as you attempted to bend and pick the towel up, finding that your body was not at all on board with this decision. You placed a hand on your thigh and tried to bend at your waist. There were still several inches between the towel and your fingertips when the pain put a stop to any further movement. You tried squatting to pick it up but your thighs began to shake like mad before you were even close to reaching the towel. Javier just stood by and watched you, arms still crossed over his chest. You wanted to punch him.

It was only when you attempted to pick the towel up with your foot, and actually lost your balance, that he moved, catching you before you fell.

“ Stubborn woman,” he muttered and you weren't proud of the frustrated dry sob you let out against his chest as he wrapped his arms around you. If he found your greasy hair repulsive, he had the good sense not to say so.

After a few seconds of holding you, he sighed.

“ Will you at least let me help make sure you don't fall over and crack open your skull?” he asked and after a moment’s hesitation, you nodded. He gave you a last squeeze before letting you go and bent to pick up your towel for you.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Javier helped you get undressed, his hand removing the fabric from your body in slow and careful movements, and while you might have been tired and in pain, you weren't dead, and his touch had butterflies stir and begin to flutter about in the parts of your stomach that weren't numb from the medication.

He eased the sweatshirt over your head and he was standing so close that you felt a little dizzy. Next, he steadied you as you stepped out of your pajama pants and underwear. You stood naked before him and while you knew you hardly made the most wonderful of visuals right now, you still felt a bit disappointed that Javier hardly spared you more than a glance before he helped you into the shower.

When he handed you the showerhead, you swayed a little in the spot, and his brow immediately knit together in a frown. Thinking he was about to change his mind about the shower, you tried to look as steady as possible and even straightened your back a bit. But Javier didn't pull you from the shower. Instead, he grabbed the hem of his own t-shirt and pulled it over his head, closely followed by his jeans and the underwear that he apparently was  _ not  _ wearing. Your mouth went dry as a desert suddenly and when he stepped into the shower with you, you were gripping the showerhead so tight that your knuckles were white.

“ ...Is this okay?” Javier asked, a little too late because his naked form had already rendered you speechless. And you couldn't help but stare at him, stare at all that smooth tan skin on display, the broad shoulders and chest tapering down to narrow hips, the strong thighs and a cock that... 

It was the first time you had seen him completely naked and the experience was quite breathtaking.

“ Are you okay?” Javier asked when you didn't respond to his previous question.

“ I don't know,” you answered, voice barely more than a whisper. Javier, who couldn't see himself right now, and was thus spared from having his brain short-circuiting because of it, found a different explanation for your reactions. He looked worried again.

“ Do you need to sit down?” he asked but you shook your head in response. “Okay...” he said slowly before taking the showerhead from your hands. He reached around you to turn on the water and adjusted the temperature until it was warm but not scalding. The small part of your brain that was still working, thought a cold shower might have been more effective.

“ Here, let me help,” he offered and held the showerhead up to gently rinse you off. The water hit your clavicle first and felt like a caress as it traveled down your body. Javier followed its path with his gaze and when you closed your eyes you could almost imagine that the rivulets of water were his fingers. The thought made something deep inside you tighten and you pressed the palms of your hands against the wall behind you, both for support and restraint.

“ Tilt your head back,” he told you, in a voice that had no business being used outside of the bedroom, but you did as you were told. Javier curled a hand around the back of your neck to steady you as he moved the showerhead to wet your hair.

The warm water felt impossibly good against your skin. You let out a soft sigh that came out as more of a moan and you felt Javier's hand twitch against the back of your head. It made you open your eyes and when his gaze found yours, his eyes were even darker than their usual rich brown, pupils blown wide with lust. Clearly, agent Peña wasn't as unaffected as he was trying to make it seem.

You took his hand and freed it from your hair, instead guiding it to your hip. He watched you silently as his fingers splayed wide across your skin before he let them trail up your side, going upstream to the warm water. They left sparks in their wake and when his thumb ran along the underside of your breast, you leaned in to kiss him.

He groaned softly against your mouth as the tip of your tongue licked along the seam of his lips, begging for entrance. You wrapped your arms around his neck - wet hands carding through his still dry hair - and pulled him closer. His cock was hard and you felt it twitch against the skin of your stomach. He pushed even closer and it made you let out a gasp, that was not entirely from pleasure. Javier heard the difference and immediately pulled back.

“ I'm sorry,” he apologized.

“ It's okay,” you assured him, attempting to pull him back in for another kiss. But this time, Javier wouldn't budge. Your questioning gaze searched his face for answers.

“ You're still too hurt,” he said like he was reminding both of you of this fact.

“ I'm not,” you said, voice low and seductive as you leaned in to try and coax his lips into another kiss. For a moment, it felt like he was gonna cave, as his mouth opened under yours but then you could practically feel the frown returning before he pulled back for a second time.

“ No. Not today.” It sounded like the words pained him more than any possible pain to your side would. You opened your mouth to give convincing him another go but Javier turned his head away from you and reached for the shampoo bottle.

“ Turn around and I'll help you with your hair,” he told you and you could hear from the tone of his voice that this was a battle you had just lost. So you turned around and rested your forearms against the wet tile as Javier's fingers began lathering up your hair with shampoo. You only briefly entertained the thought of pushing your ass back against his cock, but a no was a no and even though it was for your sake –  _ because  _ it was for your sake – you knew Javier wouldn't budge. 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Over the next few days, Javier was equally adamant about not pushing you too far until you were fully healed. He would allow you to kiss him but would pull back before things could move any further, despite the lust that you could see mirrored in his eyes when you raked your fingers up his back to gently grip his hair and hold him close. He helped you with everything you needed around the apartment and accompanied you on the short walks the doctor had ordered to build your strength back up again. He offered to tend to your every need... _ except _ the one you actually needed him to tend to. It was slowly beginning to feel like a cruel form of torture to have him around 24/7 but to barely be allowed past 2 nd base.

So it actually felt like a small mercy when Javier decided to go back to work again and you would get at least a few hours of alone time during the day before he came home again in the afternoon to start the circle of fuzz all over again.

You behaved nicely for another couple of days after he started working - lulling him into a false sense of you being a compliant patient even without his supervision – and then you called Murphy to ask for a favor.

Through eavesdropping on Javier's phone calls, you had learned that the police had moved Sophia to a hotel in Medellin, both for her security and because they weren't entirely sure how big her involvement with the narcos had really been. You wanted to go see her and told Murphy as much.

He'd been skeptical, making vague arguments as to why that might not be the best idea. But you'd had days to build your own case for why it actually was a really good idea, and in the end Murphy folded and even agreed to drive you there.

You asked him to pick you up later that same day, so he wouldn't have time to tell Javier about it. You knew he wouldn't be as easily convinced.

Putting on actual proper work clothes felt both strange and good. There were still dark circles under your eyes but a little bit of makeup made you look more alive than you had felt in weeks! Even Steve looked a little surprised by your appearance when he came to pick you up an hour later.

“ You ready?” he asked, offering his arms as support when you left the apartment. You swallowed and nodded.  _ As ready as you'd ever be. _


End file.
